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Tim Connor

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Category: 

Self-Help

Publisher:  Worldwide Press ISBN-10:  1930376006 Type: 
Pages: 

169

Copyright:  Jan 1999
Non-Fiction

In life we constantly make decisions. Every decision has a consequence. Some are short term, some long term, some positive and some negative, but there are always consequences. This book will help you make better choices. It is a fictional story with a self-help theme.

Amazon
Connor Resource Group
Connor Resource Group

Life isnít fair. It isnít unfair either. It just is. You are born. You will one day die. In between Ė life happens. Life will never be perfect. It isnít all bad or all good for anyone. Good and bad are perceptions and judgments. One personís good could be another personís curse and vice versa.

Life is about what is happening now. Who you are becoming now. Memories you are creating now. Plans you are making now. It is not about yesterday or tomorrow. Life is lived one moment at a time. Your destiny is created one moment at a time.

Now there are those who believe that living in the past, fantasizing about the future are worthwhile pursuits. I will not dispute the wisdom of happy memories or setting goals or making plans for the future. I do, however believe that life can change in a heartbeat and all of the time planning and all of the time spent dwelling on the past although therapeutic keeps us out of the joy of our present moments.

Life is a journey of learning, love Ė both giving it and receiving it, sharing and spending time in fulfilling activities, enterprises, work or
Play that contributes to our growth and sense of meaning.

To spend a life dedicated to play, work, leisure or learning although temporarily satisfying our need or desire for rewards, control and pleasure is in and of itself a shallow life existence.

A worthwhile life has balance, harmony, peace, joy and contentment. These can only come from a vigilant desire to create a life of sharing or in some way contributing to our fellow man and his search for happiness and purpose.

People who live and die with little in between spend their days searching for outside-in gratification rather than inside-out development.

Life is not easy. As M. Scott Peck says in his best selling book, The Road Less Traveled, ďLife is difficult.Ē But he goes on to say that life is only difficult for those who expect life to be easy. People who expect life to be difficult do not experience any more or greater difficulties than those who expect life to be easy. They just have a different perspective on these events, circumstances and people.

-Life is not about what we are accumulating but who we are
becoming.
-Life is not about stuff, but people and relationships.
-Life is not about wealth, but prosperity.
-Life is not about power or fame but humility.
-Life is not about problems, goals and achievements but growing.
-Life is not about bigger and better but simplicity.
-Life is not about being a victim but taking charge.

Why is it that some people seem to do more, share more, learn more, earn more, experience more than other people?








Excerpt

No one looks at life its events, conditions or circumstances the same. We see life not as it is but as we are. Each of us has a mental filter through which we interpret other peopleís behavior, events and circumstances. Ten people can look at the same piece of art, auto accident, movie or sunset and see it differently. This gives life is diversity and its relationships their challenges.

One example I use in my seminar on relationships for couples is the idea of faults. Do you know of someone who has faults? Be honest now. Look closely at them for a moment. Arenít another persons faults what that person thinks, feels, believes or does differently than you think they should feel, think, believe or act? The assumption you are making when another person has a fault is that your way of feeling, acting etc. is either better than theirs or right. Now isnít that ridiculous?

There is no right or wrong, only differences. This is one of the biggest issues in personal relationships that causes stress and conflict. The need to change the other person to your way of thinking, because theirs is wrong and yours is right. Acceptance (see Relationship tip No. 24) is one of the biggest hurdles people face in relationships. It is also a major issue when it comes to motivating ourselves on a consistent basis. If we fail to perceive life and its events and people clearly we will tend to fall into a number of de-motivating traps such as, guilt, blame, resentment, anger and any number of other negative emotions or feelings. These negative responses will color your use of talent and how you treat others on a regular basis.

One of the best indicators of someone who is happy, successful and living with their world in a harmonious way is how clearly they are in touch with reality, not theirs but REALITY. Truth is. It is not our interpretation of it and yet so many people believe that their truth should be everyoneís truth.

Where are your perceptions about life, people, events, circumstances, your past, present or future clouded? Where do you need a clearer vision and more accurate perceptual integrity?

If you would only see life as I do.

Why won't the people in our lives see life as we do. Because everyone sees life differently. Everyone looks through their own set of personal narrow filters. As we survey our relationships with employees, customers friends and relatives it becomes apparent that there are degrees of conflict everywhere. Conflict in beliefs. Conflict in actions and conflict due to unrealized expectations.

It has been said that perceptions become reality in the minds of people. Much of the metaphysical writings of the past 2000 years as well as an increasing body of recent medical and scientific research has shed new light on belief patterns and their consequences on behavior. I am not a mystic nor am I a scientist. But I have observed a great deal of human behavior over the past 30 years and I believe that if we are to live with balance, peace and harmony we must look squarely at how we perceive and interpret life and how we act upon what we see.

Each of us brings unique knowledge and experience to every relationship and situation. We are all right in our own mind. Truth for us is what works for us as we move down the highway of life. Truth is no respecter of opinions, fads, arrogance or ignorance. We do not manipulate truth to fit our own sense of values or beliefs. Truth is. Reality is. Whether we choose to see it or not does not deny its existence.

If an employee believes that they are underpaid. If a customer believes they have been treated poorly. If your spouse believes you don't spend adequate time with them. If your child feels you are being too strict. If a student believes your demands are unrealistic. If a stockholder believes you have acted unwisely. All of these are perceptions in their minds. True or false. Right or wrong. It doesn't matter. If they believe it is true for them.

In my early speaking career I hadn't learned yet that everyone doesn't have to agree with me. It was not my role or responsibility to change their mind. I needed to learn that people will believe what they want to believe that is comfortable for them at their current stage of personal development. We are all on a personal development path. Some of us are further down the path than others. This doesn't make me right or them wrong. They own their own perceptions and beliefs.

I would like you to look at some of people or circumstances that contribute to your stress or frustration in life. What is it about them that triggers your anxiety, fear or whatever emotion you feel when you are with them or experience them? Where do your expectations come from? Why do people disappoint you? Why does life reward or punish you?





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Reader Reviews for "The Trade Off"

Reviewed by Sandie Angel 1/23/2005
Hi Tim:

You have made some good points. I'm glad that I had come in to read this. I hope more people will read you so they won't try to judge one another.

Sandie May Angel a.k.a. Sandie Angel :o)


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