Something didn’t seem right. I couldn’t put my fingers on it, but something didn’t seem right. I didn’t know why I was feeling this way, but I was getting a bad feeling.
The way I heard my uncle whispering in the bedroom late at night, it scared me. I realized I knew so little about Aunt Delbar, about Uncle Azar, what if they were not who they said they were. I wanted to believe them, but the doubt lingered.
Uncle Azar almost never spoke to me. He didn’t seem comfortable around me. The feeling was mutual but other things seemed odd, the way I would hear him on the phone speaking in whispers but I could tell he was speaking in Farsi, I could hear some of what he was saying, words and phrases here and there.
I heard Allah’s name mentioned if he believed in Jesus Christ, why was he using the Islam word Allah for God?
I hoped I was just letting my mind play tricks, that they were who they said they were, but what if they weren’t who they said they were?
What if I had put myself and my family in danger?
Who would want to hurt me? Who would want to hurt my family?
I could think of only one person who would want to hurt me and he was long in the grave, or was he?
Lord what’s going on? I am so confused and so scared. I honestly don’t know if I am over reacting or what. I hope these fears are unfounded Lord, because I do not want to be thinking what I am thinking.
What if they didn’t really die, that day? What if they only wanted people to believe that they died, and what if they found me?
What if they had only wanted me to believe they were dead?
Could they be using this little girl to trap me?
“Star what’s wrong? I know that expression, and that always means something is wrong.”
“Honestly Hope I don’t know. What if my aunt and uncle aren’t who they say they are? I don’t know what if they are trying to find me and bring me back to that hell.”
“Star your parents are dead, that part of your life is gone.”
“I know, but what if they aren’t dead? I mean I didn’t see them die, I was home, what if I only believed they were dead, what if it wasn’t them who died in that house that day?”
“Star I don’t think it’s like that, but I am going to help you find out. Just in case you are right, I don’t want to see you hurt anymore, and I don’t want to see Feresheteh hurt either.”
“I don’t either, but I think they love her. I don’t know why or how, but she doesn’t seem anything like I did when I was her age, and that’s definitely a good thing.”
I would never want anyone to go through what I had went through as a child. No one deserved that kind of torture, no one deserved to think as a little girl, they were dirty and worthless, because their Father had treated them so.
Lord God please let me be wrong about this. I want to be wrong about this.
“Star it’s going to be okay, we are going to get things figured out one way or another.”
I wish I felt as sure as Hope sounded. She had never been through what I had been through, and I wanted to shield my big sister from that kind of pain. I wanted to protect her from the life I had before. I wanted to shield Hope from that kind of pain.
I was the little sister, but older than her in so many ways. I understood that now, and I felt the need to protect her.
Lord protect me, and protect my family. I don’t know what’s happening or if anything is happening, but I am frightened.
I walked into the bedroom where Feresheteh had been to find, they were all gone. Packed up and gone, but when and how?
Why would they leave without telling anyone? None of this is making sense right now, I am so lost and confused.
Be still my child. I have you in the palm of my hands.
This wasn’t the first time I had felt the Lord nudging at my heart, but right now I needed it. I was scared more scared than I had been in a long time, because if these people weren’t who they said they were and they took off to find my Father and let him know I was alive my family could be in danger.
This was all like I bad dream, but I knew the Lord was in control. If I didn’t have faith in that I would break. I knew that now.
Thank you Lord, thank you Jesus. I know you have in my hands.
That was the biggest comfort and it was so much more than I had as a little girl. It wasn’t that God wasn’t there, somehow he knew even amidst that Hell, he called my name, sent me to a family that would lead me to him. I was given a second chance thanks to God.
Please Lord don’t someone come and take this away from me. Should I close down the blog and not try helping others? Am I just putting a bulls eye on me and my family. I don’t know Lord. I just want to get this all figured out and I need your help to do that. Please help me Lord.
Rest in me my child. My light overcomes all darkness, all evil.
I knew the Lord would get me through this. The only trouble was at the moment I wasn’t exactly sure what this was.
“Hope I can’t let you get hurt.”
“Star I am an adult now. I make the decisions, and I am going to help you. If it’s nothing, then that’s great, but I want to be here for you.”
“Hope you have always been here from me, from the first day you greeted me at the airport and said welcome sister.”
“Star no matter what you are my sister, and I have always loved you, before I knew you I loved you. I had prayed so long to have a little sister, but Mother had such difficulty, and finally we heard your story, and Mom knew we were meant to have you. She had a very clear dream, a vision of God telling her to bring you to America, she said she saw you so clearly.”
“She has told me this before. I am glad the good Lord answered her prayer, but I think I was the most blessed.”
“Star we are all blessed.”