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david n bending

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Member Since: Apr, 2010

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The Absurd Secret Diary Of An Unborn Baby
by david n bending   

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Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  LULU.COM ISBN-10:  1445258692 Type: 
Pages: 

146

Copyright:  Dec 30, 2009 ISBN-13:  9781445258690
Fiction

A humorous look at the life of an unborn baby and his often unstable but well meaning alcoholic mother, interlaced with dangerous and witty adventures. A book for the coffee table, gift for new parents or a read anywhere, anytime book.

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THE UNBORN BABY HAS MANY EVENTFUL EXPERIENCES WITH HIS ALCOHOLIC MOTHER. SKYDIVING SOUNDS DANGEROUS BUT HIS MOTHER PUTS HIM THROUGH THIS ADRENALIN RUSH. THE HIJACKING OF A PLANE THEY ARE ON CAUSES HAVOC WITH THE MOTHER NEARLY CAUSING AN ACCIDENTAL CRASH.  HIS MAIN LOVE THOUGH IS HIS GIRLFRIEND, DARA, AND LIFE OF AN UNBORN IS NEVER EASY!!

FREE PUBLISHED BOOK GIVE AWAY AS BELOW 1# FREE signed copy of 'THE ABSURD SECRET DIARY OF AN UNBORN BABY' to give away to the first reader to leave message on my website link guest book 

THE ABSURD SECRET DIARY OF AN UNBORN BABY 

SAMPLE PAGE

Monday 6th October. 

 

Feeling unwell. Was I suffering from a life threatening fever? Was it swine flue? No. Was it the curry? It was! How do I know? Because after eating a scorching hot Indian, mother answered a little after midnight. Thoughtfully brought up the horrid looking contents of her stomach, but didn't think it resembled much of a curry though! Mother vomited all night, but thankfully, not over me!

 

Tuesday 7th October.  

 

Mother worships idols (dead and alive) like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and some 70's singer called Melanie, but most of all, she worships Beatrice Dalle. Beatrice who? She played the character Betty in the film Betty Blue! More of that another day.

 My padded cell is so big I could swing a great, floppy fish around this weird, water world I inhabit. If only I could hang out a sign on my front door saying, 'Don't feed the fish, just feed me'. Listening mother?

 Yesterday, when I was waiting for the number 29 bus outside Ronnie Patel's British Fish and Chip Shop on the corner of Moon Street, I overheard a two-week old newborn in a pram complaining (I think he was Joshua the Jew in his unborn days). He was telling his neighbour how 'one doesn't realise what is lost when the womb is just a distant memory. It is only when having lost your home, you appreciate what has come and gone'. I think he will be a philosopher one day!

 

Wednesday 8th October. 

 

Today I have developed temperamental tantrums! What follows temperamental tantrums? Temperamental breakdowns of course. I am fully stressed, and could someone please call a doctor. I feel a strong urge to kick out at something. Strangely, mother comes to mind. Then again, kick out with what? My legs are too short, my feet too inadequate. Everything is too small!

 


Excerpt

"The strong whiff of alcohol on mother's breath confirmed my suspicions. She must have taken a crafty slurp when i was having forty winks.
This jump is going to be a living nightmare, and guess what, it's all mine!"

"We lay down on the sofa to watch a dvd titled 'Mother's Day' but failed to spot the 18 certificate on the cover. A blood and gore video, and i'm under age!"




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