Don’t please don’t!
A second later, a gunshot exploded, and she fell.
Her world never went black, she just went numb.
Shock, she thought at first.
But she couldn’t move her legs.
It was more than shock.
Another dream, the dreams were coming far too often lately, maybe it was because she had so much going on. It felt like mind was going nonstop. She had to stop the man from taking the kids pictures, because he did so much more.
Funny she had forgotten his name, Jerry, Jacob, something like that. She remembered it started with a J, but not much else.
Kelsea would know but she wasn’t going to ask her. Kelsea’s memories were vivid, and painful.
I should be encouraging her Lord, helping her, but she has been the one helping me.
Kelsea had been helping her, helping her remember bits and pieces of what happened.
The toys, the lights the camera.
The way he made them play dress up when no one was around.
The games he made them play.
She felt dirty just thinking about it.
He had taken so much away from her, her innocence, she could never get any of that back.
She had taken Kelsea’s innocence too, and it had hit her harder.
It was all so difficult, comprehending how someone could do things like that to children. This was something she could never understand. Sienna could never understand how a person could hurt someone the way this man hurt children, no one deserved it.
No one deserved to be forced, especially not a child.
He was a monster.
Lord why am I remembering this now? Why is this even going through my mind now? I thought I had put this all behind me a long time ago?
You never really forget something like that though. Somewhere deep down she remembered, she had just pushed those memories deep down. They were too painful to think about, so they were buried. Kelsea had not been able to bury hers though.
Sienna had to focus on something else though, or she would be consumed by the evil of this man, she would become bitter. That’s where dance came in, dance was a means of escape for her, it was a way to give something to the Lord.
She had learned that being in a chair did not mean she could not be a dancer.
Kirsten had shown faith in her, and was teaching her. She still loved dance, loved the movements, her legs may be lifeless, but she was far from that. Sienna was full of life, and so grateful for that.
Despite everything she had been through or maybe because of it Sienna loved life, and felt she was blessed. She had faced challenges yes, and had been through hell, but the fact that she survived only spoke of God’s grace right?
My emotions, my feelings are all over the place Lord, but I know you are here, and I am thankful for that. I do not know how people can go through life not believing.
Her Dad hadn’t been a believer and had run off as soon as he could no longer handle the trouble. She remembered how much her Dad had hated that her Mom had taken them to church, a bunch of hypocrites he had called them, but they were their during everything, when the walls starting closing in and the guilt got to him, their Father had left.
Sienna no longer felt angry or bitter towards her Father, she just felt sad for him, and prayed he found his way to God. She still worried about him, after all he was her Father, but she was not sure what she would do or say if he did reappear in her life. She was almost certain Kelsea wouldn’t be to welcoming, Kelsea had been so close to their Daddy before he left, before everything had happened, and so when he left she had carried the most anger.
Laying on its usual spot on her desk was Sienna’s Bible she let it fall open to 1 Peter 2 and began reading.
1 Peter 2
1 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3 now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
The Living Stone and a Chosen People
4 As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— 5 you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house[a] to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 6 For in Scripture it says:
“See, I lay a stone in Zion,
a chosen and precious cornerstone,
and the one who trusts in him
will never be put to shame.”[b]
7 Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,
“The stone the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone,”[c]
“A stone that causes people to stumble
and a rock that makes them fall.”[d]
They stumble because they disobey the message—which is also what they were destined for.
9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
Living Godly Lives in a Pagan Society
11 Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. 12 Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.
13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, 14 or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15 For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. 16 Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. 17 Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.
18 Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19 For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. 20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
22 “He committed no sin,
and no deceit was found in his mouth.”[e]
23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 24 “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 25 For “you were like sheep going astray,”[f] but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
When Sienna closed the Bible, she found herself once again thinking about her Father, her birth Father and praying he was okay. She wanted him to be okay, even if he was unable to face them, it would be nice to know if he was okay, for all they knew he was dead.
Sienna prayed that wasn’t the case, someday she wanted to be able to talk to her Father, to tell her she forgave him. Forgave him for the way he had hurt her, by leaving, and let him know she had never blamed him for what had happened before. She could not speak for Kelsea but she knew her Father had nothing to do with what had happened that he had been deeply affected.
Lord I wish I could see my Dad again, tell him that I do not blame him for what happened to us and never did, and ask him why he left. Maybe he does not know the answers, but I would like to have another chance to talk to him. I would like to give him another chance, but I don’t know if he is alive or dead. I know nothing about him.
“Sienna everything alright?” Kelsea asked, she had walked into her sisters room, after knocking and not getting an answer and had come in to check on her. Their Mother had been calling Sienna for a while now, and she had been so tuned out she hadn’t heard a thing.
“Yes I am sorry. I didn’t hear you.”
“Mom’s been calling, you have a doctor’s appointment remember?”
“Oh yes, I totally forgot.”
“Honestly Sienna, you don’t look alright.”
“I’m sorry Kels…I just have a lot on my mind.”
“You were thinking about what happened to us when we were kids again weren’t you?”
“That amongst other things.”
“Do you need any help getting ready you’re going to be late, if you don’t hurry.”
“No I’ve been ready for a while, just went off into my own world I guess. Would you come with me to the appointment?”
“Yeah of course, I thought maybe I would ask Mom if I could drive you. I know how she kind of smothers you during the appointments, and is in a constant state of worry.”
“That’s putting it mildly Kels…”
“Yeah I know, but anyway let’s hope she lets me.”
“I’m praying she does.”
For a while everyone in the car was quiet. Sienna and Kelsea sat in the back seat, while their Mother drove, because they wanted to talk. Their Mom was going to drop them off at Sienna’s doctor’s office and then head to the store to get something for dinner. Sienna and Kelsea knew that it was just a ruse to be close buy, she would buy the groceries, but with a fridge and freezer full almost to the brim, it certainly wasn’t a pressing issue, but they were not going to argue. At least she had agreed to let Kelsea go in with her. It was only a doctor’s but sometimes they talked about things that Sienna didn’t necessarily want to share with her Mother. It wasn’t that she had anything to hide from her, but some things were simply embarrassing.
Sienna wasn’t going to complain though she was grateful she had a Mother who cared so deeply about her. It was not something everyone had, and she understood that. Sienna knew she was truly blessed to be surrounded by people who truly care. Her Father may have left, but she did not lack for love or affection. She had a family and friends who would do anything for her.
Lord I know I am blessed that I have these wonderful people in my life, who have helped me through this. I know that in that way I truly am rich, and that matters more than dollars and cents. I won’t be taking money with me when you call me home, but I will be taking my soul, so I ask that you help me keep it pure and whole.