A story created especially for my father-in-law for Father's Day. At press time, he hasn't even read it yet. Title and subject matter suggested by Cyclone, my 4th grade son...

Well, I know it sounds like something a fourth-grader would make up, but I’m telling you, it happened.

You see, I was getting married that day. My wife, God love her, wanted to get married at the park, in one of those magazine-looking weddings. You know, green grass, sunshine, girls in fluffy dresses, all that nonsense.

I went along with it, well, because I had to. Let that be a lesson to you, lad. Men don’t ever get a say in their own wedding, so you might as well like what your wife-to-be wants to have. It’ll make it a lot easier, let me tell you. So, I went along and had rented a tux and my best friend, Nate, rented a monkey suit, too, and there we stood, looking like a couple of penguins.

No, no, not those penguins with the crests. Emperor penguins, I think they are. No, not those. Well, maybe Nate, because he had that orange hair, back then.

Well, we were at this sort of pavilion at the park. There was a big white canopy, lots of chairs with ribbons on ‘em, and people everywhere looking like they were dressed for church. Yeah, and my wife to be, Lord love her, was there, too, with a huge smile on her face. Well sure, she could smile. She wasn’t dressed like a penguin.

Some kids had been playing at this point in the park, but we didn’t know that then. The kids had been having a picnic, apparently. I mean, we saw a couple of red paper plates here and there, but we didn’t heed it, much. We were too preoccupied with the doings of the day. And the minister was there, too, making sure we were all getting to our places on time. Me, I was just glad the grass wasn’t wet, because those shoes you have to wear with a tuxedo can be really slippery.

Robin had her electronic keyboard and she started playing that bridal march. Dum-dum-da-dum. You know how it goes. So I come out to meet my wife, and she was all smiles, still. I wondered if her face hurt. Mine sure would have.

The minister does his whole bit, next, and we said all the right things. It was a wedding, you know? The bride wore white, the rest of us looked pretty bad in comparison, even Nate with his orange hair.

Then, the minister finally says, “I pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride.”

So I did. Kiss her, I mean, and then we turned to go down the aisle as husband and wife. It should have been the end of it.

Except that someone had moved some of those ribbon-covered chairs and we had to swerve a little bit to get down that aisle. I think it had to do with the sun moving through a slit in the canopy and getting in some lady’s eyes or something. So the path was a little different than it had been going up that same aisle.

And there it was, right there on the grass. I didn’t see it, though, because I wasn’t thinking of getting down the aisle. I was thinking of the reception and having a beer. Yeah, I know. Terrible, but that’s the truth. I really needed a drink.

I stepped hard on it. It slipped. Banana peel. Can you believe it? Right there, in front of everybody, holding on to my wife in her big white dress. It looked like something from some stupid show, when you watch the videotape.

It’s embarrassing. Well, not only did I fall, but I grabbed at the first thing I could to stop myself. Yeah, it was my brand new wife. I fell on the grass, in front of everyone, pulling her down on top of me with about a million yards of white satin all over both of us, and her veil fell off and landed on the ring bearer, who promptly started yelling that he didn’t WEAR veils, they were for GIRLS.

I’m apologizing all over the place, my wife was laughing in my face, and the guests were all trying to get us up off the grass. And then Nate, best friend that he is, pushed everyone aside to help Carol to her feet.

And he slipped on that banana peel, too!

After that, we all forgot that we were at a wedding, I think. All those people in their nice clothes sat down on the grass and laughed hysterically.

It’s all on tape. Yep, we sent it to America’s Funniest Home Videos and won $100,000.

And that’s how we got to go on this cruise. Aren’t you sorry you asked?