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Ford Forkum

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Alien Invasion of the Zombie Apocalypse
by Ford Forkum   

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Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  Ford Forkum ISBN-10:  B00806SB5W
Pages: 

22

Copyright:  May 2, 2012

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Two end of the world scenarios, An Alien Invasion and a Zombie Apocalypse collide in an absurd satire of Science Fiction and paranormal genres.

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In a satirical combination of two end-of-the-world scenarios, a zombie plague is quickly followed by an alien invasion - in a time when humanity is already struggling with vampires.

Landing dead center at a college campus swarming with zombies, the aliens soon realize that their abduction mission is going to be quite a bit more complicated than they'd imagined. The presence of vampires only makes the situation worse.

Will the human race prevail or be forced to relocate to an alien planet? Is there any way to reverse the zombie plague? Is the plague contagious to aliens and can an alien be turned into a vampire? What if a vampire alien became a zombie, then was bitten by a radioactive spider and then possessed by the ghost of a robot werewolf? That last part doesn't happen in the story, but what if it did?

Find out what becomes of humanity in this mashup of dystopian absurdity.


Excerpt

In the vastness of space, only a small amount of sentient beings wonder whether intelligent life exists on planets other than their own. This is mainly because, in most areas, there’s no one around to wonder about it. However, in a few scattered regions of the Universe, no one wonders about it because they already know the answer.

One such region is a star system known as Keplernicus 8, where intelligent life has flourished on several planets for millions of years. The favorable environments and abundant natural resources of these planets have enabled remarkable cultural progress. Every civilization on every planet maintains peace with itself and with each other. Though every now and then a conflict will arise over something stupid, resolution can usually be achieved without the need to fire weapons and blow things up.

Life in Keplernicus 8 is good, so good in fact, that the biggest threat to most people’s well-being is boredom. One planet in the system has particular difficulty in dealing with it. This planet, named Zyrplex, is the base of the Keplernican militia, whose duty is to preserve peace and safety throughout the system. Since keeping the peace offers no challenge, the Zyrplexians are prone to picking fights with foreign planets for fun. While the rest of Keplernicus 8 condemns this behavior, they respond by looking the other way and reading about it on gossip websites.

The Zyrplexians have what most cultures would consider a strange sense of ethics. In order to prevent bloodshed, they only attack planets of significantly inferior technological development. Their intent is not conquest; they just like to mess with their victims. They might display their firepower by blowing up condemned buildings, or flaunt their superior technology by using tractor beams and transporters to move things around and rearrange them in ridiculous ways. They’ve been known to vandalize mountainsides by engraving silly drawings in them with laser beams. They often conclude their rampages by skywriting a dirty joke at the planet’s expense and leaving with a trail of confetti.

Their most recent escapade occurred during a period of prolonged peace and prosperity in Keplernicus 8. Good fortune smiled relentlessly upon the star system until the Zyrplexians couldn’t take it anymore. Imperial Raxpun, leader of the militia, called an assembly for all military personnel. In a great hall, behind a podium and microphone, he addressed the troops.

“Troops,” he announced, “it has come to my attention that the current wave of prosperity is the longest in recorded history, and shows no signs of abatement in the foreseeable future. As leader of the militia, I will not allow our great ranks to languish in this time of interminable contentment.”

The lights in the hall dimmed.

“Therefore, it’s time,” Raxpun continued as a drumroll began, “to play Invade That Planet!”

A fanfare played as the hall echoed with cheers.

“Let’s find out who we’re going to invade today by spinning the Wacky Wheel-O-Worlds. We’ve picked a name at random to be the spinner, and this time around, the honor goes to…Sergeant Danson Bayerted! Come on down!”

The sergeant excitedly ran to the front of the hall where the giant wheel, labeled with the names of suitable planets, would be spun to determine which of them would be the unfortunate target.

Sergeant Danson spun the Wheel-O-Worlds with so much enthusiasm that he nearly broke it. Raxpun continued his patter as the wheel came to a stop. “And it looks like it’s going to be the planet…Ewboogerick!” The wheel turned backward a click. “No, wait…it’s Earth!”

The crowd of thousands cheered, each of them hoping they would be one of the lucky few to be selected for the trip. There was only one ship capable of traveling that far across space—a billion light years, give or take a million—and there wasn’t enough room for everybody.

At the conclusion of the assembly, Poobar Balubu, Imperial Raxpun’s second-in-command, took him aside to voice his concerns.

“Sir, I believe we should reconsider invading Earth,” Poobar said.

“What? Why?” Raxpun asked.

“Well, it’s just that…Earthlings are so pitifully weak and stupid, and their world is so beset with problems, that I think we should just leave them alone. Invading them would be like a pack of wild rokkomorgs attacking a baby mooblur!”

“Commander,” Raxpun replied, “you’re an outstanding first officer, and you are, effectively, my conscience.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“But there are times when we must tell our conscience to shut up, especially when it interferes with our having a good time.”

“With all due respect, sir, where’s your compassion? Earthlings are practically on the verge of causing their own extinction!”



Professional Reviews

The Supernatural Just Got Ridiculous
An alien invasion force realizes its worst nightmare when supernatural pop culture runs amuck on Earth in Alien Invasion of the Zombie Apocalypse by Ford Forkum; an Amazon and Goodreads average rating of 4.6 stars.

A Little About Alien Invasion of the Zombie Apocalypse - This is a short story loaded with laughs, the perfect break from paranormal...

An alien race with far more sophisticated science and intelligence (debatable) has forever altered the future of Earth with the spin of a wheel and a quick trip across the galaxy. What they find are our most popular paranormal icons running amuck causing mayhem and murder...not what the Zyrplexians had in mind (nice scientific superiority). It's beginning to end laughs in Forkum's short story.

I won't spend a lot of time on the writing; it's not on the level of Pratchett but it is solid and very well edited. The humor manifests in a Pratchett sort of way I suppose, though I felt stirrings of P.J. O'Rourke. Forkum takes three of pop culture's favorite "end of the world" cast members and makes fun of the whole mess in a very P.J. - direct sort of way. If you love the supernatural genre and appreciate satire with a pinch of sarcasm then this is a must-read break between blood-sucking, brain-eating series. If you're like me and refuse to be part of the "mainstream" and constantly poke fun at your friends for buying all the Twilight bling...then you absolutely have to read this just to add more material to your repertoire.

Forkum doesn't break any new ground in sci-fi or the supernatural but that was never the plan. He does craft a very creative, clever story that spares none of his characters a laugh at their expense and pokes a healthy amount of fun at an overwhelming section of our popular culture in entertainment. This one deserves ever bit of those 4.6 stars and I'd love to see more from Ford Forkum...maybe something with Klingons kicking the tar out of the Sith because the Emperor wouldn't let them put a bet on Chewbacca whipping James T. Kirk in a galactic yodeling competition...just thinking out loud.


Absurd and Highly Enjoyable Short Story
Book Info: Genre: Horror/Sci-fi Satire Reading Level: Young Adult and up

Disclosure: I picked up a copy on Amazon when it was free; I also noticed the author was wanting reviews, so I'm happy to provide an honest review

Synopsis: In a satirical combination of two end-of-the-world scenarios, a zombie plague is quickly followed by an alien invasion - in a time when humanity is already struggling with vampires.

Landing dead center at a college campus swarming with zombies, the aliens soon realize that their abduction mission is going to be quite a bit more complicated than they'd imagined. The presence of vampires only makes the situation worse.

Will humanity survive the dystopian absurdity?

My Thoughts: The tone of this book reminds me a great deal of the works of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. This is an extremely silly little tale, but lots of fun to read for those of you who, like me, enjoy the extremely silly.

Mashing together a vampire infestation, zombie uprising, and alien invasion, you'll laugh at the antics of the aliens, roll your eyes at the vampires, and generally wonder WTF this guy was on when he wrote it - but you will definitely enjoy the ride. Recommended if you like to laugh (and who doesn't?).


“Alien Invasion of the Zombie Apocalypse” by Ford Forkum
Aliens who are bored decide to attack a planet and enslave a few hundred people just for kicks choose earth. They arrive to find the planet in the midst of a Zombie Apocalypse and themselves no match for zombies. The lone survivor, Ursa Minor, teams up with students that he finds on the roof of a building and their vapid and affectionate vampire friends to find a way out of the ultimate invasion gone wrong.





Let me tell you something about myself, I am the biggest sort of fangirl for whacky, clever, humor and this story was all about the whacky and clever. In a narrative reminiscent of the best of Douglas Adams, we find the Zyrplexians – Teddy Bear like aliens who are living the perfect dream who decide to play “Invade That Planet!” to alleviate their boredom. The parallels to the US to the Zyrplexian military planet were hard to miss. I kind of expected the author not to be American but he is and I would have laughed with him anyway. One of the funnier passages references their tendency to vandalize mountainsides with silly engravings. Gee….oddly enough, right after reading, I asked my daughter if she had any desire to see Mount Rushmore. LOL

I LOVE that when the Zyrplexians invade they announce that the earthlings “silly questions about intelligent life on other planets with an ironic twist.” Is it just because I watched a Dr. Who marathon over the weekend that I want these characters featured in an episode of that long running show? BBC needs to give Mr. Forkum a call because I think he’s just what the show needs to get back on track after the debacle that is Matt Smith. The ships computer should also be featured. A nice homage to Douglas Adams and such a well done read.

But I disgress….

This story is smart, funny and well written – and FAR too short. I want so much more of these characters and to travel around the stars with them. If you need a story to pose intelligent questions, this one just might. Is it worth sacrificing one race to save another? Forkum pokes fun across genres and I just love it. I hope to review his next work (yet undiscovered) very soon.This story is a must read. Pick it up today!


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