I don't know what I wouldn't do if I had my pills. I would probably be scratching my eyes out or pulling out my hair, or at least hollering in pain. I live with pain 24/7, 365 days a year: there is no real break in it unless I take my Dilaudid and Vicodin for the pain.
I have chronic back problems stemming from a bad fall I took last year. Ever since, I have been unable to work and have had to apply for disability (denied; am fighting onw nto get it appealed). I used to be active: now I can hardly get out of bed most mornings and have had to resort to walking with assistance. Sometimes the pain is so bad it nearly takes my breath away.
I have gained quite a bit of weight: I'm no longer the same person. I look in the mirror, and I see an older woman staring back at me, although I am in my middle forties. My hair has gone totally gray and I look terrible. I look older than my mother, who is in her sixties.
I try to do things, but again, the pain I suffer rules my life. That is why I have my pain medication. If I didn't have them, I would be in bed or wishing that someone could just kill me, so I wouldn't have to suffer any longer.
My husband has had to take over taking care of the kids or doing most of the chores; I can only do light duty work (and that is if my back ins't acting up, which it usually is). I feel horrible that I have had to put him (and my kids) through this, but I'm sorry. I can't help it. My back is too bad and the pain I suffer is far too great.
People say I am addicted to my medications. I take anywhere from two Vicadin to two Dilaudids every day; sometimes even more than that. People say it's a wonder I am not in a coma. I have tried taking one of each (once every four hours or as needed), but one pill (pills) just don't touch it. So I take two. Maybe I'm wrecking my own health doing this, but I have to have SOME relief!!
My husband says if I don't stop he is going to take me to my doctor's and report me. I hope he doesn't; all I'm asking is for some relief from the crippling ongoing pain that I contiually suffer!! Is that too much to ask for??
~To be continued.~