The little girl crouches on a dirt floor. Dirty. Scared.
Shaking, not from cold. It’s hot on this day, stifling hot, but from fear.
My father is coming.
He will hurt me I know it.
He brings men with him, men and boys not much older than I am. I know what they are here to do. This has been going on since I was a tiny girl.
I was too little to know not to cry out.
Crying out only made it worse.
Ten times worse.
I was screaming. Screaming so loud because I didn’t know not too.
“Star sweetie, you’re dreaming again.”
I opened my eyes to see my family around my bed. My family, my true family.
I was in the present and I was safe.
I began sobbing.
“Star it’s okay. That part of your life is over. You’re here with us now. We are your family have been for the past six years.”
I looked over at my Dad. The first man I had learned to trust, because he was an honest and good man. I had been so scared of him at first, but now I had grown. I was still scared though, not fully awake from the nightmare.
“Star we aren’t going to hurt you.” My Mom said. Coming closer, I allowed her to hug me. I was slowly waking up, from this nightmare, from the memory. I had lived this, as a child, but that was in the past. I had to remind myself of that.
“I know.” I managed calming down.
Shortly after Aunt Delbar and Uncle Azar came into the room.
“If we caused this, we are sorry.” Aunt Delbar said.
“No Aunt it was not your fault. I have been holding a lot of emotions back for a long time.”
“I am sorry that you had to endure the things you endured Star.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I just felt I should have do something, that I failed you.”
“You did not fail me, you gave Feresheteh a loving home, that is the most important thing in my book.”
“I know Star, I just wish things had been different for you.”
“I know you do Auntie, but that was in the past. I have a good life now, I was just having a bad dreams. I spent the last few years blocking these feelings out, they had to come sometime. It’s better now than letting holding them back even longer, and letting myself hurt more. I had to let them go sometime Auntie. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault, at least not anyone whose still living Auntie. It’s in the past, and I am letting go. God has been faithful to me, and I am grateful for that.”
“I know you are Star. You have a strong faith.”
“I didn’t always have that faith.”
“But you do now Star, and I am proud of you for that.”
I calmed down finally. Allowing my family to go back to bed. I hated that I woke them up with my bad dreams, with my screams, but I was safe now. I was truly safe, and God was blessing me. I knew that, and I was blessed by it.
Lord thank you for allowing me to have the life I have now. Thank you that the past is just that the past, and I do not live their anymore. I thank you that you have blessed me as you have.
I opened my Bible to the book of Philippians Chapter Four and began reading. I found comfort in reading the good book.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true , whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Thanks for Their Gifts
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
14 Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. 15 Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16 for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid more than once when I was in need. 17 Not that I desire your gifts; what I desire is that more be credited to your account. 18 I have received full payment and have more than enough. I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
20 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
21 Greet all God’s people in Christ Jesus. The brothers and sisters who are with me send greetings. 22 All God’s people here send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar’s household.
23 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amena
Finally I was able to fall asleep, without having the nightmares. I had calmed down, and I was safe. My family surrounded me and I was going to do that.