Once God healed me I discovered that the love and acceptance I always knew Jesus had for me, while suffering with a mental illness is the same love and acceptance Christians are to have for one another across denominational lines.
Love and Acceptance
I refused to let go of my confidence or the actuality of the love and acceptance Jesus held for me, even if I was flawed with a mental illness.
The cycle of dysfunction spun Annette Robertson’s life out of control until it was ruled by a mental illness. God’s promise to heal her sustained her for ten years, until the day of restoration arrived. After taking back the territory of her mind that the devil had tried claiming, Annette discovered how Love and Acceptance of oneself is learning to appreciate who God designed her to be. Despite the obstacles within Annette’s mind, God’s love helped her to accept who she was, even at her worst.
Readers will see through this inspirational story that Love and Acceptance of others across denominational lines begins with an appreciation for individuality. Freedom from the darkness of diversity fades into the illuminating sovereignty of God that unveils the beauty within all who are shaped for his glory.
Annette offers from her experiences both insight and practical teaching that gives the reader tools useful in facing the weapons the evil one wields against God’s children. I trust that you will be blessed in this reading as the Holy Spirit speaks through Annette’s life to you.
Pastor at Church of Christ
Annette Robertson avidly serves in various ministries in her local church. Through God’s healing power and fervent love, she has seen the significance of his supremacy triumphing over evil, which will break barriers and build bridges of unity between those he loves.
In the Gentle Hands of Jesus
…At this particular time I was coming out of a manic episode, the downside felt like it was rapidly crashing harder than the time before, leaving my one track mind to only consider self-destruction once again, since I could not escape the thoughts of being the worst mother, wife, and person on earth. Even if a warm, positive thought tried to enter my mind, it was extinguished with my cold, insensitive judgment. My careless answer was to run away to another state, thinking no one would be able to find me. Clearly my thoughts were not rational; of course, later it became obvious that no matter where I went God intervened. As my mind spiraled downward, I hitched a ride south with a truck driver. As I climbed into the driver side, he explained the passenger side door was tied shut, because it was broken. I tightly held onto a small paper sack that contained several different kinds of prescriptions. He questioned me for a while, asking me where I was headed and why. I finally revealed the reason I was leaving Michigan, because what he thought did not matter to me. After some years of counseling, I realized it was help I was seeking but instead found assistance for the execution. Curious, I asked how he was going to lend a hand, and he revealed he had access to medication that would promptly stop my heart, and there would be no pain involved. I should have realized then that he was more unstable than I was, but it did not even faze me that he wanted to help me commit suicide. We came upon a weigh station, and he urged me to go far in the back of the cab, so I could not be seen. He continued to explain the company he worked for did not allow him to have passengers, and he did not want to get in trouble. Not thinking about the dangerous circumstances that were developing, I climbed into the back as he requested. The longer I sat there, the more paranoid I became, and many ideas crossed my mind about what he really had planned. It was not suspicion alone telling me I was in a dilemma. I believe God sent an angel to minister forewarnings in my ear.18 As he proceeded to explain how I could end my life without pain, I began to think of ways to get away from the anticipated situation. After dropping me off at a diner, he told me to wait there while he dropped his truck off a couple of miles up the road. He would be back in about an hour, then he would call his girlfriend to come get us, and then we would go finish the plan.
After he dropped me off, I remember thinking, I might want to die, but I do not want to get assaulted in the process. I was not sure how long I sat there trying to figure out what I was going to do, but I knew I did not have much time before he came back. Not wanting to end up in the same situation, I carefully observed those at the diner, making sure I chose someone safe this time. Clearly I was not in my right mind. I saw a man walk-in with a little boy and I thought, What would he do with a child by his side? I asked him if I gave him some gas money, if he would drive me on the other side of town. After informing him of my concerns about the truck driver coming back for me (but not my complete plans) and that I was afraid the notorious truck driver was going to harm me, the man did not hesitate to say yes, probably because I looked scared and perhaps sounded frantic. His wife was in the car, and she did not look too happy but agreed to take me wherever I wanted to go. They told me to be careful, because I was in the worst part of town, and my safety could be in jeopardy. I assured them I would be all right, as long as I lost the truck driver, but little did they know that is exactly where I wanted to be. I began walking and came across a field, where I sat and consumed numerous pills, hoping to end this madness that I called my life. After a while I began to walk and could not stop thinking how angry that truck driver must have been when he returned to discover I did not wait. The longer I walked the more I convinced myself the truck driver was looking for me, and if he was angry enough he would find me so he could hurt me. I was beginning to stumble, as thoughts raced through my mind, and I saw a policeman pull someone over to give them a ticket. Thinking the policeman would know where the truck driver was, I walked up to him to ask if he seen the relentless truck driver.
A few things that were not apparent to me at that time were my inability to walk straight and my slurred speech. The police officer asked me to wait in the back of his squad car, while he took care of the gentleman that was speeding. Unaware he could tell there was something wrong with me I willingly agreed to sit in the back of the squad car. I sat there with my paper sack of empty bottles and tried to think where I could hide them. I attempted to put them under the seat, but the way the backseats were designed I could not do that. At the same time I tried to hide the sack under the seat, I looked up to find the officer looking at me through the window. He asked me what was in the bag, and I said “nothing.” Eventually, he discovered the empty bottles and figured out I consumed the prescriptions and called an ambulance. I did not want to go to the hospital, so it took some coaxing for me to get out of the police car. When I tried to walk to the ambulance, my legs buckled, and they rushed me to the hospital…
To read the beginning and conclusion, or the entire contents of Love and Acceptance, contact me or go to http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-60799-760-3