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Scott E Newton

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Member Since: Mar, 2012

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Featured Book
Eric and the Enchanted Leaf: A Visit with Canis Lupis
by Deborah Frontiera

Winner of the North Texas Book Festival's award for a children's book in 2007. The second in the "Eric" series, this book has Spanish and English text on each page. Relea..  
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The Cuban Family: Custom and Change in an Era of Hardship
by Rosemarie Skaine

This work explores how relationships of blood, marriage, sex, and residence work in each type of Cuban family, particularly as it is affected by Cuba’s struggle to transf..  
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Five Dumb Guys Walk Into a Bar
by Scott E Newton   

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Publisher:  Smashwords Type: 


Copyright:  2011

Five friends, regular fellows going about their lives, are drinking in a bar when they run into a god. This god explains he is here to erase the human species. After they have all shared sufficient beers and vodka, this god decides he will just turn over his powers the five guys, and they can erase the species for him; he'll just hang out in the bar drinking and romancing the barmaid, which is not something he gets to do back home. The five friends, often called the Five Dumb Guys due to their less than clever behavior when out drinking, have now got a problem they had not bargained for when they stopped off for a drink.

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Five Dumb Guys Walk Into a Bar

What would you do if the fate of the world were in your hands? If you were suddenly given responsibility for the certain, and apparently quite thorough, erasure of the human species, how would you respond?

This is exactly the dilemma five friends unexpectedly find themselves facing. While they are often called the five dumb guys, they had better rise above their reputation now.           

The five, ordinary middle age friends, are on their way to their favorite camping spot. They stop for a few drinks at a dive bar in some out-the-way Nevada town, where they strike up a conversation with a local desert rat. This drunk, who goes by the name Alaska John, soon turns out to be far more than he seems. He claims he is a god, and he’s here to erase the human species, given its total failure as a useful contributor to the advancement of life in the universe.

The five friends drink with Alaska John well into the night, and eventually he informs them he would really rather just sit in the bar drinking Budweisers, and hit on the barmaid. He tells them running around erasing cities full of people is just too much work, so he will hand over his powers to them, and the five dumb guys can decide which city to erase next. The catch is, only the location is optional, and if they don’t choose, Alaska will indiscriminately destroy the human race, one city at a time.The tale then unfolds, where cities, along with millions of people, are erased in a puff of steam. As the five dumb guys try to reign in Alaska John, they travel the west, from the Grand Canyon to Big Sur. Along the way they meet fellow travelers and adversaries; witches and Wiccans, Jesus Freaks, the Vatos from deep in Mexico, and a Navajo shaman. They are pursued by the NSA and the FBI. All the while the five friends must make massive moral decisions, while trying to stop the erasure of the human species.

Is it a deal made in the heavens? Can five regular guys save the earth? How long can they distract their apocalyptic pal with Budweisers? Can they destroy the destroyer? Can anyone score with the barmaid? The five guys have a momentous dilemma; do they help Alaska John or try to stop him, and for that matter, how?

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The Life & Times Of An Incorrigible
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G M (jerry) Roberts has lived a life more full and colorful than most people ever will. He has lived a wild and explorative childhood. The stories herein are sometimes tr..  
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