Give me the peace I need please Lord. I know I cannot get through this without you, it is only with you that I have made it this far. You have blessed me I know that now Lord, and I ask you continue to bless me and put that shield of protection over me, over my family. We really need that Lord now more than ever.
Be still my child, know that I am God.
“Star are you okay?” Mom asked.
“I’m doing better than I was, now that I spent some time talking to the good Lord.”
“I am glad to hear that.” Mom said. “A good talk with the Lord always helps, and Daddy has contacted the local police, they are going to be watching out.”
“Thank you Mom.”
I prayed it would be enough, that somehow God would give them the strength to overcome this monster. Now I was almost sure his death had been a ruse something he wanted us to believe not something that was real, This man, this monster, my birth father was alive, as was my Mother I was sure, I did not know about my siblings but I could not worry about that right now. All I could worry about was keeping myself and my family safe.
I can’t do this without you Lord. I know that. I need you Lord, give us the strength and the wisdom to know what to do, to stop this evil.
I knew without a doubt my Father was evil. He embodied everything evil, and went against God. I had believed for a long time he served God, served Allah, that he was this scary monster, who took pleasure in hurting these people. I was no longer that scared little girl though, I was a young woman now, and I had the faith of a loving Father, and a Daddy who cared about me. I had everything I had not had as a little girl, scared and alone in that dark room in Afghanistan.
He doesn’t want to see my happy, he will destroy anything that is good Lord. You are going to have to help me through this. I know I am supposed to fear not, but it’s hard. I have a great deal of fear right now. I know Lord you are stronger than my fear though so I am asking for your comfort.
I don’t want to fear like this Lord.
Be still and know that I am God, your Father.
I could feel the Lord speaking to my heart, trying to calm my fears, so why did I still have this fear? It had lessened some. I was not jumping out of my skin every time I heard a noise. I was still afraid though, afraid of this monster, this monster who was supposed to be dead.
I could not call him a man, he did deserve that, because a man would not do the kind of things he did to me.
Lord forgive me for being so naïve to let these people into my life, for believing they were who they said they were.
“Star it’s going to be okay?”
“Thank you Hope. I wish right now I could just believe that, and stop fearing, but it’s not as easy as that. I just can’t believe I believed their lies.”
“Star you wanted to believe the best from these people there is no crime in that.”
“I know Hope I just feel so naïve what if I put you guys in danger?”
“Star none of this is your fault.”
“I know I guess I just feel bad, I thought this chapter of my life was over.”
“Star no matter what that chapter of your life is over. You are no longer a scared little girl, you know the truth and in that you have power.”
“I wish I felt that way right now, but honestly I don’t.”
“Star it’s going to be okay.”
“You keep saying that, but I am still scared.”
“It’s not your fault Hope, none of this is your fault.”
“I know Sis.”
I knew my family was doing everything in their power to help me. I appreciated their efforts but at the moment I was letting the fear rule me and I had to stop doing that. I had to continually remind myself that no matter what God was in control. The monster didn’t have power of God. I knew that, but I was still scared, more like terrified.
I can’t continue to live in fear like this Lord. I need to get over this, I need to remember you are in control, so why am I letting him control me like this? I thought those days were long over Lord, but I am allowing it to happen again. Lord help me!
“I’m sorry Hope I know you are trying to help, I am just driving myself nuts with this.”
“Star you don’t have to apologize to me.”
“Hope I do need to say I am sorry, because I was wrong. I don’t want to intentionally hurt your feelings.”
“Star you didn’t. I know that you are going through a lot right now. I do not expect you not to snap now and then. But Star please don’t lose faith.”
“I’m not Hope. I am holding on to it tighter now than ever before, because I am going to need it now more than ever.”
“I am glad to hear you are holding tight to your faith Star, that is the most powerful weapon we have.”
“Has anyone told you, you should be a preacher big sister?”
“You have about a million times Star?”
I knew Hope was exaggerating joking around, and it felt good to be able to do that with my sister. For a moment I was able to push my fears and worries aside and just enjoy time with my sister, and that felt good. I could not let these fears control every moment of my life.