Uggghh!! I would NOT wish this on my own worst enemy!!
The pain again. ALWAYS the pain!! Isn't there anything I can do to get some relief ... let alone, some SLEEP??
I haven't had a good night's sleep in I don't know HOW long. Been weeks. Months. YEARS! I don't know, but I will tell you THIS much: if I don't get any sleep soon, I might go mad!!!!
I have fibromyalgia. Basically, it's like having arthrtiis of the muscles. My shoulders. My neck. My hips. My back. My knees. My wrists. My elbows. I hurt just about EVERYWHERE and cold or inclimate weather really play havoc on my muscles. And that is in addition to having rheumatoid arthritis, which I have had since I was in my twenties. (I'm now in my later fifties.)
My husband and kids oftentimes don't understand why I am so grouchy (or tired) a lot of the time. A lot of people don't understand the fact that I am unable to work; instead, I get a small disability check every month. That's all I live on. I pay my bills and then I'm pretty near broke until the following month. It's like this month after month! Then people wonder why I am so frustrated or depressed ....
I would give anything to have one day without pain! ONE. DAY!! I no longer know what it is like to live without it. It seems that pain rules me and I HATE it!! I haven't been to church in months and I just don't feel like praying or reading my Bible anymore because the pain makes it very difficult for me to concentrate. I know God must be disappointed in me, but right now, I don't care. I am disappointed in Him because He hasn't really done much to alleviate my suffering!
I don't like going out in public because whenever I park in a handicapped space, people call me lazy or threaten to report me to the police. I'm sorry! I can't help the fact that I can't walk without wanting to cry sometimes or that some days it is all I can do to keep from falling over! So I just usually stay home and feel sorry for myself or play the stupid games on Facebook because I really have nothing better to do!!
And doctors say it is all in my head. Well, isn't THAT just ducky!! How would THEY like to trade places with ME?? SEE what I am going through? That my pain is as real as any pain that my RA causes me? The pain from my fibro only aggravates the pain from my RA and at times I wish I could just kill myself because I can't take. It. Any. More!!
I just wish there were more doctors who treated me as a person with a problem, not a person who is mentally insane, or a person who has a problem that is NOT "a figment of my own imagination" and that I am just using my pain as an excuse to get help!!
~To be continued.~