Excerpt
Reality floods my mind like a ravenous mudslide consuming and destroying everything within its wake. I am overpowered with feelings of pain, guilt, and remorse. These memories that remove me from a natural and normal state of mind seek release and validation as it pushes me off the ledge of realism.
There is a point in your life in which the opportunity comes when your life is reenacted and it plays like an old rerun. In this moment one has the opportunity to reflect on how it has played out over and over and over again. Until the pain is forgotten and the memories are but smidgeon of dust that can be brushed from the shoulder when satisfaction is reached.
The choices and decisions you had once made become a relevant factor of what path one chooses to follow later in life. It determines how the path that you are walking and the trail you have left behind dictates this present time, and the future.
Since, you have learnt the lesson you have made it over. Now, one has to figure out what test was passed. If you don‟t know what you had to learn or understand what the message was, then it is impossible to move on.
Because these steps that you have already taken in this moment and time becomes your reality and knowledge is not found easily.
The Song of A Nobody Bruised But Not Broken
8
Past memories tend to reflect upon feelings of fear. One either has to learn from the lesson or be haunted by the unforgiveness and guilt from the aftermath until a resolution is met.
Was there ever a moment in which I have regrets of the decisions or the roles that I had to play out? “I think not. Because what I did I did for survival and for the survival of my family –bottom line.”
Everything that I have done in my life had consequences. I understand this. But every aspect of my life had a purpose and a reason for cause. I didn‟t realize this until much later in life.
Sometimes the effort and reasoning was worth the risk and the consequences were just, even though many of the lessons that I learnt were painful. The situation just could not be avoided and I had to make the sacrifice. The choice that I made had to be pursued. The path that I chose had to be walked. What I needed at that time was based on the steps that I had to make. I could not be detoured because completion would have come to a halt and death of the situation would have been imminent.
Sometimes the technique in getting there was cloudy but the method was what was required to achieve success or nothing was, if not for the will of survival.