This book follows the story of Lucinda who, at age 11, became the mother of a half white/black baby after being brutally raped. After Ray Shawn is born, he constantly hears and sees sights and sounds of racism, hatred and insults directed at him and his mother. When their lives are threatened and all hell breaks loose because three “good ole boys” are about to stand trial for attacking Lucinda, her only option is to take little Ray, and jet from the warm conditions of their small hometown to avoid the murderous claws of a mob made up of a few of Alabama’s most racists. She must also avoid the blood dripping branches of Jim Crow’s “hang a nigger” tree.
Ten years later in a housing project near Boston, Lucinda is murdered and little Ray becomes a hustler at age 15 at the height of the AIDS epidemic. As he watches his boys being taken out by the disease, he realizes that he’s about to become a statistic also, but he develops a desire while in prison to eventually tell their stories. After becoming a follower of Louis Farrakhan while doing an eight year stretch, he no longer carries within him the hate and revenge that had overtaken his mind, body and soul for whites. Will his desire to take out white men and continue to hustle white women as revenge for his mother’s death vanish by the time he’s released? What difference can he make out of prison with his freedom and renewed life?
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A Note from the Author
Giving Back the Love
To be able to create something from just your imagination that touches and inspires people is truly a blessing. From the first day of my life to the present, it has not been a happy, exciting roller-coaster ride. There have been ups and too many downs to try and count them all. But through the good and the bad and the ups and downs, God has stood by me and with me. He always surrounded me with his love and protection. He’s been my all and all and has brought me through each one of my storms. Oh, how I wish I could tell just how many times he spared my life with his wondrous grace. Some may ask, “Why are you still alive after all of the dangerous situations that you have been in?” And my answer each time would be to fulfill God’s purpose for me here on this earth. And when it’s my time, he will call me home. We all have a purpose here on earth. Some may not know what theirs are, while others may be living their purpose and not know it. But whatever your purpose is, it should be a good one because God would not have created anyone to fulfill a bad purpose. We do bad things by choice, and believe it or not, God allows it because we are his children. He does not condone it, but it is hard for him to deny us. Just like a mother loves her children and hates to deny them, God
Eyes . . . JB
loves us even more. During my preteen and teenage years and some of my adult life, everything that I did was wrong and sinful: robbing, stealing, hustling, panhandling, and cheating. Those were just some of my dirty deeds. Were those acts of wrongdoings my purpose? No! And just as I knew, God knew as well because he knows everything. He knows our every move. But still, he always brought me over. He forgave me every single time I committed an act of violence. Many times, he allowed me to be punished. But I’m so glad that man didn’t have anything at all to do in making the world in which we live because man may not have forgiven me. He will hate, be judgmental, and call me everything but a child of God, no matter how much I’ve changed or how much I try to do right. For nearly seventeen years, I’ve traveled throughout the state of Alabama and beyond, spreading the Gospel truth to youth about the dangers of HIV and AIDS and about life itself, using the hardships of my life as an example. (And let me set the record straight: the only reason I don’t have or never became infected with HIV or AIDS is because God always kept his shield of protection around me.) Remember, I have a purpose to fulfill. Some youth listened, and some didn’t, but as God has loved me, I will always have nothing but genuine love for them all. The journey hasn’t always been pleasant but has always been worth it. In my travels, I meet young people whom I would lay down my own life for just so they can live righteous and happy lives and see and realize all the wonderful things in life that God has made available to them. And because of their love, trust, and belief in me, this book is written to be a life road map to them and is dedicated to all of them. Their affection for me is truly appreciated and is truly worthy of public recognition. Real talk! Eyes…JB
"Prom Night Divas"
While out cruising in the Silver Shadow one beautiful August afternoon
with the top dropped, exactly two months after my high school celebrated
prom night, I read the article in the newspaper that said fifteen students
tested positive for HIV. Nine girls and six boys, and every time I reflect
back and think about that terrible time, it makes me mad as hell because
I know that Gina and her killer friends had a lot to do with that.
Yo, I hate to say this about my dawg Trey, but he never knew. He just
kept on smiling and flexing his muscles while rapping and stunting like
a rock star all up in my whip. He was acting as if he was a major rap star
or somebody. The Rolls was mine I thought, but he was acting as if it was
his. He’d already told me and some of his boys that he was gonna get into
Naeisha’s jeans that night. That slut would let any Tom, Dick, and Harry hit that ass. When Trey and I pulled up, she was having an amusing conversation with a lesbian friend of hers whose name was Bip while showing off her newly manicured nails. Why were these divas gay? That was a mystery to me
too. No one else could believe it either. When they were discovered
making out behind the schools gymnasium it was plain as the nose on
your face. They were two of the finest, but ignorant bisexual beauties that I’d met in my pimping life, and they were still in high school. “Oh well, girlfriend, I guess you showed him,” Bip said while smiling. “Yeah, but
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I kind of hate it in a way because he was nicer than Javaris. All that dog
did was talk about his shorty after I blessed his ass with some of my monkey.” “Maybe he’ll hook her up with this prom night gift that I’m gonna
give him. You know what I’m sayin’, baby girl? ’Cause I don’t care anymore,” Naeisha said, sounding very revengeful. Looking through my rearview mirror, I could see Regina Roland, another square ass freak,
approaching. “Gina, what’s up with you, girlfriend, and did you score yet?” Eisha asked, sounding concern. “Oh yeah, two down and eight to go, but I gotta chill a little because I talked to my doctor two days ago, and he told me that I was developing last stage symptoms, but I bet I have twenty before you, ho,” Gina said jokingly. “Oh well, the night is still young, if you know what I mean, girlfriend.” Eisha laughed. “Sexy Trey, what it be about, dawg? Hey, Fast Money, when are you gonna turn a real diva out and make her your number one ho, dawg?” Eisha hollowed out. But I ignored the freak. I wasn’t too happy to see her after reading that shit in the paper.
“It’s about time you hook a playa up,” Trey said. “Yo, I thought you’d never ask because you know you ain’t nothing but a dog anyway.” Eisha laughed. I told Trey he should’ve pimped slapped that freak for disrespecting him like that. I also told him that she was infected, but he didn’t believe it. “True that… where’s it gonna happen, my whip or yours?” Trey asked. “Hey dawg, hop out of that Rolls and go and get your mom’s Lexus so we can flex up in it,” Eisha said excitedly. “And how’s your boo Jeanette doing these days?” ‘Eisha asked. “I don’t want to talk about her, Eisha, especially while we’re kicking it like this,” Trey said,
sounding respectful. “Why not, you always cheating on her, right?” Eisha snapped back. “Yo, you brought it, so I’m havin’ it. Women think all men are dogs anyway, right? A yo check this out, shorty, take me back to where you
scooped me up from because I’m about to bounce ’cause I ain’t with that shit you’re talking,” Trey said angrily. Seeing just how crazy that
chickenhead was sounding, I had to confront her.
If I Should Die Tonight
“Yo, Eisha, why are you so damn crazy?” I yelled out, but she ignored
my ass and started saying this stupid shit. “I’m feeling the fact that I
shouldn’t be feeling this way on prom night, all hateful and revengeful,
but I have something to prove to all the haters at my school. You see, I
know I’m fine and gorgeous and all that shit, and so are my best friends,
Gina and Bip. Tonight is prom night, and my mom has rented me a money green convertible Mustang, and that baby is sittin’ on a nice set of 24’s, with a stereo system that’s the bomb,” she said. “That mug is gonna be thumpin’ off the hinges too, and I’m gonna
fuck some mother’s son up tonight.” She laughed. I wanted to tell the
freak that she talked too damn much, but I just listened as she kept on
running her damn big-ass mouth. “I know I’m a queen. Damn, just look
at me, dawg, all iced down in this long sleeveless money green dress and
peeping out of my hazel green contacts to match,” she said, all cocky. Her girl Gina was stylin’ hard too, with her long jet-black and burgundy weave, all blowing in the wind. She had on an ankle-length midnight black silk gown with splits on both sides, and she was wearing the hell out of it too. The girl was laid out. They knew they could get any boy they wanted, no doubt. “Hey, Fast Money, so what if I’m sixteen and got two babies, and Gina is fifteen and has one, and my girl Bip is expecting?” Eisha said proudly. “They don’t care! Javaris, Trey, Marquis, Devin, Ron, and the rest of them dogs that we’ve had tonight don’t care. They just wanted to fuck, and that’s all, and just as sure as shit stinks, we fucked them. And oh, by the way, pimp, in case you didn’t know, all three of us have AIDS if you haven’t figured that out already.” Eisha smiled and said, “So don’t stand too damn close to me because I don’t want you catching this killer.” “But anyway, pimp, why the fuck should we care about who we give it to or what happens to them? No one cared about us. That’s why we don’t
care no more. I care about you, pimp, that’s why I can’t let you mess with
us. We don’t want to mess up your game, dawg,” she said while grabbing
my crotch. “But if you wanna put us on the corner, we’re down for that.”
Eisha laughed. “Bitch, don’t be grabbin’ my pipe and you know you got
that shit! I yelled out.
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“Dudes think they can just get on us and hook us up with that shit and
just jet away. So in retaliation, our goal tonight is extremely dangerous.
We will infect thirty boys between the three of us tonight, pimp, and we’re halfway there already if you’re feeling the girl. The haters at school
call us nappy-headed hoes and sluts, and that’s fine with us. But tonight
is payback time. Plus we ain’t gonna let names cramp our style.” “Bitch,
y’all crazy,” I snapped back.
“Our mission is to have somebody’s boo tonight, and we hope they take this virus we gonna give them and give it to their other half,” Eisha said softly, sounding serious as hell. “Somebody’s gonna kill you, bitches, that’s what’s gonna happen,” I said angrily. At that moment, JT Swift arrived. At the same time, Jovon Dollar, another wannabe pimp, also
showed up. “Hey, JT.” Jovon hollowed from his whip. “What up, Roc dawg,”
T rock yelled back. “Come roll with me, playa, I got that shorty Gina
up in here yo, and she gonna hook us up, man. Are you down?” Jovon asked while smiling like a game sucker. “Sex?” T rock asked, sounding
excited. “Hell yeah,” Jovon replied and laughed. “Are you crazy, dawg, you
know I’m down for that because I heard that Gina’s stuff was off the chain,” T rock said, sounding cool as hell. “A yo, pull this bitch over. Let’s get busy right now.” T rock laughed while grabbing at the steering wheel.
“What’s wrong, Gina baby, come on?”
“I hope y’all ain’t got no rubbers? ’Cause I don’t use them things. They make me break out,” Gina said. “Oh well, Roc and I got ours with us, and we gonna use them because we were told to always use a latex every time we have sex, just to be safe. That dude that came to the school and talked about AIDS told us that,” Jovon said, sounding serious.
“Well, I guess y’all better go get some pussy from that dude then…
because y’all ain’t gettin’ shit from me,” Gina said, sounding serious. “Yo,
yo, hold up, Gina baby, we ain’t gonna worry about it, we know you’re clean, and you know we ain’t got shit,” JT said quickly. “Yo whose cell is going off, one of yawl’s or mine,” hollowed Gina. “You know it ain’t yours, bitch,” Roc said smiling. “Who would be callin’ you? You damn freak!”
If I Should Die Tonight
“Your boy Barry, and oh yeah, did you know he was gettin’ on your girl when you ain’t around, dawg,” Gina responded gleefully. “Hey yo, you can go on with that shit, Gina, ‘cause ain’t nobody hittin’ my baby,” Roc said convincingly. “Yeah, whatever, dawg, drop me off behind the school. I’ll catch you lames later, and oh, by the way, the sex was good,” Gina said playfully. “What it be like, Gina?” Barry said while sneaking up and grabbing her from behind. “Hey, Barry, what you doing with that lame-ass Jamey rolling with you, dawg? I thought you were gonna be alone,” Gina said, sounding surprised. “I told him that I was meeting you, so he wanted to chill. Is that all right with you, baby girl?” Barry asked with a smile on his face. “I guess so, because sex is always better when there are two or more doing it. But I know ball players don’t know anything about that, right? All they know about are shooting hoops,” Gina said sarcastically.
“Oh well, tonight, I’m gonna school you ballers on some serious love
making. Check it, which one of y’all is going first?” she asked. “Wow!
Such lames,” she said as she was leaving. I gotta hit my girl Eisha up
and see what’s her count, ‘Gina thought to herself. “Eisha where you at, and what be your count, dawg?” Gina spoke into her new touch screen.
“Girlfriend, I’m chilling up in this tight limo with your dawg, Sugar boo,
Mr. Thug life himself. He rented this baby in the ATL, and he swears up
and down that he’s ’bout it. And oh, by the way, he’s number ten, thank
you.” Eisha said boastfully. “He’s laying me out with this tattoo that you and I always wanted. You know the one that says ‘I got you.’ He told me that if I break him off that would be all the pay he needed. A double whammy if you ask me because I’m piercing his big ugly-ass ears using the same needle that he used on me, girlfriend, and my blood is all on it. He’s so stupid. He said that when he drop me off at the school, he was gonna scoop his shorty up and take her out in the ‘you know where’ and sex her up all night long.” Eisha laughed.
“Too bad this fool doesn’t know the facts about AIDS, but even if he did, it’s kind of too late now because he’s a playa that’s been played,” Eisha whispered in her phone. “And guess what else, girl, he just told me
Eyes . . . JB
that he goes both ways, a down low brother, ain’t that a bunch of bull. He
said he has a friend by the name of Mario that sexes him up whenever
he wants it. The nerve of him telling me this shit. Can you believe that?”
Eisha laughed. “Gina, I think it is about time you come and get me because I’m about ready to bounce up outta here. We need to jet back to the school, dawg,” Eisha said. “Hey okay, I’ll floss right over.” Two months after that fateful prom night, Gina and Eisha both became very ill. Gina was admitted into the hospital. A week later, she died. But she left this earth knowing that MBip and Eisha were her very best friends to the end and would carry on the battle in her name. She never found out who infected her with the virus, and neither have I. But I’m glad as hell that I didn’t fuck with them. They made sure I didn’t. Gina’s mom has custody of her child, Demonshe, Eisha’s godchild.
Yes, I’m a little remorseful, and I know it’s been said that pimps don’t have hearts, but that was some foul shit. Who knows, I could have lain down
with either one of them, even though they claimed to be looking out for
me because I was cool. I knew for a fact that Eisha and that chick Bip were planning on fucking up a whole lot of young dumbass cats because of what happened to Gina. Those cats are gonna rush and hit that ass and gonna be in for a rude awakening. Some of them don’t even know Eisha or Bip, but they’ll know them when they become infected. They were both flirting at the games and at the dances, and they
were even at the skating rink, trying to hit on guys. They were looking
to be had by all those so-called playas and wannabe pimps who were all
stunting and thinking that they’re all that. What’s gonna get their square
asses are those freaks are still looking like divas. I mean damn good!
And those punks gonna be dumb and eat some of that monkey, not knowing what their getting. Most of them think they can’t get infected that way. Those two killers are gonna take them to the candy store and let them help themselves, and when they’re finished, they gonna be some dead motherfuckers yo. They gonna hook them up on the strength. Several weeks after the school season had ended, Eisha’s naked