“Star we are so proud of everything you are doing.”
“Thank you Mother. I am doing what I feel God is calling me to do, but I want to do more than just this blog. I want to help others, I just don’t know where to begin.”
“Star you are going to have this all figured out, keep praying for his direction.”
“I am Dad, believe me.”
I looked at Feresheteh sitting on the couch, laughing at a Veggie Tales DVD, and I realized why I was called to do this. I had to save children that I could. I had to give them hope when they felt they had none. I had to give back, because of what I had been given. I may have had a rough star, may have endured a hell that no child should ever have to do, no one should ever have to do, but I had survived.
God’s hand was in that. I knew that now. I wish I had that faith, that knowledge of something better when I was a terrified little girl, being beaten abused, but my only goal then was to survive. Survive the next beating, the next rape, survive being half starved, while the rest of family ate whatever they wanted whenever they wanted.
“I guess I am just going to have to submit this, and everything to God. That is the only way we can get through anything in life.”
“Star you are right about that.” My Father said. “I am proud of the beautiful young Christian woman you have become. Star you have come so far.”
I could tell my big strong Father, the one who first showed me that not all men were monsters was on the verge of breaking down. He was proud of the woman I was becoming and I was blessed by that.
I turned my Bile to the book of James finding comfort and solace in his word once again.
Submit Yourselves to God
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4 You adulterous people,[a] don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us[b]? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”[c]
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister[d] or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
Boasting About Tomorrow
13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
I closed my Bible and looked again at Feresheteh the child I had given birth to when I was only a little girl myself. She had come out of such violence, and hate, but she was so beautiful and I loved her so much. I was thankful that Uncle Azar and Aunt Delbar had taken her in, had raised her as their own. She knew the truth now, at least in the way a nine year old can comprehend things like that. Aunt Delbar and Uncle Azar were here parents though, that had not changed. She had family that loved her very much, that wanted to give her everything that I had not had. She had a birth Mother who cared about her and her adopted Mother who was my aunt and her great aunt. She would always be her Mother though, that would never change. I could not nor would I want to take that away from Feresheteh.
“Feresheteh is beautiful.” Hope said. “She looks a lot like you.”
“Do you really think so?” I asked.
“Yes Star I do. I am glad you are getting this chance.”
“So am I Hope. I know this is a blessing, a blessing that could only come from God.”
I could not stop staring at my daughter, my aunt and my uncle. They had been here for a week and I was still having trouble believing this was actually happening, that my daughter was actually here. A daughter for years I had thought was dead, but she was here now and very much alive.
Thank you Jesus!