“Rainbow Song”, is inevitably one of the best alternative lifestyle romance novels in years, combining every emotion known. The result is an explosive and passionate gay love-story filled with illicit romance, sex and adult angst, a combination that is perpetually popular with gay readers and anyone who likes to sit down with a irresistible love story.
Anthony ‘Chuck’ Brown is a young gay man, growing into adulthood and searching for the perfect love, a partner he can spend the rest of his life with. Hesitant and uncertain of what is to become of his search to find true love. In spite of all the tragic love affairs he’d heard about, he knew finding true love in the gay lifestyle, was almost impossible. Nevertheless, he still had hope. Hope because he knew he wasn’t an ugly guy and believed that someday, he would be blessed with that special someone that will love him just as much or more, than he could ever imagine. He believed that somewhere out there, there was someone for everyone ... even him.
Dare to follow Chuck through a revealing journey of love, exploration of life and a rude awakening to the un-forbidding world around him. Armed with vigor and the ability to accept the reality of his homosexual lifestyle, ‘Chuck’ learns the hard way, what it takes to cope in a heterosexual world being gay. Drawing only upon his limited life experience, his journey towards an ideal life of love, peace and happiness, becomes more than just a little difficult, as the truths of his life are brought forth and brings him one step closer to discovering his own fate.
Chuck soon finds the love of his life, but not before his life comes crashing down around him, in a heart-wrenched ending that will keep you wanting more.
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The rainbow. A sign from the heavens that the storm is coming to an end. A sign that there is hope, that the sun will find its way through the clouds and bring its warmth upon the earth. It is the same which is used by the gay community, through the symbol of a flag. A flag that had stood the test of time through the years.
People know me as ‘Chuck’, Anthony Chuck Brown, for those of you who do not know me by my full name. I have lived a number of years being gay, and have now come to terms with who I am and the past that I have reluctantly put behind me. I have suffered many trials in my life, not to mention the loss of many who I have loved dearly over the years. But the one thing I have never lost, was the Rainbow’s Song. I’m reminded of it each time I see a gay flag hanging from a building, house, or the various gay flag symbols I see, stuck on someone’s car window or bumper. It is a sign that lets me know that there is another person in the world, who I can consider ‘family’. Someone who may have heard the rainbow’s song themselves. For me, the flag has always stood for the good in mankind, whether you were gay or not. Every time I see the flag, it makes me smile. I smile because I know what the flag stands for and there is another person in the world, who feels the way I do.
For many years, the rainbow flag has been used as a symbol, by the gay community, as a sign of hope. A sign that no matter how stormy life can be, the storm is short lived. It represents diversity of sexual orientation and of love. A symbol of internationalism and unity of all people of the earth and that one day, no matter what your sexual preference, the gay community will be treated as equal, amongst a world governed by fear and misunderstanding. The rainbow flag has been a common symbol of gay pride since the 1980’s and was first used to symbolize gay pride and diversity by a well-known San Francisco artist. It currently consists of six colored stripes of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet. Each color stands for a specific meaning. Red, for life; orange, for healing; yellow, for the sun; green, for nature; blue, for harmony; violet, for spirit. For years, the rainbow flag has been a prominent feature of both gay and lesbian pride parades. One of the largest flags I had ever seen, was in New York, 1994. It was a one mile long flag at commemorating the twenty-fifth anniversary of Stonewall. I later heard that pieces of the flag were given to flag-bearers, who had donated money to the provision of services for people with AIDS, as a memento of the event.
For those of you that are here because you’re having a hard time dealing with the idea of one of your family or friends being gay. The only thing I can suggest for you is that you think long and hard about what has changed in that person, now that you know that they are gay and how hard it must have been for them to reveal one of their most darkest secrets. I want you to honor their secret and be sure that now that you know, you will be there for them, whenever the time comes. Simply by them telling you, they trust you and as you know, trust is hard to come by. Most of us have to work very hard to earn another persons trust. Then in the end, do we realize that every earned ‘trust’ can be broken. Especially in a world where every other man or woman is looking for their way up. But because they felt as though they can trust you and felt safe telling you their secret, I want you to stop and think and try not to judge them. Instead, ask yourself, how have they changed since you now know their secret? Have they changed because you now know they have a different sexual preference to you? Didn’t they love and care for you in the same way they always have even before opening up to you? They're still going to help you and be there for you the same way they did before they told you. The one thing we all have to remember is, sexual preference does not make a person. It does not determine how we love, or the fact that we can love. If you listen to your heart and the song of the rainbow, you will realize that their love, is not different from your own. Your relationship with them will only change if you make it.
I know that many of you are wondering what it must be like to be gay and may have dabbled around here and there, with people of the same sex, only to become even more confused. For you, you still have a choice, but for me, there is no choice to make.
Before I heard the rainbow’s song, I awoke every morning wondering if the day was going to better than the next. Wondering if there was a true love out there for me. Someone that will stand by my side as one. Together through the bitter hardships of life. I feared living in this world and dying alone. Never having the chance, to share my life with someone who loved me equally. I was confused and afraid of who I was and what was to become of my life. Not until I heard the rainbow’s song, did I understand the true meaning of it all ...
I’ve never realized the importance of the rainbow, until I heard its song. It was at a point in my life, where I thought hope was lost. A point where true love could not be found, for I did not believe that it existed.
They say, that at the end of the rainbow, one will find a pot of gold. For that, I have hope. Hope that one day, I will find my pot of gold.
The way I saw it, once I found love, everything was going to be different from what I had grown to know of love. The love I imagined, was ideal and unconditional. The kind of love found only in fairy tales.
As I grew older, my desire to find true love was almost non-existent, after having one heartbreak after another. I spent most of my years felling depressed, dejected and demoralized by my friends, family and countless relationships with other gay men that never seemed to work out. No matter how hard I tried to believe in love, I still found myself sinking into the lie, that it did not exist. Nevertheless, believing that there was a love out there, made just for me, was the only thing that kept me living from day-to-day. I didn’t care about all of the wild cards life had dealt me, knowing that each battle or broken heart, only made me stronger and more determined to find my one true love.
No matter how much we all try to deny it, we all want to be loved and sometimes, we will go through great lengths to get it, even if it means going against everything we believe in. As we all know, love can either bring you happiness for the rest of your days, or leave you hating you were ever given life. When it does, we question if love¾ not to mention ‘true’ love, and if it even exists at all. Nevertheless we keep our faith, hoping that the next page of our life, will reveal love’s true identity. Maybe it’s because we know that somewhere out there, there has to be someone who loves us, just for who we are ...
It was a long journey home, that day in August 1999. The dawn to a new millennium, was knocking at my doorstep and the uncertainty of what was to come, was on the minds of everyone around the world. I was saying goodbye to a lifestyle of promiscuity, that had left be bitter, yet wanting more and more each day. I had dreams of a better future, one that guaranteed happiness from living a life of denied pain. Y2K, was the dawn of this change, yet before I said my final good-byes, I wanted to taste the fruit of it, just one last time ...
I was on my way back to Fayetteville, North Carolina, the place I now call home. I had been visiting my friends for a week in Atlanta, which is otherwise known as "Hotlanta". It was Gay Pride week and for me, it was no better time nor place to bring in the coming year and to say goodbye to a lifestyle I had grown to love¾ yet hate.
My journey home, was to be the end to a great weekend and a lifestyle that had caused me so much dire pain and confusion in the past. As I drove, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the fun, drugs and sex I was leaving behind. I had planned for it to be the last time in my life, that I would truly feel unencumbered by being gay. Able to open up to the world, just one last time, to let everyone know what ‘Anthony Chuck Brown’ was all about. I wanted it to be a time to remember, a time when I would live life to the fullest. In just that one week, I had never felt so free.
There were guys, who popped in and out of my life along the way. Some of them stalking me like the model of their affection. They could not just fuck me and go about their merry way. While others did what I needed them to do and understood I wanted nothing more from them than their sex. There were even some I wish I could have again, and fascinated about them while masturbating in the shower.
One of my most recent encounters was with a man I met while down in Atlanta, at a one of the many clubs I visited during my stay. He was to be my last piece, before putting an end to a lifestyle that I’ve enjoyed for so many years. His name was Joseph. A twenty-four year old part Latin and part Black guy, who knew how to handle his business in the bedroom. Just thinking about his deep Latin accent and the way he pounded my ass that night after the club sends chills down my spine.
We met at the bar while getting drinks. He approached me and was persistent about having me dance with him. I could dance, but I always liked to play the shy-innocent role, leading on that I was too afraid to get out on the dance floor and shake my ass. I also didn’t want to lead on that I was an easy piece of ass. From past experiences, I learned that most gay men like a challenge. A challenge of taking advantage of those innocent types. However, I knew the game and knew how to play it to a "T".
After agreeing to dance with him, we headed out to the dance floor, getting down and dirty with one another, just like a scene out of the movie, ‘Dirty Dancing’. It was dark inside the club, including the dance floor. All that lit the room, were flashing strobe lights and a few colorful spinning lights. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew ...