Excerpt
An Excerpt: Full Time Job
My full-time job robs me of a life.
I don't have a house, children or even a wife.
I walk the streets constantly mad.
I wake up in the morning overwhelmingly sad.
I don't know how much longer I can take my full-time job.
But the thought of life continuing this way causes me to uncontrollably sob.
My full-time job is not really what you might think.
My full-time job is covering up how much I drink.
I have been this way for quite a long time.
I've eaten from trash cans because I've only had a dime.
Even when I'm tired, dirty and stinking my next drink dominates my thinking.
My life is one big constant lie.
I can barely look anyone in the eye.
I go to great extremes to make myself appear all right.
When the truth of the matter is I'm usually out drinking all night.
Trying to fit in and make everything look okay has become my normal routine day after day.
The fact is I am as normal as snow is red.
Most of the time I cannot remember how I got home and into bed.
I blackout, wake up and I realize I've lost another day.
Then I clean up, go about my business and act like everything is okay.
Sadly, I'm afraid no one is fooled by the shallow smile on my face.
There are times I feel like the loneliest person in the entire human race.
I once was told in order to stop I needed to get on my knees and pray.
Pray to what? Pray to whom?
This spiritual nonsense, not drinking is what probably would cause my doom!
I will manage, I will function and I will be okay.
One of the last things you will ever see me do is get down on my knees and pray.
I am an organized functioning alcoholic which really is not that bad.
I just wish I could get use to always waking up and feeling so sad.