Bad Girl Gone Mom
Bad Girl Gone Mom
The story opens with the protagonist at 17-1/2 relating her experience with a bad hitchhiking ride that leads her once again to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. At 13, she almost died and the experience affected her deeply and caused her to make some bad decisions for a few years. She ended up paying the consequences and survived to tell about it.
While K.C. struggles with sexual development dysfunction, hearing loss, and depression she learns she was born without a vagina at age 13. Traumatic events affect her deeply, and the emotional pain leads to addictions. K.C. gets sober in her junior year of high school but sobriety alone is not enough.
When she finds out she is miraculously pregnant, it is a wake-up call. She goes through a period of self-awareness, and eventually turns her bad girl actions into experiences she can use to become a good mother.
Lauer recognizes that she could have committed suicide but she did not. Instead she persevered and sought help. She celebrates her success and challenges readers of all ages to liberate their secrets.
When I first read James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces, his memoir about
alcohol addiction, I identified with his rage and inability to believe in
When I was done reading his book, I was reminded with how alone I had felt when I was a teenager and how terrible life had seemed at certain points in my life. I thought that if I had the guts to put my story down on paper and publish it, it might actually help somebody. So that is what I decided to do
As I worked on this memoir, I used school records, photographs, medical
records, and other pieces of memorabilia to construct the story with accurate details to the best of my ability and recollection. I have not embellished the story, I did not feel I needed to; the actual events were raw enough on their own.
However, because the events in this story are true, I have changed the names of individuals, to provide anonymity for those involved.
This is a story about a girl who gets into trouble after traumatic events
and does adult things, some of them illegal or immoral, and how it affects
her and her family. It is a story of survival.
While some parents may deem this content inappropriate for young children and forbid kids from reading this book, what I think is intolerable and unacceptable are those teens and young adults that are committing suicide because of peer pressure, bullying, and an inability to come to grips with depression, their gender, sexual orientation, their name, their weight, their color, or their religion. If we do not provide them with a way out, they will surely make mistakes.
In this story, I reveal intimate details because these things happened to me when I was young. Teenage suicide, alcoholism, drug addiction, anorexia, date rape, pornography, and STDs are real problems that affect real people. There is help and there is a way out. This memoir is a testament to the fact that even bad girls can turn out to be good moms.
Thank you for reading this, Kay
1980: The Twenty Questions
How do you know if you are an alcoholic or drug addict, or any other
kind of addict?
AA has a list of twenty questions. The first time I learned about
them, I was fifteen. Back then, they said if you answered four or more
“correctly,” as in the affirmative yes, you might be an alcoholic. Shit, I
think I got fifteen out of the twenty correct the first time.
That was until I realized that it might mean that I was an alcoholic.
I then devised the following list of disclaimers (in italics) to reduce my
yes answers down to four.
1. Do you lose time from work due to your drinking? No, not usually.
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy? No, my life was
unhappy at home before I started drinking.
3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people? No, I am
obnoxious sober too.
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation? No, it is giving me a bigger one.
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? I am always sad when
I run out.
6. Have you gotten into financial difficulties because of your
drinking? No, I work three jobs, so I can afford it.
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment
when drinking? No, I am usually hanging with the dregs of life
anyway, might as well party with them.
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?
Nope, my family disowned me.
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking? Not at all, now I
have ambitions to party like a rock star.
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? Any time of the day
is good. I am not particular.
11. Do you want a drink the next morning? It depends on whether I
have just woken up or had been up all night.
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? Not at all,
I can pass out anywhere.
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking? No, actually I have
become more efficient.
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business? No, I do not think
my arrest will matter.
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or troubles? Yes, but you
would too if you were me.
16. Do you drink alone? Yes. I work a lot and I go to school. I do not
have time for socialization; and besides, it is illegal because I am
fifteen. If I were old enough, I would go to bars. However, since
I am not allowed to go, I just carry a bottle or a dime bag in my
purse, drink, and get high in school, at home, or at work.
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory because of your
drinking? Yes, sometimes I cannot remember what happened;
it can be very embarrassing I think I might have slept with my
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking? No.
19. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence? Nope, I have plenty
of confidence. I am cocky and cantankerous.
20. Have you ever been in a hospital or institution because of
drinking? Yes, but that was only because my parents made me.
It gave me a lighter sentence in court.
If you have answered YES to any one of the questions, there is a definite
warning that you may be an alcoholic.
If you have answered YES to any two, the chances are that you are an
If you have answered YES to three or more, you are definitely an alcoholic.
AA Twenty Questions
There are people that will tell you that alcoholism is insidious. What they
mean by that is that it affects your body and mind slowly, entrapping you
into its folds before you even realize you have the disease. At first, you
want it, but then you feel like you need it. Then you feel like you can’t
live without it. At least that is what happened to me.
The End (January 14, 1983)
“If you want me to give you a ride home, you are gonna have to blow me.”
We were sitting in his filthy red Ford pick-up truck in a dirt-covered parking lot behind some seedy country bar. I was not wearing a watch but knew the bar was closed and had been for a while. All the cars and trucks that were there when we arrived hours earlier are now gone; we are alone.
Ed has been trying to convince me to get out of his truck for the last
thirty minutes as the lot emptied out, but I will not budge. “Please give
me a ride back. Please!”
I was so drunk I could tell you my name and where I lived but that was about it at that moment. I had been drinking since he picked me up with his friend around 2:30 that afternoon. Now it was twelve hours later and I was plastered. I realized at that moment that I was out of control; it was one of those “oh shit” moments. Not unlike the ones I
had had about a year and a half prior, when first introduced to Alcoholics
Earlier in the day, at my parents’ house I had had another “oh shit”
moment when I was scoping them out to see if maybe I could move home again. In fact, I had shown up with a peace offering but the meat had not made any difference in their response to my request.
Carrying the plastic bag of venison freshly killed and deliciously
marinated, I had walked the entire way home to their house because
no one would pick me up. I was enormously proud of my gift because
I had helped hunt the deer, if you call jacking deer hunting. I had just
held the flashlight in the buck’s eyes. It had been enough to stun him
for Frank to get the shot. Then he had brought me back to the house
and gone with a friend of his to get the deer.
When I got up a few hours
later, Frank had gutted the organs from the deer and then pulled it up
around the tree limb in front of the kitchen for it to bleed out.
It had to set there for twenty-four hours. We were vigilant banging
pots around the kitchen to keep the vermin away during the day, and
Frank had kept watch at night. “The hide was worth something providing
the vermin did not get it,” he had said.
Then that very morning, I had assisted with packaging the meat as
Frank butchered the deer. Nothing was better than freshly butchered
meat. Farm life was a new experience for me, and although I did not
like everything about it, like having to clean the hog pens or feeding the
hunting dogs first thing in the morning when the air was frigid, some
things I actually did like. The meat was one, and singing on Friday nights
with the local farmers was another.
I had called my parents the day before and warned them I was coming over to ask them something, but they were still not happy to see me. I was drinking and drugging, a situation that had caused my family a lot of grief. In fact, that was why they had thrown me out fifteen months earlier. Now, my mom was pregnant and the household had calmed down since my departure.
My younger brother and sister had been witnesses to my drinking, drugging, and promiscuity for years. I had messed up their lives too and I am sure my parents were not excited about the possibility of me ruining another one of their children.
My folks had tried to get me to stop drinking, but when I resisted
they did not have any other choice. They went into the protective mode
and adopted a tough-love stance.
I do not remember what happened to the meat. It was only after I handed it to my mother and she put it in the sink because it was bleeding through the bag that I realized I had ruined my favorite suede coat. It was another “oh shit” moment.
It was just the icing on the cake of another day in paradise, otherwise
known as my life. I took offense immediately to my parents’ desire to
protect their home. How could they not see that I needed to be home?
“Mom, what do you think about me moving back home?”
“Well, K. C., you know we love you, but until you have stopped
drinking we cannot let you disrupt this family anymore. We would like
to help you but we cannot.”
I felt as if I was the bag of raw meat, cast into the sink, bloody, and
staining everything in its path. I would not beg and I could not apologize.
How could they be so cold? Could they not see anything good about me?
How could it be so easy for them to cast me onto the street after having
put so much money and time into my well-being in my earlier years? How
dare they tell me to get my priorities straight? I worked hard. I was an
honor student pulling A’s and B’s at school and I had supported myself,
on and off for a while. I was a decent kid with a wild streak.
“How are things going at Stephen’s parents’ house?”
I lied. “Everything is fine.” The truth would have been too much for
them to hear; it would have hurt them. Keeping secrets made things easier.
I could not be who they wanted me to be. I was different, abnormal, and
incomplete. I would never be a normal person; I had too many issues.