Web Site: Ram P. Varma
Live Case of Self-observation
A lady member of the Toronto meditation group had been having problems with her only son for quite some time. There was a beautiful mother-son relationship before he got married. She couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. She tried so many things on an intellectual level to see if she could visit them, have them over for dinner and also play with the new born grand-son. Of course, she blamed the daughter-in-law more than she blamed her son. But all her efforts to please them in so many worldly ways ended into frustration and she felt a deep emotional pain. Stress and anxiety were clear symptoms of the episode. She brought this situation into the group meditation and self-empowerment session. She wanted to know how she could handle it differently in order to have a cordial relationship with her son's family. More particularly, she deeply yearned to have an opportunity to play with her grandson. She also wanted to free herself from an ongoing agony of frustration of having failed in keeping a good relationship with her son. As a group leader, I suggested to her to handle this problem through the observation technique. The group had already done approximately half an hour of meditation. However, upon her insistence, I asked the group to meditate on this problem as follows and see what emerged as an answer to this problem:
First we started with three recitations of OM. Next we did the breathing and the body observations (as explained earlier). We briefly visited center #1 (base of spine) & center # 2 (between genitals and navel) and started to concentrate on center #3 (around navel). In that center, the problem was released; "I am having a having problem with my son." I asked her at this point to develop a beautiful portrait of a loving relationship between her son's family and herself and envision a scenario in which she could actually experience a relationship of joyfulness with her son's family. She did exactly that.
We then meditated on center #4 (the heart center) and sent lots of loving energy to the self and the aforesaid son's family. We asked this lady to feel the loving vibrations within her-self and with every one in her son's family. Then we visited center #5 (center of throat) and further moved on to center #6 (center of the forehead). At this center we remained in "A Just Be" or the Natural state for a few minutes. Immediately after we started to concentrate on center #7 (the center of the crown). When inner quietness/silence was experienced, she observed herself as to how she had been handling or responding to the situation.
In her self-observation, she noticed that she was always tense in her efforts to normalize the relationship; she always expected them, particularly daughter-in-law, to respond lovingly to her efforts. When she didn't, she felt terribly frustrated. She always felt she could ask her son to do any reasonable things for her and he should do it in any case. She showed her desperation many times as to how sad and left out she was feeling. She was almost falling for them to restore the relationship; even at the cost of her self-dignity. She was following the whole thing too closely and always complaining about her daughter-in-law. She had also ironically told her son quite a few times that he was not the same son as he used to be before marriage. She had kind of warned them that she had the rights to see her grandson and she was being deprived of her rights.
Having realized that the observation of self-behavior was relevant to the situation, we proceeded to center #7 and meditated on it for guidance: It emerged that at least for the next three weeks she would dwell on the following aspects of practice:
Be aware of the problem as stated but do not dwell on that.
Develop a beautiful portrait of a wonderful relationship with her son, daughter-in-law and grandson.
Dwell on that portrait as frequently as is possible.
In daily meditations, send lots of loving vibrations to the son's family and to herself. She would practice let go. She would be alert.
When there is reciprocation from the other side, she will just respond with love but unconditionally. She will remain free from any expectations from them. She will just continue to be loving and appreciative. She will do daily self-introspection to know how she is doing in her practice. When at any time the old pattern of reaction appears, she will do silent recitations of OM and clear herself from the negativity.
The lady was thrilled with this fresh start. It took some time; however, the consistency of the loving practice as stated above paid off as can be seen from the following results:
After a short while, both sides started to tolerate each other. The lady was invited to baby sit for the grandson. She took this opportunity to enjoy and at the same time did few small gestures of good will for her son's family. Slowly, while the lady's attitude was changing she found that the things were changing on the other side too.
Our Learning from the live case:
This live case is enlightening and confirms what the power of self-observation can do for us in our daily lives life. We learnt the following aspects from this living example:
* You have no control on others but you have some control on you.
* You can use this self-control to bring forth positive changes in you, in your attitude, in your approach and in your expectations etc.
* You can use a self-observation technique to know the reality about you and the way you are handling the situation. To be able to self-observe effectively, you must calm yourself first. Daily meditations are absolutely essential to keep you calm and focused. Do not dwell on the negativity; just be aware of it. Dwell more on the positive. Let the positive reflect in your attitude and inter-actions. Envision a positive portrait of the situation and dwell on that. Send positive/loving vibrations to the inter-acting person(s). Give what you are seeking. You can change the negativity with the positive. You cannot fight fire with fire. You need water to extinguish the fire
* Having done your level best and having done it unconditionally, practice 'let go'. Invite the Supreme Power for guidance. When it comes, just do what the Supreme Power tells you to do. Let the Supreme Power look after the results. Enforce listening to the power within you. Have a feel for the audience within and communicate with your audience according to the level of understanding and interest of your audience. Bring them into their comfort zone before you declare any point. In any case, do not lose them or upset them. Make a point on its own merits and carry them with you.
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