We know where you are, and if you think this is over, you have another thing coming. I am your Father, and I can do what I want with you.
“Star you look like you saw a ghost.”
I was dumbstruck by what I was reading, so I just pointed at the page to my sister. He had sent me an email, a threatening email. He knew where I was. I now had no doubts that my “Aunt and Uncle” had not been there to help me, they had gone back to show my Father where I was.
“We need to show Dad this.”
I didn’t have the energy to argue, and I knew Hope was right. We had to show him this. We could be in danger. I knew that we had to show our Father this, and let him know what was happening.
Lord I am trying to hold on to faith here, I am really trying, but I am struggling. He is scaring me Lord, no matter how much I hate to admit it, he is scaring me. Lord I know you are more powerful than this monster, so I am acting for your protection over my family, over myself.
“Star we are not going to let him rule our lives like this.” Dad said, looking at me. “He no longer has that hold over you, remember Jesus is your Savior and he is going to help you through this.”
“I know Dad, but the memories they are all coming back to me now, and when they do I am paralyzed in fear.”
“Star don’t let him do this to you.”
“I wish I could stop it.”
“I know you do Star, and you are going to overcome this.”
I wanted to believe my Father, but the truth was I wasn’t sure what I believed at the moment. All I knew was that I was going to do everything in my power to protect my family. I was not going to let them experience what I had experienced as a child. No one in the world deserved that kind of abuse.
You are not worthy, you deserve to die. You are lucky I even feed you. He said one night, throwing slop on the ground for me to eat.
I was so hungry, so starved I went after it, eating it like an animal. Off the dirty floor.
I told you, you were an animal he said. Laughing.
“Star don’t go back to that place.” Hope said, gently tapping my shoulder. “You don’t need to go back to that place. You are with us now, you are safe.”
“I thought this was over.” I said, crying, lifting my shirt, where the scars were. “I thought the scars on the inside had healed.”
“Star you have to give it to God. I know it’s hard, but you have to give it to God.”
“Hope I am losing faith, I don’t want to, but I am.”
“Star you can’t, if you do that, he has more control.”
I knew Hope was right. I needed to get control back of my life. I needed to stop letting this fear eat me alive, but I couldn’t wave it away like some magic wand.
Sometimes I don’t wipe what happened to you away, but I give you the strength to overcome.
I wanted to believe that. I knew the Lord was speaking to my heart, but I was still letting the flesh win. I was still letting the fear win. This wasn’t only a battle between my Father, and me, this was a battle between the devil and my soul. I couldn’t let the devil win this battle I knew that. I couldn’t let Satan have the power over me.
Lord I need you to give me courage, I need you to give me strength. I need to face this evil in the face, and show him that he cannot win my soul.
I didn’t know where the prayer came from, but I meant every word of it. If I had to face this monster I would and he would not have my soul. No matter what he did to me he could not have my soul. Besides not much could be worse than what I went through as a little girl. If I had endured that hell I could endure anything else he had to offer.
I could not get caught up in that though. I had to believe that things were going to be okay, that good would overpower evil.
Light could overcome darkness I knew that, and Jesus was light.
Thank you Jesus that I have you in my life now. I know I could not get through this without you. I ask that you keep us safe Lord as only you can, but if we have to face this, I ask you to give us the strength to do that. I do not want to lose faith now Lord. I cannot afford to lose faith now.
“Star are you okay?” Hope asked. Getting me back to the present.
“I am now Hope.” I said feeling better than I had since this whole ordeal had happened. I knew I was not out of danger yet, but I had comfort in knowing God is in control.
“You look better.” Hope admitted. “I don’t know what happened, but I am glad it did.”
“I had a long talk with the Lord.”
“Good Star, that is awesome the best medicine.”
“Amen to that sister.”
I looked down at my one remaining leg, not grieving this time, but with determination. It was now five years almost to the day. I was not grieving what I had lost though this time, I was celebrating all I had gained. I had given my heart to Christ, after losing and in doing that I had regained my life. It didn’t happen overnight, but I started seeing that I was worthy.
“Hope do you remember how you helped me after I lost my leg. How you made me see it didn’t change who I was, any more than what happened to me changed who I was?”
“Star I was only telling you the truth. I was only wanting you to see the truth.”
“Thank you for that Hope, thank you for everything. You have helped me in more ways than you know.”
“Star you have helped me too, you have helped me see that as Christians we have to do something to stop this violence. We have to stop letting people think that hurting children is okay.”
“Amen Hope, but I think you knew that all along.”
“I did Star, but I didn’t know that I could make a difference you showed me that I could.”
“Yes Star, you did, and I am grateful for that.”
“I am glad Hope.”
“So am I.”
I grabbed my crutches, and got up.
“Hope I think we need to get out of here. We can’t let this fear stop us from enjoying life, let’s just get out of the house and do something fun.”
“Sounds good to me Star.” Hope Said, grabbing my car keys. She knew I would want to take my car. I would want to drive. My sister knew me well. Sometimes I thought she knew better than I knew myself. It didn’t matter that for the first twelve years of my life Hope was not my sister. She was now, and nothing was going to change that.
God had meant for Hope and I to be sisters and I knew that.
We drove to the beach, the day was warm, and it was a perfect day for sunbathing on a beach. A few years ago I would have been too go on a beach. I still would not wear a bikini because the scars bothered me more than the fact that I was missing a leg. Maybe it was because the scars reminded me to much of a time in the past.
“Star I am glad we decided to do this, I was getting tired of being coped up afraid of everything.”
“I was too Hope. I am glad I gave it over to God.”
“Me too, you know this doesn’t mean the danger is over though, it just means we have the strength to face the danger?”
“Yes Star and all we need is God’s strength.”
When we got home that night, we both felt renewed. The good Lord had allowed us time at the beach without letting us be paralyzed by fear. It was the first time in months I didn’t feel the shadow of fear overpowering me, instead I was wrapped in his presence and that was a much better place to be.
Thank you Jesus for allowing me this time, thank you for showing me that I can enjoy life that I don’t always have to fear this monster.
“I am glad we got away for a bit, let ourselves forget for a little while.” Hope said.
“So am I, and I am thankful that you have stood beside me in all of this.”
“Star you are my sister. Of course I am going to stand beside you. I am afraid you are stuck with me for life and beyond.”
“Good, because I want to be stuck with you.” I joked back.
I knew I was blessed to have the family I had. I had come so long from that scared little girl. I may have lost my leg, but I had gained so much more. And I wouldn’t have lost my leg if I had, had the courage at the time to tell someone about the infection before it was too late, but Hope had found out and saved my life. I knew I would always owe Hope a debt of gratitude for that, because though I was angry at first because I had survived and I thought I would be better off dead I knew better than that now. I knew that I hadn’t been ready to die then. I didn’t have the Lord in my heart, and I wasn’t done living. The good Lord had something greater plan for me, the truth was I was grateful for Hope now. I was given another chance when I survived the amputation and I was grateful for that.
You have been so good to me Lord, and I thank you for that. You have blessed me in more ways than I ever imagined Lord. I know that you have something greater planned for me and I am glad that you have blessed me in the way you have Lord.
I turned my Bible to the book of Ephesians reading:
Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ
1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8 This is why it[a] says:
“When he ascended on high,
he took many captives
and gave gifts to his people.”[b]
9 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions[c]? 10 He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) 11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
Instructions for Christian Living
17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.