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Aleksandar Krzavac

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Media Guy. God Blesses Media, but not Media Professionals
by Aleksandar Krzavac   

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Books by Aleksandar Krzavac
· Crossroads and/or Illusions, Coping with Plug & Play Ideology
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Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  Editions Dedicaces ISBN-10:  1770764259 Type: 
Pages: 

176

ISBN-13:  9781770764255
Fiction

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Price: $17.35 (eBook)
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He passes through various happenings interesting, sometimes even dramatic but in any case funny. As simple as that he is Media Guy – very naive amateur journalist, almost stupid in some cases but at his best he is the “Top Gun” committed to excellence.

 He passes through various happenings interesting, sometimes even dramatic but in any case funny. As simple as that he is Media Guy – very naive amateur journalist, almost stupid in some cases but at his best he is the “Top Gun” committed to excellence.

Sometimes shame, sometimes pride of his USFTV company; fired or hired again Media Guy is the star no matter where he is, no matter what he does for living – factory worker, telemarketing job or stripping. He is always ready to go somewhere where nobody wants to go. He is brave man. Therefore his TV Company is missing him very much when he is fired.

Reporting from the heart of jungle full of man-eating savages or tribal war sites is for him as ordinary as chatting with colleagues in TV studio. As many others he is not sure whether TV journalism is profession or passion. That’s why he runs extreme risk doing his assignments.

Doing that damned, cursed job he is not even sure whether he fulfills his or parents’ desires.

Very, very unpredictable profession makes him even more unpredictable – Moving from one end to another “Top Gun” to Top naive amateur end makes funny situations with many turns. Some situations are at the same point comic, dramatic even tragic.

Finally, Media Guy gets himself out of any tight spot as the winner in one way or another no matter whether he risks his own life saving suicide person or trying to escape terrorists who kidnapped him or attempting to free himself from savages who are to kill him.

Even if it looks like he is the loser that’s just for short period. All tense even dramatic situations Media Guy turns to happy end.  For the same reason he is fired and he is at the same time awarded as the “Funniest journalist of the Year.”

However, he is almost everything at the same time – talented, brave, capable of doing very risky and sophisticated things, clumsy and very naive.

 

 

Excerpt
Chapter 1

Small, but modern downtown discotheque. Multicolored light show. In the center is dance floor. Around dance floor small tables are located, each with lamp. Some people are sitting, others dancing.

There are no lots of people in discotheque. Atmosphere is very pleasant. Johny, Media Guy steps dance floor, holding microphone tight. Other people leave dance floor surrounding Media Guy; they make circle around him.

Media Guy starts singing and dancing. Although not so professional as David Bowie or Michael Jackson Johny alias Media Guy attracted attention of almost all visitors that hot summer night. At that point discotheque attendants get more cheerful and focused to not so talented singer and dancer.

Media Guy was singing and dancing trying to do something that he is not capable to do. He acts as if he is clown all time he is singing song. Johny makes funny faces, moving knees and whole body left-right, shaking his head, opening his mouth wide, showing nice snow-white teeth. His dancing is extremely dynamic. Other people are much more astonished by his dancing efforts than with his dancing skills. His hips are swinging, eyes rolling. Extraordinary efforts to make dance and singing outstanding make audience believe that lack of talent could be compensated by hard work. That is the cast with Johny.

Song Lyrics:

My mother told me: “You must be Media Guy”
My mother told me: “You must be Media Guy”
In this damned world there is nothing
valuable to try
than to be
Media Guy

My father told me:
“No greater happiness for your mother and me
than to see you on TV”

My father told me:
“No better vision
than to be on television”

Auuhhh…Ohh…Auuhh…Ohh…Auuhhh…Ahh…
Girls hearing I’m employed with TV
No matter, whether blondes, brunettes or reds
promptly saying to me:
Let’s go to beds

Auuhhh…Ohh…Auuhh…Yooppie…Auuhhh…Yooppieee…
Socialism…Capitalism…Altruism…
Germanism…Americanism…
No…For sure, no any ism…
but journalism…

Ohh…Aauuhh…Aauhh…Yeahh…

I am a star
I am Media Guy
Bye, bye, bye

Finishing the song Media Guy stretches out right hand with microphone towards group of his new “fans” in discoteque. He was completely soaked by sweat as if he was running at Olympic Games. He is acting as if he makes interview with camera. Sweat drops were rolling down his face, he was almost flat out.

Media Guy tries to ask typical, boring bullshit question looking at group of his “newborn fans” standing next to him “Mister! Miss! Please, could you tell us something about…?!?” He stopped for a moment continuing “About this stageshow dance show”.

Chapter 26

Doctors decided to hospitalize Media Guy for several days. He was hurt while he was saving life of Suicide person. Media Guy has some big bruises and scratches on his face and arms. He feels pains in his whole body. Don’t matter pains Media Guy has become the hero in the eyes of people.

Media Guy lies in hospital bed. Suicide person with his parents and two sisters approach to Media Guy bed. All his family wants to thank Media Guy for saving life. Family of five makes a line on the right side of his bed. Media Guy is not happy to see them but pretends as if he is leering at them.

Suicide person tapping Media Guy on right shoulder: „There are no words…I can…express gratitude to you…Great man with great heart.” After that he starts weeping.

Media Guy at the point of tapping his shoulder makes painful exclamation: “Ooouchhh! My poor shoulder…”. His face is almost distorted due to grimace.

Suicide person introducing members of his family to Media Guy, pointing at his sisters: “These ladies are my sisters, Hero…My savior”.

Two sisters cheerful in one voice with thin smiles, happy to see hero for the first time in their life: “Yes…Hero…Oh…We must get the autograph from you…Oh, Hero you must give us your autograph.” They act as if they are teenage girls, thrilled to see hero in reality.

Suicide person sharply to his sisters: “Maybe later. Now you have to be patien.” He points at an old man approaching Media Guy hospital bed: “Hmm. Now, this man with gray hair is my father.”

Media Guy doesn’t want visitors to see he is disturbed. All time he shows his teeth making thin smile and nods. He pretends as if he is happy about seeing them.

Father of suicide person makes loud exclamation of happiness seeing Media Guy:
“Oh!!! For the first time in my life I see real Hero! That’s great! I must shake hands with you, Hero.”

Media Guy is frightened due to his painful arms, tries to make father of Suicide person not to shake hands: “Oh, Thank you…No, no, no…. Please, don’t do it.”

Father of suicide person confused: “Why, not? Hero… You deserve it…I have the honor to shake hands with you, my Hero, you save my son.”

Father begins shaking hurt hands of Media Guy, who is not happy about that. Media Guy makes very painful, continuous, heartbreaking exclamation all time of shaking hands.

Media Guy cries: “No, Jesus…Please, help me…How lucky person I am:”
His pale face has painful grimace.

Father of Suicide person finishes shaking hands. Finally, mother of Suicide person does her part of family gratitude ceremony.

Mother of suicide person approach to Media Guy bed. She is very happy to see savior of her son, real hero: “You saved the life of my only son.” No, for sure, there is no way to express gratitude. Yes… In today’s world people like you have been almost disappeared. I’ve made some chicken soup, tomato sauce and cakes for you…Great man…Hero!”

Media Guy happy for absence of shaking hands as expression of gratitude. Soup and cakes are better than shaking hands, he thinks in himself trying to stop her long monologue: “Yes, yes…I see…Well, I am hero. Thank you.”

Mother of suicide person continues in pathetic way, her eyes blinking: “I would like that my daughters marry man like you. Man who is like knight, with great heart and courage.”

Media Guy thinks for himself, I cannot marry two women. Lady, you have two daughters, not one.

Mother of suicide person still speaking: “I’ll hand a small gift to you personally, Hero…It small compensation for such courage.”

She begins searching her bag. After a while she pulls out small dishes. Unfortunately, she drops dishes with chicken soup and tomato sauce spilling it on Media Guy. His face and shoulders are red and yellow he is poured with sticky soup and sauce. Seeing what she has done mother of Suicide person apologizes to Media Guy.

“Oh, I am awfully sorry, Hero…Please forgive me…I’m a bit confused…I’ve never seen Hero alive…Forgive me…Hero, Mother of suicide person says shocked by what she has just done.

Two sisters are holding pen, waiting for autograph. They ask confused Media Guy in one voice: “We need your autograph…We desperately need that autograph…Please. Hero!”


Chapter 52

Ceremony in main auditorium of American Journalists Association Headquarters is about to begin. There is lot of people standing and chatting. Many of them have a glass of cocktail. People are dressed very elegant armed with official smiles so usual at each ceremony. Waiters holding trays with fine cocktails cruise through the crowd. There are oil paintings and some big photographs on the walls, big thick luxurious carpet on the floor and several exotic plants in pots in corners of main auditorium. Nice slow music comes from loudspeakers built-in walls; atmosphere is rather pleasant. Almost all people look cheerful and nonchalant.
Media Guy drinking cocktail stands alone in the corner next to one of the plants.

In main auditorium there is small-improvised stage with coat of arms of American Journalists Association. People invited to attend Ceremony are mostly media stars and CEO-s with their deputies and assistants. There are some other public figures too – painters, writers, actors, movie producers even politicians.

Suddenly, host of ceremony, mid-aged, dark-haired, thin man dressed in black extremely elegant suit, wearing butterfly ribbon appears on the stage with wireless microphone in right hand.


Host of ceremony holds inspired greeting speech: “Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen. I have the honor to open Prize Awarding Ceremony. What is the destiny of this cursed profession. Profession of journalism.”

He continues in ceremonial way: “Journalists are being arrested, expelled from their countries, even killed. Hmm. But they keep on striving for the truth. The whole truth based on undeniable facts. They are alter ego of us ordinary people afraid to make out good from evil, lie from true. They are heroes, that is something we cannot deny. Further, we cannot shut down eyes and mouths when journalists get in troubles.” He makes short break by long deep sigh; at that point thunderstorm applause resounds through main auditorium.

Host of ceremony continues his glorious speech: “The Truth without any residual. Searching for the truth journalists risk their lives. Not only their lives are threatened, but lives of their families too. On the other side politicians, other VIP-s even ordinary people blame journalists and media for causing crisis. Unfortunately, in critical situations journalists are left alone. Nobody wants to help them when it’s critical. Yes, dear guests, they are alone without any support in cases they desperately needing it.” Again thunderstorm applause resounds through the main auditorium.

“I see. Okay. It’s high time to go straight to the point. Let’s go to Prize Awarding. I see that my theory of journalism in brave new world is boring to you. Unfortunately, that’s modern brave world,“ he says.

He speaks some new great words: “Yeah. We begin Prize Awarding Ceremony with Prize for the Funniest Journalist of the Year.” Host of ceremony is again interrupted by loud applause.

“Okay. You approve agenda. I see your faces. Smiling is therapy, medicament. Each short smile save couple of seconds of our life. Smiling is so, so necessary in our gray lives. Just smile in your offices. Your homes. Pubs. Concert halls. Smile wherever you are. That’s not shame neither crime. Five minutes smiling is better for your health than two tranquilizer pills. Believe me. Smile can cure, can make your health better.” Host of ceremony says.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this man is the champion of joy,” he is pointing at Media Guy. He talks to Media Guy: “Please, come to the stage.” Media Guy comes to the stage; standing next to host of Ceremony

Host of ceremony still very inspired speaker: “Ladies and Gentlemen. I am honored to present you The Funniest Journalist of the Year.“

He is pointing at Media Guy: “Yes, this man has been meditating on giant satellite dish while just couple hundred feet from him revolution was in progress. He was cool. Great man. Congratulations.” Again thunderstorm applause resounds through the main auditorium.

Host of ceremony to Media Guy: “I have the honor to award the Prize to you. Small bronze “Laughing Statue” and of course. Cheque.” He is delivering Media Guy statue and cheque in luxurious envelope. They shake hands affectionately.

Media Guy greets auditorium: “Thank you. Thank you very much. I’m not good at speech making. I’m just journalist. Nor politician neither revolutionary. I am just ordinary journalist.” Drops of tears appear in his eyes. He is excited as never so far and happy for real therefore he cannot stand crying.

“Let our works talk instead of us! Cheers dear people! Thank you, thank you very much, dear people.” Media Guy says to present people in auditorium. The loudest applause so far resounds through the main auditorium.

The song “Media Guy”

SONG

My mother told me: “You must be Media Guy”
My mother told me: “You must be Media Guy”

In this damned world there is nothing
valuable to try
than to be
Media Guy

My father told me:
“No greater happiness for your mother and me
than to see you on TV”

My father told me:
“No better vision
than to be on television”

Auuhhh…Ohh…Auuhh…Ohh…Auuhhh…Ahh…
Girls hearing I’m employed with TV
No matter, whether blondes, brunettes or reds
promptly saying to me:
Let’s go to beds

Auuhhh…Ohh…Auuhh…Yooppie…Auuhhh…Yooppieee…
Socialism…Capitalism…Altruism…
Germanism…Americanism…
No…For sure, no any ism…
but journalism…

Ohh…Aauuhh…Aauhh…Yeahh…

I am a star
I am Media Guy
Bye, bye, bye


Sticky Media Guy, who has been poured by soup an sauce seconds ago, is not in good mood. However, he takes pen and small notebook from sisters and deliver his signature to them.




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