Lord, how could I have been such a stupid, blind fool?? I didn't mean to act the way I did towards Christians, Lord; I didn't know that once one became a Christian, it didn't mean their problems would suddenly vanish overnight ...
For years, I ran from God. Didn't want anything to do with Him. For all I knew, I felt that my life was better without Him. I was under the assumption that "I could handle it on my own", when nothing could be further from the truth.
I didn't like Christians. To me they acted all "holy and perfect" during Sunday (or church time), but on any other day of the week, I would see them doing things that were anything but holy. I saw some of them drinking or smoking cigarettes, talking about people behind their backs, judging them for their actions and acting self-righteous, and even looking up porn on the Internet.
It was like calling the kettle black.
The sight of these self-righteous bastards truly sickened me. What right did they have to judge others when their own lives were nothing but a solid mess??
I not only disliked Christians: I hated Christians, hated them with every fibre of my being. I didn't want anything to do with them, and a lot of this was due to my own imperfections. Oh, I went to church, and tried "the Christian game" myself, but I somehow felt that something was missing (which it was).
I didn't actually come out and admit that I was a sinner. I just followed along, just because everyone else around me was doing it; it was as if I were a sheep in a herd. I believed in God, but I didn't accept His son, Jesus Christ as my savior, and until I did that, I was doomed to eternity in hell.
I didn't think it was all that serious until one Sunday just a few short weeks back, when Pastor Christianson (good name for a pastor, hunh??) talked about salvation and the price of sin, as opposed to what would happen when one accepted Christ into their lives.
Well, let me tell YOU something, people: I felt condemned. I felt dirty. Unclean. I felt like the world's worst person, and I hated myself for how I had acted towards Christians all these years. I suddenly felt it deep in my spirit that I had to "make things right" and "get right with God". I confessed my sins right there in the pew and asked God to forgive me for being such a lunkhead. I then started crying like nobody's business and I felt as if a huge, 2 ton weight had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders.
I actually felt the sensation of being hugged. I felt as if someone was hugging me; when I looked about me, there was nobody there but the people who were sitting around me and none of them had hugged me. It was really strange. I felt so much lighter and for the first time in years, I felt at peace. I knew in my heart of hearts that I had done the rigtht thing and that God was very pleased with my decision.
When Pastor Christianson asked if anyone had done the sinner's prayer after the altar call, several people raised their hands, including me. He then asked us to come forward; he would, in kind, then pray for us, along with the congregation. It was a little embarrassing having to go up to the altar, but when Pastor prayed with us, we felt the love of the Lord surrounding us and it was absolutely wonderful!
Since that day, I have been on fire. I have been praying and reading the Bible, which was something I wouldn't have ever dreamed of doing just a short few months ago. While the Bible is rather confusing, I am sure that in time I will begin to understand it as God reveals Himself through the words on the pages. I know He will have big plans for me and my life, and I know that I will be praying for those people who still remain locked in sin.
It has been an incredible few short weeks, but in that brief period of time, I have already seen a change in my attitudes towards others (Christians, in particular) and am learning to love others ... as well as myself. I am a new person and it's because Jesus Christ now lives in me.
~To be continued.~