its domestic violence book about my life ,surviving abuse .
Karla Reeves is author of :THE SHADES OF GRACE 2: BRUISES FROMWITH IN.
She is a native of a small town in Kentucky, Karla Reeves has written her memoir, based on her life story of 20 years survival of domestic violence and emotional abuse. She is very spiritual a Christian her, book will inspire you.
She wants to help both victims and abusers identify the patterns of abuse, and the painful and traumatic types of abuse. She writes about the abuse that everyone can't see Emotional abuse and how deep the scars .
Karla is an extraordinary person who redefines survival and faith, honesty and courage . written through her life story is one of struggle and overcoming adversities Her story will target your imagination as it captures the reality of living in abuse. Her strength, honesty and courage as written through her books about her life . She writes about her life with ,compassion , sincerity, and inner strength to fight the depression that comes from the effects of a life from abuse she's suffered. She writes her step-by-step strategies how she's stop her emotional abuse. Karla isn't a doctor of any kind she's a wife ,mother and author that's very passionate about life . She wants people to understand the mind of a survivor and victim of abuse how they think and how they survive. She also wrote the book; THE SHADES OF GRACE, Karla continues to find a way to heal and her faith in God never wavers.
Chapter 1 ĖI am the face of domestic violence.
I looked into the mirror it was the hardest thing I had to do ,was to take a hard long look at myself ,and admit I was a abused woman, that was in abusive relationship . The hardest thing was to say out loud ,ííKarla you are in abusive relationshipíí. I am a survivor of domestic abuse. I am putting a face of domestic abuse. itís my face, its your face . I had to look deep with in my self search my soul for the answers .you can not see what you refuse to see the truth about your life .what is the truth I refused to see ?
I had to see the ugliness of abuse and see it for what it really was. My words are your words. My pain is your pain. Tears are your tears. Domestic violence knows no color ,no age ,no sex ,doesnít matter if it does not matter if you are heterosexual or homosexual, abuse is abuse. Its no excuses to ever hit its just wrong. Bruises I had suffered. Healing starts with me today, I said Lord Help me through this mess .I had to humble myself to see my life as it really was ugliness and pain I tried to hide from myself and from the world .if I didnít admit it(I was in abuse) I didnít have to face it, therefor it wasnít really there the abuse .
I lived my life in denial, lying to myself about the abuse. untill I got out of the abuse
it would never end The fake smile in the mirror of life, the lie I carried on my face.
Some times I couldnít even fake a smile. when I looked into the mirror I couldnít fake the pain
that was in my heart and soul. I wasnít marked with bruises on the outside of my face or , black eye, marked with the bruises from the inside .The abuse wasnít happening was the denial I lived in a fake world that would one day shatter like a mirror. The day my life shattered just like that mirror, I had to put my life back together like a puzzle . Was the day I really saw my real reflection for the first time when I looked deeply into my soul and saw my brokenness of the abuse. There were scars and bruises I didnít see before now I saw them. Until you start acknowlede your in abuse .healing will never start, living in denial will never make him change .When you are blind and not ready to see the truth you will not see the truth . You have to want to To see whats right in front of you like a mirror , you have to look hard . Denial I thought was protecting me. That was the biggest lie I told myself .I believed my own lie of denial. Who did I hurt by living in denial? Myself and most of all my little girl .
See beyond the illusion of denial and lies to see the truth for all that it is . you have to be willing to take on the pain of healing too. with healing there is pain .but the pain will get less day by day you have to take that first step . so let the first step be today .its the hardest so step forth and be healed in Jesus name. (amen) by his stripes I am healed! (say it!) it is not thy will for me to live in fear and pain like this.
Jeremiah 29:11 -
New International Version (©1984)
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Stand on that with faith and the grace of God.
There are so many reasons why a woman will stay in abusive relationship, itís a lie and myth for people to believe that women like to get hit or turned on by being hit. No one wants to be hit. When
you believe that a woman gets turned on by you hitting her you lie to you self, and if youíre the one hitting her, you are a coward. Hitting is not love , love does not hurt. Itís as simple as that in my book. The facts are, the longer you stay in an abusive relationship the more you put your life and your children's lives at risk for death. These abusive relationships will not get any better unless the abuser gets mental help and takes anger management classes. The abuse can happen at any stage in your life, such as a birth of a new baby, or a loss of a job. Itís your choice to hit or not , you choose to hit when you hit. Abuse knows no boundaries or rule of when or why it will happen. The abuser chooses his choices of battery he or she needs to be accountable for their actions not you .its a cowardsí to blame you . Domestic violence can happened to any one at any time. One thing to remember is you canít change anyone and donít believe your
Love can ever change anyone that is denial if you belief that. You can only change you . Ask ,I am I
Being abused? Am I afraid of him or his temper? Are you?ask your self that question. If your answer is yes to both questions, why are you afraid? His temper does it scare you? Be really honest with your self ,donít give him or you any excesses. Are you relieved when he goes to work? are you relieved when these asleep or passed out? Does he cuss you out? Does he call you a bitch or a tramp in front of your children? this is verbal and mental abuse to you and your children, as well as to you making you feel and making you believe you are less than .did his father beat his mother? There is a possibility a 50% chance he will batter you. watch how his father treats his mother. Can you relate to what I have written the questions I have asked? Ask yourself these questions what answers do you come up with? if you can see yourself in the sentences and in these words you are in an abusive relationship. This is how he will treat you as his wife. Do you have any friends or family? Has he ran all your family off? Told you cannot speak to certain members of your family, especially the opposite sex? No one owns you, you were no one's possession, where you live with them or whether you are married to them your no one's property .this man is not your father.Roy ,said , He took me to raise he would tell people that. Why would you take someone to rise? Is that a love statement? No not at all. What he was truly saying was he took me to train and control. He would always tell me if I would just mind, if I would just do as he said everything would work out just fine. If I just listened, he told me I never listened, I did listen more than he ever thought I did. This is mental abuse. Was I a dog or cat he was training? No I wasnít. but I was treated like a pet . When someone tells you this that your stupid. The lies he would fed me maked me belive he knew everything .No one will want you because you have children. No one will want you because you are fat. Roy knew how to manipulate me by saying things like that . No one will want you, if he ever says if I cannot have you no on. Those words are a death threat. I remember he would tell me, youíre the reason that men go postal and blow up buildings, that a threat , be careful, he can and will kill you he wants to keep you in fear .fear is his key to keep you in his control . he was unstable by saying that. and very capable of doing just what he said. I remember his mother in law of his second ex wife called , I donít know what she was saying but I remember what he said to her. I will burn down your house and you in it you bitch. He meant every word he said. Donít mistake that as a joke men saying things like that to a ex wife or girl friend are very dangerous donít tempt them , donít flaunt a new boy friend in their face .so many men keep that promise and kill the one they are threaten. walk carefully like on glass they can kill and they will . That is a threat you need to contact 911 you need to contact someone that can get you out of that situation into counseling because believe it they mean what they say. If I canít have you no one will have you. One thing I would really advise women or advise anyone getting out of domestic violence. The first two years. You are the most vulnerable to get back into that abusive relationship or start a new abusive relationship and the reason I say this is the first year that you get out of the relationship he is will pull out all the stops to win you back. He may even propose to you Roy proposed me trying to win me back. He proposed and these first two years. If you should go back to that abusive person. He is going to be on his best behavior like he is in church with you. daily basis speaking metaphorically, of course, but he is going to be on his best behavior to win you back they will be gifts , There might even be a big diamond ring in the picture. These are all ploys and tricks to get you back but you are guaranteed 100% that unless he gets some type of counseling to show you that he is truly changing he wont change. I will guarantee you that he will get worse if anything and you can believe you have a much greater risk of dying in and that relationship. If you go back to him that first two years, so my suggestion would be, and this is what I did. I got into counseling. Go to counseling like you are in a alcoholic going to AA if you have to find a church group of ladies that you can talk to. That has been through domestic violence find support system a is so important. You may not have family. I did not have family to go to Roy had me so isolated from my entire family. I had very few friends because he ran most of them off. The first two years do not get back with him to not get in a relationship of any type, because you are simply not ready it. It is like when you get out of a violent relationship it is like you have neon at an invisible neon sign above your head ,ready prey as it flashes off and on above your head. I felt this way because after I left Roy. The first couple of months and for couple years even. Men seem like they were coming out of the woodwork to find me. Hey pretty lady saying all their charming words. we are all human to want to be loved and be in a relationship. I was not interested but I do admit I often wondered was I still attractive, but see you do not want to rush into a relationship right after you have left that partner Start the healing of your current relationship you. I would implore you to get counseling