She turns 11 tomorrow.
and she says to me:
'Do babies come really
from there? '
That finger was much too low;
not my belly
but way below
and I froze-
between the lie
and her need to know
'do they really come
from your thingie? '
'but that's too small'
I could she her measuring
a little baby
with her tiny thingie
and she asked
'how can it come out?
"It'll stretch" I said
people have babies every day.'
'Did you stretch? ' she said.
'Yes, I did and you came out fine.'
Her eyes darted low
trying to visualize.
'Did it hurt?'
'Well yes but you know dear
I had some drugs and it was ok.
'Like aspirin? '
'Yes, sort of like aspirin but
'So is there is pain..nnn? '
She stretched the word out.
'Yes, there is
but aspirin drugs
make it so it is not so bad.'
'And that's because it goes inside? '
'The baby comes because the boy's
goes inside your thingie? '
'Goes inside? '
'Yes, does the boy thingie go inside the girl's thingie?
Inside' she repeated for emphasis.
'Well yes, if they are in love. That should only happen if they
are in love and married.'
'If they are not married or in love does that mean a baby won't come? '
'Well, yes a baby can come even if they are not married or in love.'
'Mom' she said her eyes really wide. It goes inside? '
'Does it hurt? '
'Well at first, it does hurt but after a while it feels good.'
'After a while-"
"You mean you have to do it again so as to make it stop hurting? '
No, not exactly, I mean after a while you get used to it and it doesn't hurt.'
'What does it feel like? '
Huh? Feel like?
'Feel like, you know, feel like.'
'Oh, ' I said 'that is very private.
Only you and your husband should know
what it feels like but I can tell you it is very special.
A very special feeling
unlike any thing in the world.'
'Anything in the world? '
Yes, very special. It is God's way of making a baby and you know how
special babies are.'
And so my daughter learned from me
what her biology was telling her,
what those feelings inside meant
and I pray she has her special day,
her special tomorrow
with something special
that she will recall from me.