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Raymond Sturgis

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Sang Mêlé ou ton fils Léopold, Ginkgo éditeur, Paris
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            Ladies, I understand that you are imperfect; however, that should not impede your efforts to embellish yourselves with perfume, appropriate clothing and respectful conversations. You have qualities that make you unique, and if you conceal your true potential or qualities, how would that change people’s perception of you. You all have an honorable design. If you do not understand your gift or potential, then you succumb to vices that make you dishonorable, for instance, like selling your bodies for cash, cheating on your mate, or abusing drugs. Self-respect pervades every part of your life. If you fail to appreciate love, or life, then you are a cog with deficient ideals that contradicts with the conduct of a being a lady with morals. Although you have a proper understanding of ‘players’ and their ideals for relationships, marriage, and love. There are still more affirmations that are viable to your needs for love that supersedes the games from ‘players’. Please keep in mind, love is flawless; however, our understanding of it is not. During the duration of this chapter, you will discover your potential to surpass fools in the dating game who are just out for sex and not true commitments. Also, you will discover truths that will make you want to have sex with more than one man, or catch the one who is being unfaithful to you.


Change Is Necessary


Some of us have unwanted baggage in our lives, such as ex-boyfriends, husbands or significant others, and now it is time for change. There is an old saying: if someone mistreats you, breaks your heart, or is incompatible with you, then it is best to move on, because if a snake bites you once, it will bite you again. You can believe that if someone abuses your trust, do not give him or her opportunity to do it again. See, there are people in our society that love to try people’s patience; they keep testing your waters just to see your reaction, and it is a dangerous game.  No one has the time to keep taking a person back after several indiscretions. Please keep in mind, if the coat cannot warm you after you have patched up all the holes, then throw it away and get another one. ‘One must be willing to change oneself in order to keep the love and stability in their marriages and relationships strong. You cannot bring old habits into a situation where it violates or disrespects the other’s feelings, and disrupt the peace in the family. Communication is extremely beneficial, and by understanding your partner’s feelings and pet peeves, you can see a new horizon that brings peace, understanding and enjoyable lovemaking. Now when I say that change is necessary, I do not mean performing on the living room ceiling; I do not mean trying sex with several different partners when your lover fails to satisfy you or makes you upset. A change is necessary when you understand what you need, and not what you want. A change is necessary when you know and understand that you are far from perfect, and you are willing to dedicate yourself to making love and your commitment a success.


Honesty and Pride


If one wants a successful marriage or relationship, then honesty and pride must permeate their lives. For some reason, people find it hard to be honest. Maybe it makes them vulnerable; however, in our daily lives, we have refrained from telling one another the truth. I understand that the truth hurts, but if you expect someone to be truthful to you, then you must be truthful to them. Lies destroy every foundation where true love is present, and if one wishes to be happy and stable in their lives, they must learn that honesty is the only policy. We must change the trajectory of pride in our lives. Many marriages end because of pride. Pride actuates people to manufacture dangerous solutions to problems that are easy to rectify. Many go into relationships and marriages believing that they are God’s gift to this world. They believe that one must kiss their ass to stabilize peace. Some women develop pride in a relationship or marriage when things far apart. They falsely began thinking that they can get any man they want, and believing this, they sadly abjure the possibilities of saving what once was valuable to them, which is their partner’s heart. Men also have these qualities. They believe that they are the Kings and everything that they ask a woman or child to do, they must acquiesce. Pride and love are graceful adversaries. Love keeps the commitment honest and in perspective, while pride makes solutions illusionary and emphasizes parsimony. Pride is good when one needs to achieve the value that makes their life respected. See, pride emphasize self-importance, and in our daily lives, this is important; however, when one is in a relationship, marriage, or is a parent, then pride needs to be in a different perspective. You must love yourself always, but when you are in a position where you are trying to keep someone happy and feeling loved, then you must do it unconditionally. Remember, in a committed relationship or marriage, every participant’s duty is to make the other vainglorious, and not leading a separate life where no one but the strong have an opinion.




Self-preservation is not parsimony; love yourself unconditionally before you consider loving someone else unconditionally. Some may try to confuse the two, and prefer to give love only when they are pursuing personal interest; this intolerable behavior is unfair to people’s feelings. In relationships, or marriages, there are no individual possessions, such as ‘my car’, ‘my house’, ‘my food’, ‘my money’, etc. You love one another because your feelings are genuine and you want the same in return. When it comes to sex, one should be unselfish when it comes to lovemaking. Many marriages and relationships ends when someone seeks individual gratification. Sex is beautiful. A person who doesn’t want sex as often as their partners should find someone compatible for them. Making love is good, but when your partner is in need and you leave them hanging on a string, with their penises hard as bricks, then you are asking for problems. It is imperative that you understand what shared satisfaction means. Therefore, when you perform sex, you both reach climaxes as if it will be your last. Many people, after they reach their sexual climax, they smoke a cigarette, go to sleep, or break dance. If you have sex for a long or short time, you do whatever it takes at the drop of a hat to make the other feel fulfilled.


Good Girls Need to Stay Good Girls


I have seen many women who are beautiful and brought up with strong values but contradicts the when it came to dating, relationships, or marriage, they lose sight of those values and become jadish. Television, radio and other exploitive entertainment of our society have caused young girls or women to behave in disrespectful ways. Women with low self-esteem love to be in the ’in’ crowd. They want to feel accepted and loved, and do whatever it takes to make ’other’ people happy. These women or young girls indulge in drugs, prostitution, performing exotic dances, wearing inappropriate clothing or hanging out with inauspicious groups of people. A female should carry her values with her so she does not have to succumb to these temptations. A virtuous girl cannot expect to have sex with someone in a short time and still be considered a ’good’ girl. She cannot perform oral sex on a man whom she barely knows and still expect to be an honorable person. Many good girls today feel that they are still a virgin just because they engage in anal sex, and consequently, they are still a virgin if their hymen has not been broken; however, they are a whore of the spirit. A respectable woman can easily lose her self-respect, or the respect of others, by debasing herself in dishonorable conduct. If a woman chooses to wait for sex, then wait, but if a woman wants to be promiscuous, then live that way. Also, a woman must have her priorities in order. If a woman wants to have sex with numerous men, then they should  not expect men to respect them as honorable. All women must know their value without delusion. If a woman wants respect, then she needs to keep her legs closed, mind, and her heart open to positive influences that impel her to live honorably. If a woman wants to be involved with more than one man, then she should not cry when she contracts a sexual disease or when the men leave her for a woman with honor. True love and respect is never given or acquired with your legs open or with your mouth open on bended knees.

Caught Up with Looks

Everyone loves to have an attractive person to show off to the world. The dating game consists of finding that person you can take to family gatherings and around friends. This inevitably destroys the essentialities of relationships and marriages, because after the attraction fades, the true potential and calamity of a person arises. Many feel that if a person is attractive, then his or her mind may be. How misled they are! In our world, the majority of people desire to be liked and accepted, and this obsession has led them to commit themselves to causes and beliefs that are detrimental to their lives. “Everything that looks good to you isn’t always good for you.” I know we have heard that saying hundreds of times, and many of us still behave as if we are absented-minded to its meaning. If we treasure the sanctity of marriage and the importance of courtship, then we must learn that looks are less salient than the respect and honorable behavior that someone shares with us.


If You Believe In a Higher Power


God is the power behind all good things, and I truly believe that if one wants their marriage and relationships to succeed, then God, Jesus, Allah or Yahvah (Jehovah) Hallelujah, must be at the foundation. This goes back to the power of sex and human persuasion. You see, many abrogate their beliefs because of their fear of losing someone whom they consider is special or ‘one of a kind’. I know that many women who are Christians and are willing to marry before they have sexual intercourse. However, when the kissing and touching starts and that vagina gets wet, they begin looking for stimulation. Sexual pleasure is so powerful that it can blind a nun to give up her precious Lord. Masturbation can never take the place of true intercourse with the lover of your choice. This is why the Supreme Being needs to be a part in every facet of our lives. I understand that trials of life can actuate anyone to lose faith in the rewarding and promising avenues that lead to the obedience of the Supreme Being’s laws. However, when it comes to true love and the genuine union of a man and woman, or whatever your sexual preference is, then God must be present if one desires true success. There will always be problems in a marriage, and one can easily look in the Bible, or other religious material, to find an answer that can solve problems. Many of us understand this and, because of pride, we rather look in a newspaper for a divorce attorney than read material that promotes genuine love, marital success, and understanding. If you sincerely believe that sex should wait for marriage, than honor it. If you believe that God can save your marriage, and help you in deciding a life partner, then stay on course instead of seeking sex with a ‘crazy’ person. A person’s belief should be the focal point of his or her life; it is the only genuine foundation to stand on when humanity lets them down.


A Woman’s Choice for A Husband


Husbands have more clout than a guy that a woman calls her “boyfriend” or “lover”, because a husband has papers on his wife, so whatever they acquire together, by law, it belongs to them. A boyfriend can cheat, but when he is caught, he can just go about his business, while a husband who is caught cheating, is financially ruined for life. Wives, understand that your husband is not like other men; he is your protector, confidant, and friend. He is not a mind reader, he is not your pet and he is not your stooge pigeon. Although some of these husbands are henpecked, and should be wearing a dress rather than pants, you must still respect them.  Wives, when a man makes you his wife, that does not mean that you own him, and it does not mean that your legs gradually become more open with each passing year. Some wives wait to become someone’s wife to start behaving like a whore. Love is love, no matter how many times you say it or spell it, and if you are tired of doing housework, or cooking and cleaning, please tell him. Marriage is never an equal percentage; however, your percentage, whether a little or the majority, enables you to voice your concern whenever you are unhappy about your husband’s business. Many husbands love going to sports or events enjoin with other men that are having a good time. Please remember that he is your husband, but he is a man first, and he does not need you check in on him every ten minutes. Your intentions may send signals that you are untrustworthy. If he has cheated, then I can understand, and if he is violent towards you or makes you feel that you are afraid to speak up, then you need a divorce. No man must control you, especially with violence or verbal abuse. Just because he is your husband, he has no right showing you disrespect. Marriage is a union that requires love, respect, and understanding from the participants. Wives, many husbands are sentimental like you; they love gifts, compliments and pats on the back. Just because husbands behave macho or nonchalant, does not mean he'll pass up hearing, “I love you.” Whatever you can do to help alleviate the pressure that many husbands have, please do, and they will thank you for it. When it comes to your side of the family, remember to keep them in their place. No one needs to be hearing personal matters concerning your man.

 Therefore, love him, because it takes a courageous man to make a woman his wife, and it takes more of a woman to accept his proposal. Marriage is no longer about husbands and wives; it is about one another, so if one of you cries, the other one sheds the tears; if one of you bleeds, the other one needs a transfusion. If one of you dies, then everything of the other person dies as well. Marriage is not a game or an experimental examination. If you fail in making marriage work with the proper tools that God has blessed marriages with, then life too will soon be your next failing course. Wives, you are everything to your husbands and your marriage. Therefore, please refrain from debasing yourself by sleeping with a muscle-bound man, rich man, or handsome man; another man should never persuade you to cheat or leave your man’s side.


What Is Success to You


Let’s say you have a husband or boyfriend, but something is making you feel that the man in your life is not supporting and loving you as much as you’d want. Some of you women want to be noticed for the sacrifices and the good that you do, but no matter how hard you try, your effort goes unnoticed. Ladies, you must beware of the cruel intentions of men who want to persuade you to sell your bodies. Ladies, you must love and respect yourselves more, abstain from being the whores, sluts or bitches that society wants you to become. You should not feel that men are useless and noncommittal; that is far from the truth. If you women feel that your love is good and wants to be shared with someone special, then you must stop wasting your time with men who are only out for a sex. Ladies, apply self-respect to your wardrobe each morning, because whether people like or love you, at least you live with your own decisions as a confident queen. I understand that many women have enough stress and problems in their lives to be trying to decipher through someone’s rigmarole. Ladies, continue to regulate love, so children will feel loved, families will feel loved, and communities. Importantly, please let love shine on everyone you encounter, so the world you envision will change by your tiresome efforts. All you women have the ability be marvelous, but excessively loving a man, material possessions, and false friendships are distancing some of you from your ultimate goals. Your positive contribution will enable you to be the pillar of strength that your world, and your family, needs. It is all right to love, and love should not blind you from respect. Love is so beautiful, and love is the medicine that revives and heals a troubled spirit. If love can transform the human spirit, then live, for all of you can generate infinite possibilities. Success is never the friend of failure, especially after you honestly believe that you have given a hundred percent of yourself to your endeavor. People have told me that there can never be success in relationships, marriage, or love, and I shrugged off their pessimism with confidence in something that I believe in. You see, success is what you believe, and it can only be attained by your belief and your commitment to make it work. At your job, you know that you have worked your behind off without a promotion or raise. You honestly do a terrific job and doing right sometimes goes unnoticed.

Furthermore, you can have success in your marriage, relationships, and love; I am saying that success is giving a hundred percent to a task. If your marriage or relationship fails, then you should not feel like a failure, especially after you honestly understand that you have given all of your heart. Ladies, if you are committing a hundred percent of yourself, then that is all that God or anyone can ask of you, and that is success. People get awards and praise all the time for what others believe is success, and as soon as they do something that is contrary to what people believe, then they are cast away like a canoe in a stormy sea. Do not look for recognition in your efforts to make your life, marriage or relationship a success, because praise and criticism come from imperfect people who have no idea of your worth or commitment.



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