After a few weeks of being with us, a few weeks of being my sister, Star began letting those walls crumble. I had been praying for this, praying that somehow, someway I would have the chance to get to know my sister. For weeks she had been like a stranger, she would sit in the corner of a room night after night, when I would go and check on her, she would look so far away, and so afraid.
“I am sorry that you had to lose your parents.” I told Star, one day, sitting on the floor next to her. Trying my best to talk to her. I had been praying for her from the moment she had come to us, and even before then, and I wondered if we would ever be able to reach for her.
“I am not, they were monsters, my Father especially, he was revered in the Taliban, and he saw nothing wrong with hurting us. He hurt me especially.”
“I am sorry.” I said. I had a wonderful Father, and thankfully did not know of a Father’s abuse. “You did not deserve to be beat.”
“It was more than beatings.” Star said, and then said nothing. She could not say anymore.
Lord who hurts their child like this? Who does horrible things, no wonder she does not grieve them, I guess she just needs to feel safe. Lord help us to show her that she is safe here. Help us to show her that we would never intentionally hurt her, we are not monsters.
“Star I am sorry that you had to endure that. You were only a child you did not deserve that.”
“I was a dirty child, I deserved to be punished.”
What did they tell her Lord? How can a little girl think she deserves to be beaten, raped! God knows what?
I went to my parents later that night, not sure what they do of Star’s history, the truth was none of us really knew this little girl, and what she had been through, but she was family now and we were going to do our best to help her.
“What did they tell her when you filed the petition to adopt Star?”
“Nothing really all I knew was her parents had been killed when their home was struck.”
“She was abused, physically, and worse, she is terrified of us, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Star keep doing what you are doing, she is opening up to you, it is us she is afraid of.” Dad said.
I knew my parents were right, but this was hard. I had never had to deal with anything like this, abuse was something foreign to me, but now it was in my home. My sister had been abused.
Star was my sister, blood or not. It did not matter I knew that God had sent Star to us for a reason. She needed us, and the truth was we needed her too.
Lord how could anyone do this to a child. How could her parents have hurt Star the way they did. She was only a little girl, and I have this overwhelming feeling that she is not telling us everything. I know that she is still scared Lord, and she needs us, but Lord I don’t know how to help her, if she keeps shutting us out.
“I wish that things had been different for you Star, but I want you to know that I am glad you are here now, I am glad to have a sister.”
“I do not deserve a sister, I do not deserve a family. I was bad. I was an evil child.”
“Star you were only a little girl, there was nothing bad, or evil about you.”
“There are some things you do not understand. Things you will never understand Hope.”
“I just want to help you.”
“I do not deserve your help.”
I am lost Lord, I don’t know what to do. She still spends most of her time towering in a corner, her mind far off. I do not know what to do for her Lord, she is just a little girl, eleven years old or so and yet she seems so old. I have had an easy life compared to what she has been through and I thank you for that. Forgive me for being selfish so many times.
“I celebrated their death, in my heart I celebrated their death. I felt free. I was nine when they died, at least I thought I was about nine. I had never celebrated a birthday, all I knew was misery, if Allah is real, he is not loving. I am not even sure I believe in Allah.”
“Star you were only scared, and for the first time you felt free. I cannot begin to imagine what that felt like.”
“I am sorry if I made you feel that I have anything against you Hope. I am glad you are my sister as well, but I do not deserve a sister like you.”
“Star God blesses us with many things we feel we do not deserve, but family is something we all deserve. We are all meant to be cared about by others.”
“I wish that were true Hope, but where I am from Hope that is not always the case.”
“I am sorry Star. I wish you had a better life. I wish things had been different.”
“I know but wishing does not change anything. I did a lot of wishing as a little girl in Kabul, until I had the wishing beat out of me.”
My sister was opening up to me for the first time, and though it was hard to listen to, and harder yet to imagine I felt like God was opening a door. I was going to be able to reach out to Star, and perhaps someday she would open her heart to Jesus. She would know that despite everything she had been through before, Jesus loved her and he would welcome her into his Kingdom. Jesus was a God of love, not of hate.