A child sits and waits. Hearing her mother say that she and the girl's brothers, would go into town to shop with a friend. For some reason the mother was going to leave the little girl at home with the sleeping father.
Questions raced through the girls head. Why was she being left behind? Did the father ask to watch her for the mother? What did she do wrong? What was she supposed to do with the mother and brothers gone? How could she protect herself from the father? I'm not the youngerst child. Why do I have to stay behind? Yes, he's sleeping now but when the mother puts her to bed with the father what will he do? Will he touch her like before?
Could she stop breathing long enough for the mother to return? These are the questions the girl asked herself. The one thing the girl knew was that if she didn't breath long enough it wouldn't matter if the father awoke. She would not feel his hands on her. Not feel the heat of his body. She would not hear the ragged breathing that the father would do. She would not see the look in his face. Or smell his hot breath. She would not see the devil eyes or feel his wet mouth on her body. She didn't want to feel the things she would feel. She didn't want to see the things she would see. She didn't want to hear the sounds she had heard so many times before. She did not want to say the things he insisted she say.
The girl sits and waits for the mother and brothers to get ready to go. She keeps thinking.... She is small, not yet six years old. not strong enough to protect herself from the father. She had tried before but he had always won. He was tall and strong and liked to play the game. To strong for her to help herself. What would she do? She sits and waits....
The mother comes to her and tells her they will be back soon. "You'll stay with your father," she says, as she leads her toward the father's room. The girl tries to back away, the mother pulls her closer and closer to the door. The door looked big and the room was dark. She heard the father move. What could she do? She is little and he is big. After all he was her father she had to mind him, do as he asked. Her heart pounded in her ears. She could hardly breath, hardly move step by step toward the bed. Fear that she had felt before was rushing through her.
The mother puts her in the bed. The child feels the soft covers the heat of the father's body. She lays still.... The mother leaves the room, the house. The child lays still.... The child hears the father breathing. The car ouside starts. The child had to do something fast.
The child moves ever so slowly out of the bed. Quietly runs across the room. Opens the door and quickly runs outside on the porch. She waves franticly for the mother. She cries loudly for her to stop." I want to go with you! I have to go with you.... I can't stay here!"
Not with the father. Not today! The child cries harder, now yells for the mother. The car stops. The child cries. The child shakes. The mother yells,"Get in the car"!
The mother doesn't understand. She was not going to be gone long. And the father would take care of her child. He always had. The child had found a way to get away from the father. This time! But what could she do the next time to get away from the father? Before he touches her again. The child sits and waits.... and thinks.... as the car drives toward the town.
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