“Breakthrough? What is this?” I cry. “It looks just as it did a few minutes ago.”
“Yes, it does... and I don’t feel any different either.”
“Then you have not yet experienced breakthrough. Simple.”
“Yes! Yes, I have!” I am defiant, defensive. “I am going through--”
“--GOING through, ah, yes, indeed, that is true . You most definitely are going through the passage to transformation. That is certainly truth.”
“Wait! Don’t leave me here, like this.... I don’t know what to do next.”
Long silent looking from wiser eyes gives me the understanding that I will not be given the answer. I have been given the way; that is all. It is enough; part of me does comprehend enough so that I can begin tomorrow–
“It begins now; here, this place, this second. DO IT NOW.”
Standing quiet inside my head, I know I have missed something vital to my soul’s progress. What is it? I cannot think of what I must do in the now moment.
“I am here; this is the world as I know it, as I think it, and thank heavens I have finally begun to think of it joyously. Thank you god and angels, thank you for this joy. But, what must I do to be in the Now at all times? How do I think? What words do I say? What action do I take?” It appears hopeless to me.
“You must center, balance; you must be at the neutral point. Being in this place is the pathway to center, that which you know as One, the One that is us. Step through. Join all your scattered selves into one. Step through into One.”
The Voice became stronger. “Become more than you think you are. If you are a peasant, be an earl, if an earl, be the king. Close your eyes; see the next step on your path. What does it look like, what do you see? Are you a peasant? Are you an earl? Are you the king? No? Well, look again. Step outside your body for just a moment and look at your true self; see yourself for what you are.”
My vision cleared somewhat. “I see light; there is no form at all, only shadows of forms, shaped in a very beautiful column.”
“Look closer, what do you see?”
I know the words; I don’t have to make them happen. “I see a beautiful serene woman floating in harmony and joy in the middle of the incredibly healing light that is love and joy, surrounding her, floating her in a cloud...” Sounds like a pink fuzzy cloud to me… I already know what is Real, and it is not this vision. Chuckling to myself, I continue more honestly.
“And then I look and see the awkward form of an aging woman falling from the sky, dropped from the cloud, as being not truthful, as having no true truth at all!”
I am dismayed. I look down, see my normal green pointed toed boots sticking out from under my stained leather leggings. I pat myself, yes, this is me. This is who I am, where I am, this is my world.... that other place was surely a dream....
“Never mind your fears, Child. Be calm. Be centered. Remain in balance. That is enough for Now to happen.”
My boots kick up dust in the dirt road where I walk. Humming a tuneless chant, I think of all the wonderful things to be purchased at the country fair today. “Maybe I can find a pretty ribbon for my hair, or maybe a new scarf…”
Judith Leigh Bailey
Copyright August 2003 All Rights Reserved