It was a cold and snowy day and the child had been cooped up in the house for what seemed like an eternity. So when the father was going to her Uncles house and help feed the animals she was excited to be able to go with him.
Mother dressed her warmly and put on the brothers black snow boots with the black buckles that buckled all the way to the top. They were to big but she didnít care. She was finally able to go outside.
They said their goodbyes and father said ,ďDonít worry. It may take awhile to get everything done at the farm. We will be back as soon as we can.Ē They piled into the truck and started on their way.
The snow was coming down harder than it was earlier but the child was so excited she didnít even care. White flakes of snow everywhere. As the truck drew near the farm the child told the father that she wanted to play with her cousin while he helped feed the animals.
Thatís when she looked at the father and she saw that familiar gaze in his eyes. A look she had seen before. He told her what she had feared most that the family wouldnít be home.
But he would play with her when he had finished the chores. This wasnít what she wanted. She wanted to see her cousin and play dolls or games. But the fear creped in now and she knew she would have to play the fatherís game. A game that they had played before. A game the little girl didnít want to play. A game that the father always insisted that they play when they were alone.
The truck pull up in front of the house and the child was taken into the house. The father sat her on the couch and told her to stay there until he was done outside and then he would come back and play with her. After the father had left and the child sits and waitsÖ..
She tries to think of ways to get back to mother. She could run out of the house but the snow was to deep and it was to far to her home. She thought of going over to the big corn bin and hiding but she knew the father would find her. She didnít want to play fatherís game. She didnít want to play with the father and she didnít want the father to play with her. She just wanted to go home. Why had she come with him anyway?
She knew not to be alone with the father. It always happened when they were alone. She knew that no matter what she did or said she would have to play the fatherís game with him. The child sits and waitsÖ..
She knew the game was coming and she knew she couldnít get away. She prayed the family would return before the game began. In her heart she knew they wouldnít return soon enough and she would have to play the game. Her fear was so intense that her stomache hurt her so badly. She was so afraid that she was shaking all over as if she were cold but it was warm in the house where she waited.
Time passed so slowly and the girlís dream of a happy day had ended. It seemed like hours before the father returned. The girl sits and waitsÖ. And thinks.
Maybe the father had fallen and hurt himself badly. Maybe he had forgotten she was with him and left. Maybe the father had been eaten by the animals. That could happen. Couldnít it? All this was wishful thinking on the girls part because things like that never happened when you wanted them to. No matter how badly you wanted it to happen it wouldnít.
The back door opened and in came the father with snow everywhere. The child watched as he took off his coat and shook the snow away. The father looks at the girl and asked,Ē Are you ready to play?Ē The child protested by saying they need to get back to the mother for she would be worried. But the father said she wouldnít worry because he would take good care of her child. He always had before. The father came closer and the girls heart just pounded in her chest. Fear of the father grew day by day. Would he ever let her alone so she could be a simple six year old again?
The father told the girl that she must take off her coat for if she didnít she would get cold when they went outside again. The girl didnít want to take it off so she grabbed the front of her coat with both hands and tried to hold onto it as hard as she could but the father started to unbutton her coat and took it off.
The child said she would tell mother of their game. But the father just laughed and said the mother wouldnít believe her. The father told her that her mother already knew that they played games together. The child knew her mother wouldnít believe her but she had to try something.
She told the father she didnít want to play with him and he just smiled that awful smile and kissed her neck and then her cheek and then he kissed her on the mouth. Not a kiss a father would kiss but a kiss like a man and a woman kissed. A gentle kiss at first and then it became harder and wetter until his tongue was in her mouth and his breathing was so ragged.
She knew the game had begun and she couldnít stop him. Because she was too small and he was too big. During the game he had laid her on the couch and had taken off the rest of her clothes and was playing the game with his mouth.
But all the child could see was the big black boots that the father was taking off of her buckle by buckle and kiss by kiss. Those god awful boots that she had on. The ones with the buckles all the way to the top. She kept looking at the boots. She kept looking everywhere else but at the father.
She didnít want to feel the feelings that she felt. She didnít want to hear the words and the ragged breathing of the father. She didnít want to see the things she was seeing. At this point the father looks up from her inter most private parts and whispers softly,"You like this game donít you? It feels good donít it? You love me donít you?"
All the frightened little girl could say was yes. Hoping he would be done soon the girl tries to put it out of her mind. She keeps looking at those awful boots that she should be wearing and thinks.....
She put herself in another world, one of happiness, smiles, and a simple childís love, one without problems and one without a father.