I am the Fat Girl
the one that everyone hates,
holds in contempt

makes fun of
the one who has Jenny Craig dreams of being thin;

who learns to hate her self

because of cupcakes;

who can walk pass ice cream
and gain five pounds

whose parents are thin

while telling me I just have to watch my calories

I am the one who is mean

and retaliates

by spreading rumors

 that the pretty girls are lesbian

or whores

or that they take drugs.

That is me;
the last chosen in gym class for the team

The object of fat jokes;

The one who is watched in the cafeteria

 to see what I am eating

who has to sit and see the small girls

eat whatever they want
who has to declare that she doesn’t like chocolate

the one who can never go to the beach

to pool parties
never find clothes that fit;
wearing sheets;

who can’t neck with thin boys

who can never touch down there

because I hate myself  so

who has to watch TV after TV  show
which
that

fat people are the most hated people in the world
and contemptible;

no one ever says anything good about the “fatties”

they make fun of you to your face

or speak with patronizing sentences
or offer dieting tips

and false statements of support.

Even your thin parents think you eat too much

will never get married
and secretly give up on you.

 If the parents are fat like you

they don't want  to go out anywhere

because fat drawns attention

to them

at the movies.

In the restaurant;

Fat is bad

 You are told horror stories:
that you will get diabetes

that you will die of heart failure
that your babies will have complications

that you really are worthless

and might as well die.

That is fat.

And worse

no one understands

or even want to understand;
fat is the new leper

repulsive

even as they smile

In your face
while secretly believing

that it is all your fault
and it never stops.

I see the women over forty

crazied over their fat arms
their weight gains
their cottage cheese thighs.
  Some of their will

finally understand fat.

I got a boyfriend after college

from Asia where fat is beautiful
yes fat is beautiful
in many parts of the world,
a sign of wealth
but he was a woman beater
and I had to walk away from the relationship

marrying my present husband
who is fatter than I am.

Now we go to the ice cream store

suck the ice-cream cones

our fingers

licking Dorito dust

both of us

having given up

Thanks everyone;

fat it seems
 is forever.