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Experience a new journey that touches the senses of life. This book is an intricately woven story with profound insights into the deeper meaning of the role of responsibility, teamwork, quality in work, relationships, loneliness, love and loss of life.

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Chapter 1
Clay Zerner murmured under his breath, “Here it is the last
week of March. Somehow the drive to work remains consistent;
nothing changes but the start of another day.”
News on the car radio caught his attention. “The President’s
new Energy Plan would begin with gas rationing. What a way to
get people all fired up.”
Being forced to slow down before entering the interstate got
him going, “Now if there was less traffic, the need for gas would
not be an issue.”
Clay entered the highway heading south toward Howtown and
traffic remained congested. “Strange, here it is 1979, a new year,
and it has moved very slowly. Getting closer to spring helps,
maybe. Winter is finally giving in to the power of change.”
Accepting that once April came, his disposition would change
back to a relaxed mode drove him forward. Trying to accept his
aimless drive to work, he popped in one of his many classical cassettes.
Music had the ability of removing him from the daily traffic
chore. Looking around he commented, “Driving this distance is
bad enough, but putting up with many years of road construction
hasn’t helped. This is life, and finding a way to relax must be established.”
Those aesthetically pleasing, harmonious sounds became a requirement,
and it helped him forget if only for a brief moment,
what he had experienced. Accepting most of the daily events as
routine didn’t change his mindset. Pulling into his assigned spot,
reality quickly returned. Lately he never knew how he got here; it
just happened.
Locking his car, he checked that he had his badge. Without
that, entry would become time consuming. Swinging through the
giant glass doors, the guard greeted him, “Good morning, Mr.
Zerner.”
“Hi Joe, how’s everything going?”
“Not too bad.”
Once inside Clay walked the long, lonely hallway that would
lead to his office. As luck would have it, today like most Mondays,
he ran into the Director of Quality, Chealse Emark. Working for a
woman is really something, but like everything lately, I have gotten
used to it.
Coming closer she smiled, “Good morning Clay.”
“Morning, Ms. Emark.”
“When you get a chance, come and see me.”
“Sure, Ms. Emark.”
Checking that he had walked far enough away he murmured,
“Oh well, there goes another week.”
Getting settled in on Monday was easy, even with many new
problems. One reason for this was that most of the conditions
could not get resolved, but the weeks kept on going. Entering his
office, he had to review last weeks’ notes. “Too bad those new
problems come quicker than I can resolve the old ones.”
Having said that, Stan Zieff walked in, he was the Production
Manager for the instrument group. Looking up Clay asked, “Stan,
what’s going on?”
By the way he looked, there was a problem. “All of a sudden
we are having a relay issue. I had to remove many questionable assemblies
off my production line and perform some in process troubleshooting.
Our findings are baffling, because this new lot of
relays is not performing per specifications. Whatever the reason for
these failures, this lot of relays is suspect because it has affected
our test equipment line. Of course we find all this out today, which
is close to our month end, and by the way, the first quarter. For a
change we were about to make our shipments on time; then we are
hit with this! You know we have had a rash of problems lately that
never seem to go away.”
“I hear you. Do you have any information about the failure
mode? Like a part number, date code, anything that will help trace
this lot?”
“Yes, I made a list for you.” Stan passed it over.
“Thanks, Stan. Let me look into it with my Chief Inspector.”
“You know, for the last few weeks we have been getting these
signals that something was up with our test stations. Checking into
the cause, it ended being a relay problem and that took us a lot of
time. With the pace of our production, well, it didn’t help. You
know damn well that tracking these types of failures is never
easy.”
“I understand your frustrations.”
“Your incoming inspection should have caught these parts, especially
if they are out of specification. You know that these delays
hurt our production schedule. On top of all this, everyday we have
had problems related to piece parts. Granted that there are different
sets of conditions, but one fact keeps surfacing and that is impacting
our production.”
“You are right. Let me first check with Shara Rolet regarding
this relay issue.”
Stan left but didn’t appear to be feeling any happier. Clay sat
knowing he must move and get into action, but he couldn’t get
himself motivated. Then the phone calls started and people began
walking in. All had quality related questions that required some
form of resolution.
He began mumbling under his breath, “How strong can any
person be in this environment? I guess I had better get moving.
Stan is right. Not only are our problems increasing, but they never
seemed to get solved.”
Just when he was about to get up, Bray Durek from the material’s
department walked in and sat next to his desk. With his
trademark smile, Clay watched her movements and asked, “What
brings you in so early?”
She showed a certain tenderness in her voice, “Just wanted to
see you.” Bray’s eyes kept jumping with excitement, and a faint
smile could be seen.
Clay ignored her comments. “How was your weekend?”
“I missed you. Why didn’t you give me a call?”
“You know I didn’t even think about it. I got tied up with some
cleaning. Keeping to myself still has value.”
“You know, Clay. I find that strange.” She stopped, looked at
him, and continued, “I understand you are having problems with
life, but I’m trying to help if you would only allow me.”
Clay responded quickly, “You know work isn’t the time or
place to talk about my personal feelings.”
“I understand that you can’t find the time on the weekend or
during the week or even at night after work. So what do you have
time for?” She got up, turned around without saying another word,
and walked out.
Clay sat there wanting to say something but couldn’t. What
would work be like, if Renee . . . Stopping he felt his emotions surfacing,
and his thoughts rang through his spirit, Renee, I need you,
I miss you.
The phone ringing shattered his thoughts as people continued
walking in. They had pressing questions that required some form
of response. Never hearing anyone’s questions, he answered the
phone, “Hello.”
“Clay, this is Shara. Have you heard the latest regarding the relay
problems that are causing production delays?”
“I was on my way down to review the paperwork for the last
few shipments.”
“Do you want all the records?”
“Yes, also include the supplier’s test and inspection record.”
“Clay, you should know that we in (inspection) had questions
on one particular date code. This shipment came in during the last
week before Christmas. In fact, it was the same time you were out.
Chealse accepted them after I informed her that we did not have all
of the proper paperwork for acceptance.”
Clay interrupted, “Did you explain about our written policy
that we have only two options? The first is to make sure that the
PO (Purchase Order) requirements are met, and if that becomes
impossible, then the parts are returned to the supplier.”
“I explained all that to her, but somehow she thought that this
shipment was no different than any other we had accepted. She
said, ‘We haven’t had any problems with them to date. So there is
nothing to worry about, but more important, we have to support
our schedule.’ With that I had no choice, but sign them in.”
“I see what happened. I’m on the way to check the paperwork.
I know how you feel, so please relax. You did your job.”
Hanging up, he knew Shara was upset, being forced to break
company procedures was never easy for her. Steam began building
as he looked around. Everyone was gone. “Now that is different. I
better get moving, but first I want to check in with production.”
What he really needed was his cup of starter fluid, but seeing
Stan heading in his direction, he knew that the relay problem had
to be addressed. But without his coffee, he was lost. Walking into
the cafeteria, Clay observed that people were always there. The
few fringe benefits that the workers enjoyed were having that opportunity
for a break. He had a coffee pot in the office; it was
never used because he wanted the exposure with the people. It
meant more for him to be a part of the work force on the floor than
being a part of management. He wanted to be respected for being a
partner, not just a Quality Manager.
While getting his coffee, there would always be someone in
line wanting to talk with him, “Good morning Clay.”
“How are you doing Mary?”
“Another weekend passed.”
“I know what you mean.”
“Why does the weekend always move so fast?”
Responding with a smile, “Good question, I wish I had the answer.”
With a cup in hand, he sat between groups of workers. He
knew that the working class needed to have direct contact with
him. This was one way to become a part of the solution, not the
problem. There was always small talk regarding the weather, world
affairs, or whatever crossed their minds.
This became a normal part of his routine. Clay felt it was im6
portant for the production people to see him. “Senior management
should be sensitive toward all the people.” They enjoyed his style
and were naturally friendly, and he knew that some of the quality
problems could be prevented, because the workers are a byproduct
of management’s direction.
Finishing his coffee, he strolled through the production area.
The work environment was always clean, with row after row of
well-lit benches. There were many production stations on the way
and Clay would briefly stop to talk with the operators. A variety of
ethnic workers performed their tasks day in, day out. This gave
him an opportunity to ask questions and that helped them get into
the teaming process. He was impressed with most of their attitudes
because they had insight for product improvements. Questions of
new and improved techniques were always open for discussion.
A couple minutes later, he walked toward the inspection area,
which housed receiving and in process inspection. The area was
glass enclosed, and being in the middle of the production floor
helped product flow. Entering the room, Clay always felt peculiar
about the setting because this reminded him of living in a fish bowl
where everyone was always watching.
The work would move through this cubicle and continue according
to a master schedule. Inspection became the key function
of meeting all the production timetables. This room met strict environmental
requirements, like constant monitoring of temperature
and humidity. Limiting entry became essential and, in turn, kept
pressure on his department.
Tracking in process assemblies down to the final product added
strain on the quality organization, and with it comes the responsibilities
of commitment. The company understood this system, but
in some situations, quality became a holding station.
Walking in, Clay saw Shara sitting at her desk, busy with normal
paperwork activity. Closing the door he said, “Morning
Shara.” She looked up with that warm compassionate smile. It
would melt cheese on a cold winter night. She consistently appeared
radiant, and men felt comfortable around her.
Approaching the desk, he sat next to her, “Where were you this
weekend? I tried calling but no one answered.”
“You know I keep busy with my prayer group, especially on
weekends when we have retreats.”
“Yes, I know, but you must get home sometimes?”
“Usually it is late; I get up early Sunday morning and attend
services that last most of the day.”
“I don’t understand why you have a need for all that religious
spirit? How about all those required human activities in life?”
“For me there is one life and that is to serve God. The Bible
states this is our salvation.”
“It looks like you really believe in that. All I wanted to do was
spend time with you.”
“You’re sweet Clay, but my interest in men has been replaced
by the Bible. For me there is no other way. By your looks, I know
you don’t understand, but I have been hurt so many times by relationships.
I’m no longer willing to take any new risks. This has to
be my only direction because it holds true joy. If I were able to
take another chance, believe me, you would be my only choice. I
understand that’s not what you want to hear, but that is the truth.”
Clay sat wondering, How can such a beautiful woman allow
herself to reject men? Sometimes life is so hard to understand.
He never wanted to accept the answer. He knew Shara was a
great woman, and would make someone an outstanding mate. Under
normal circumstances, he could have let it go, but being attracted
to her made it harder to cope with. Her glowing character
and charm were definitely a plus. It was important, especially in
quality environment to have a strong personality that accepts pressure
as part of the position.
These were not normal times for Clay, he tried reaching out for
a companion, and getting turned down not only hurt him, but also
hit his male ego. He felt a little resentful because she would not
budge. One thought kept running through his mind, How could one
person be so strong? Not getting the answer, he was forced to go
back to the work issue, “Do you have the paperwork on those troubled
relays?”
She got up, “I sure do.”
His eyes were glued on her every body movement. I really
don’t understand why she has to be so insistent about not having
any relationship with men. Watching her made time stop as she
walked back with the records in her hand. Shara felt that Clay had
been concentrating on her every movement.
Handing him the records, their eyes met. He reached for the
file, and their eyes never lost contact. “You have such beautiful
brown eyes.”
With the files being transferred, their hands slightly touched; a
spark of electricity exchanged between both bodies. Clay had a
strong desire to hold onto her, but like many times before, this was
out of the question. Thinking, It was always the wrong time and
place.
So he began reviewing the paperwork. Shara went back to her
desk. She felt the pressure from within, but didn’t acknowledge it.
Clay asked, “Did we ever receive any of these certifications on this
questionable lot of relays? I can’t find the vibration and temperature
cycling reports.”
“No, that was what was missing when the parts came in, and
we filled out the Incoming Inspection Report. I locked the parts in
the bonded area and waited for the formal MRB (Material Review
Board). As it turned out, this lot was a hot item for meeting our
planned production requirements.”
Clay started getting excited, “So that’s what you implied about
accepting them into stock without the proper paperwork? Three
months have passed and we still have nothing from the company?”
“That’s right. I tried to take a stand, but Chealse came down
and signed for the parts. She approved the Incoming Inspection
Report, without MRB action.”
Shara got up and walked over to show Clay where the paperwork
was signed. During this process, their bodies came close. He
gradually lost track of his frustration, but that lasted only for a
minute.
“You’re right. There was no follow up, and the MRB paperwork
was never correctly completed. I never realized how shortsighted
we have become. Follow up is still required, and now I see
how much the quality department has fallen apart. It occurred in
such a short time. It has to be my responsibility because overlooking
company policy and procedures resulted in this condition.
Looks like we have to perform an audit on this supplier, but more
important, our own in-house system needs a first-rate review.”
“You can’t blame yourself for the past sins of your boss. If
these relays didn’t cause problems, we never would have keyed in
on this situation.”
“True, up to a point, but what I really have to figure out, why
did our own quality organization fail? How many other areas have
become compromised? We have to perform our own in-house audits.
This will show if we have violated any other procedures. I
would like to take this file with me. Please sign it out or better yet
let me sign the log and I will return them when I’m through.”
“Clay, you are right.” She walked back to her file cabinet and
came back with the logbook. He signed it and continued reading
the paperwork. His head began moving back and forth. He knew
this order was in trouble, but began wondering what else was waiting
in the wings. He was getting ready to ask another question
when Bray Durek walked in.
“Hey Clay, what’s the story on those relays? Why are so many
boards failing? At this rate, how can we ever meet our production
quantity? Do you know that our monthly shipments are also in
jeopardy?”
Bray never allowed anyone to respond, and Clay knew her
style. “I heard all about it and I am in the process of reviewing the
data.”
“You know what? We have had too many problems lately. Inspection
has to be more effective in performing their job.”
Shara heard all she cared to and quickly fired back, “What
makes you think that inspection hasn’t been doing their job?”
“Look girls, this issue will not get resolved by both of you
picking on each other.” Clay had his hands full and wondered if
Bray followed him just to check on what he was up to.
Holding the records in his hands, Clay calmly looked at both
women. “What happened is past. The real issue is why are they
failing? That will require further investigation. So please allow me
to do my job.”
Both stopped and looked at him. Bray turned around and left in
a huff, heading in the direction of her office.
Shara asked, “So what did you think about all this? Does she
really feel like we aren’t doing our job? What makes her superior
about her position? Is she better then me?”
“Now look, I have enough problems today with normal produc10
tion, I don’t need all this friction between you two.”
“I know, but why is she so pushy?”
“Well, I guess it could be her nature. For the most part, she is
skilled in getting results. It becomes hard when the two of you go
head to head like that. I have to finish reading this folder in my office.
It is not clear why the certifications were never sent with the
product. I will call the factory for a follow-up.”
Clay began to leave and asked, “Did you file all the paperwork?”
“Yes, I did.”
“By the way, keep up the good work.”
“Thanks for sticking up for me.”
“Look, we have to be a team and that isn’t always easy.”
Closing the door, he walked back to his office. People were patiently
waiting, including Stan and the CEO’s secretary, Karol. His
desk was piling up with those crazy pink slips. Looking at the
mess, he almost missed seeing the people waiting for him. He
thought. This job doesn’t allow a man much time to think.
Stan interrupted, “Clay, we have found another problem with
components. Why can’t our company get good parts? Maybe our
supplier base has changed. If that is the case we should start finding
new companies. Either way, something has to be done, or we
will never meet our production commitments. The real question is
why is this happening all of a sudden? Purchasing and production
control have their hands full, and I’m not sure they know how to
deal with these increasing quality issues.”
Jumping slightly, “Okay, Stan, I hear you. I will have my secretary
schedule a general meeting say for around 11:00 this morning.”
“That sounds like an excellent idea.” And he walked out.
Karol smiled, “I came to remind you, there is a meeting with
the CEO at ten. He asked me to come down personally and remind
you.”
“All right, do you have any idea what this is about?”
“I know he holds his regular staff meetings at that time; it
could be because we have added pressure in order to make our end
of the month shipments. At least that’s what I have been hearing.”
“You might be right. I will be there and thanks.”
She walked out and the office had emptied at the same time,
this allowed him to scan those messages, “What a day, but why
me?”
The phone rang, breaking his concentration. Picking it up, he
heard, “You have to control your little Chief Inspector.”
“Bray I don’t know what your problem is, but please relax.
Nothing is ever perfect, and Shara had all the proper paperwork in
place. By the way, Chealse released that questionable shipment in
writing. So if you have a problem with anyone, take your complaint
to her. I have tried to answer your questions, so now you
have every right to take this issue up with my boss.”
“I’m sorry Clay, it’s just . . .” It was quiet for about a second,
then she said, “When can I see you?”
“You know, I’m busy on Mondays.”
“I didn’t mean now, after work.”
“Look, I have two meetings going on this morning, and phone
messages to answer. Please allow me to get back to work.”
“You’re avoiding me.”
“I’m having a rough day, and it will not get better if you keep
on pushing.”
“I’m not pushing, it’s just, I am concerned and want to help
you relax.”
“It isn’t working, I have to go. Can we talk about this later?
Okay?”
“You always say that and later never comes.” With that, she
hung up.
He had a tiger on his hands, but some women are more controlling
then others. Again, the phone rang, “Oh let Flair get it this
time. I need another cup of coffee.”
Walking out, Mel, his Quality Engineer, was coming toward
him. “Morning, Mel.”
“I see you didn’t use the word, good.”
“It’s not that things are bad, it’s a typical crazy Monday. These
days are becoming nothing but fire fighting drills. Most of these
problems should have been addressed weeks ago, but there never is
enough time. When the end of the month comes, all hell breaks
loose and that only adds fuel to the fire. On top of that, our first
quarter ends this Friday. It looks like this one is going to be a real
zinger. So what’s up, Mel?”
“Nothing much, I just wanted to know how you are doing.”
“For the most part, not bad; I’m still having a hard time, but I
push myself to keep going.”
Changing the subject, Clay asked, “How’s the family?”
“The kids keep me hopping.”
Both continued talking and walking together. This helped Clay
get his mind off the day, and with it Clay began feeling better.
Both got their coffees and sat to chat about the good old days.
They worked together part-time in the same factory while working
on their degrees.
Mel said, “By the way, why are we really having so many part
problems?”
“Most can be traced to bad decisions made earlier. No company
wants to produce a product that is out of tolerance, but sometimes
you can accept questionable piece parts. Once that happens,
no one wants to accept responsibility, but quality takes the heat.
Fixing the cause is important, but admitting that someone made a
mistake, well that comes harder.”
“We are all human.”
“True, but the pressure from the top and the almighty buck
controls our destiny. That is classic, the longer you allow the system
to work out of control, the greater the variations. With this
comes the risk that we are now experiencing. Every organization
has to face this condition, but more important, fixing it before it
causes production delays.”
“I can see how this system can and will bite you when you
least expect it.”
Clay was making inroads on relaxing, but he could hear the
people talking at the next table. It was about the coal miners’
strike. How defiant they were by vowing not to go back into their
mines until they got what they wanted.
“You know, Mel, people live in a delusion regarding the ethical
issues of working or not. In principle, it becomes a long, intense,
personal situation. It takes time to work out problems. People forget
that part, and it can’t happen overnight.”
“You are right, but lately that idea has spread throughout our
country. Look at the farmers. They have protested in our Capitol of
all places, right in front of the White House with tractors.”
“Mel, do you think we will ever see the day without some kind
of problem?”
“No, I guess not.”
“I have to get moving. For some reason I have been asked to
join the CEO’s staff meeting. My guess it’s regarding our current
month’s production predicament.”
“I hear you are right in the middle again.”
“It’s like this. You are always on the rocky road when it comes
to Quality. Of course, that should never be the case, because everyone
demands it, but only a few want to make the road easy. The
real predicament is not everyone wants to pay the price, yet all
want the free ride that quality can offer.”
“Good Luck.”
“Thanks, I will probably need it.”
Clay got up and walked by a few windows, looking out, “The
day has become crystal clear, and the sun is shining in its total
glory. I guess the last few days of winter are being slowly transformed.
New flowers have started their surge of activities.”
Looking up, “The clear blue sky certainly is a perfect backdrop
for this day. Spring brings out that cycle of life that makes you energetic.”
That feeling had a mellowing effect. “It would be nice to sit
outside and enjoy this transformation process.”
Clay stopped too long because he began thinking about how
much Renee enjoyed working outside. On weekends, they would
labor together. Renee always had an abundant amount of energy
and looked forward to our future.
Realizing that it was getting late, he picked up steam and entered
his office stopping long enough to gather all the material he
thought would come in handy. Looking up, Clay couldn’t believe
who was patiently sitting there waiting for him. “Bray what are
you doing here?”
“I wanted to apologize about before.”
“Look. I have to get myself together for this staff meeting. I
understand your feelings, but I have to get going.”
“You know, I want to . . .”
He got up and quickly closed the door, “Did you hear me? I
don’t have time. You are a fine-looking woman, but I have many
restrictions in my life. You know that the last few months have
been complicated. I don’t even know how I exist.”
“Being independent, I get what I want. Knowing you are good
for me drives that desire. We could be perfect for each other.”
“You are a stubborn woman Bray. I’m sorry, but I have to get
moving.”
Bray turned on her boasting charm, “Clay, can we still get together?
Say after work or even during the noon break?”
This made her hard to resist, but he wasn’t interested nor did he
want to get involved. He thought, “How did I ever get myself into
this? Or more important, how do I get out of it?”
“Look, Bray, when the time is right for us, I will let you know,
but for now, let us cool it.”
Bray looked at Clay with instant fire. She was noticeably upset.
“I know how you feel about your little Chief Inspector, and you
have time for her.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about? I have never gone
out or even met her anyplace except at work.”
“Sure, but you pay a lot of attention to her every move. I can
tell what you are after.”
Surprised, “Well, I’ll be! I have to get going.”
She left in her normal huff as the phone rang. Clay tried ignoring
it, but at the last minute he answered, “This is Clay, yes, I was
just leaving, oh, it has been rescheduled for 1:30 this afternoon.”
Walking back to his desk, “Thanks Bray, if it wasn’t for your
delay, I would have gone for nothing. There is one less meeting
this morning. I wonder why it changed. I guess being a CEO more
pressing matters do come up.”
I might as well make some calls. With that, he almost forgot
that he had to get ready for his 11:00 meeting. Remembering, he
pulled his papers together, and he wanted to make sure to be first.
This set the stage, because Clay expected a heated meeting on this
subject.
The meeting room filled but he waited a few minutes, and then
started, “Purchasing has to evaluate their supplier base and find
new sources as required. A good example is the relay performance
situation we are currently experiencing. Another issue, production
control has to check on their stocking policy.”
Bray asked the obvious question, “Why did this happen to this
one lot of relays?”
“Quality has to follow up and find out what happened to the
paperwork on this questionable shipment. With everything going
on at once, I need all the information your departments might give
regarding other failing components. Here is where factual inputs
are a must.”
Taking a break, but seeing no one, he continued, “Another unpopular
subject, our company procedures have let us down. Because
of that, I’m forced to schedule an in-depth performance
audit. This will cover how we are tracking the cost of quality.”
This naturally raised many eyebrows. People talked, and no
one felt that they had violated any procedures. The first response
was, “Are you saying that the causes of these problems are spread
throughout the plant?”
“Now you understand why being a part of the team is important
and required for our success. We must think of it this way. The
weakest link translates to our best effort.”
That hit home and more buzzing could be heard. By the time
everyone settled down it was noon, but Clay made sure that there
were action items for all.
He went straight outside and jumped into his car. Driving
through the countryside helped him find some measure of peace.
Spring’s new freshness is what my spirit requires. Getting out
helps and that is the key for my sanity these days.
The local park ended up being his resting spot for the last few
months, mainly because it was deserted. Pulling in the far corner,
he pushed his seat back and relaxed. “This is ideal. Peace at last,
maybe my body can still enjoy nature’s best offerings. Life within
the elements is still free.”
Closing his eyes, he accepted that tranquil rest mode which
quickly gained on him. The spirit of peace is what creation is all
about, and this has to be a part of it.
With the movement of his body, realization finally reached
deep into his psyche. After what felt to be a short moment in time,
he looked around dazed. Startled, he quickly sat up, glancing at his
watch, “I guess I have relaxed too long, it’s past one o’clock already.
Strange how life can move quickly, because the last thing I
remember was getting comfortable and here it is time to get back.”
Immediately pushing the car seat forward, he looked around;
there was no one in the park. Only birds and swans covered the
beauty of this grand vista. “I should get moving, it’s good that the
plant is a few minutes from here.”

Chapter 2

Walking through the large front doors, Clay stopped at the
nearest water fountain for a drink of cool water. The battle about
acceptance of his career keeps haunting him. “Work lately has become
a no win situation. I can’t keep hitting the stone wall like
this, because my mind is taking a pounding.”
This emotion distracted him and reduced his concentration,
which was not normal. When he tried relaxing, work conflicts
mixed in and began feeding on his weakened state. What I could
use is a different course. Most of my life all I ever wanted to do
was to be the best in my field and now that has been taken away.
Leaving me with one question, now what? How do I get motivated?
That question of life hit him straight on. He had no clue on how to
handle it.
Most of my work can be considered normal, but for some unknown
reasons I only see things getting complicated. Mixing work
with life is expected, but sometimes life becomes complex. I need to
perk up and feel human; this becomes important especially when
nothing seems to be changing.”
His head kept buzzing with confusion, known as today.
“Maybe that is the problem. I have forced myself to accept all conflicts,
knowing deep inside that this is a part of everyone’s life, and
that includes me.”
What he couldn’t answer, “why now? It has been a part of life
even though in some cases misleading, but it has always been this
way for a long time, so why worry?”
The battle with Chealse didn’t help, and he knew it had no
signs of ending. “Staying mentally tired made fighting ignorance
with logic impossible, and yet it seemed to be possible, because in
real life you create your own destiny. People with power become
one sided, because they always have higher expectations. No way
can that be changed; CEO’s keep the pressure in their court and get
supported from their allies.”
Clay could not approach his boss and request that things had to
change. He knew her response, “Sure, that sounds like a good
idea.” But it never happened, having high standards of performance
was based on one simple concept, “Everyone is responsible
for doing the best job possible, not just getting by.”
That equated to “You cannot live your life in other people’s
shadows, because you will never live up to their expectations. You
can never be a part of their inner feelings, but if you somehow
stumble on that, you become their tool and end up as they are. This
stops your development, because then you can’t grow on your own
merit.”
Clay stopped and thought about his life: “I have to learn to accept
change in my life, even though it is hard, especially seeing I
can’t control my feelings. This prevents growth, and the bottom
line is that you become a part of someone’s past. Which turns out
to be your goal but then you ask yourself, what is my future really
based on? Who is the real me?”
As a final argument, Clay realized that he had taken a longer
break than he wanted. He remembered there was a meeting he had
to attend. Entering his office, it was full of people. All were waiting
for him. Glancing at his desk, those elusive pink slips kept piling
up. He thought, “Why take a break?”
Then he said, “I only stopped in briefly to pick up one of my
folders for the meeting.” Everyone tried to talk at once, but for the
first time, he didn’t or couldn’t allow himself to hear. Collecting
his folder, he turned around, “I will be back in about an hour, and
I’m sure you can wait that long, see you.”
Rushing out, he went to the staff meeting; knowing that he was
late didn’t help. Entering, Lothar Quill the CEO was standing in
front of a huge maple table. Sitting around was the executive brass,
including marketing, finance, manufacturing, and the Director of
Quality.
Being quiet, Clay found an empty chair and sat down. Apparently
he didn’t miss much of the meeting. The opening statement
was all about International Technology Corporation (ITC). “Our
company was founded in the late 1928’s. It was a small instrumentation
company. Now we design and manufacture a variety of
uniquely engineered products. Our equipment has been used for a
vast range of control systems, including the U.S. military, space
development programs, and a variety of commercial industries.
“Since its inception, International Technology has had an established
domestic track record of diversification, which sustained
our growth. Again, through selective business expansions, our position
has become unique. This was based on our emphasis of continued
development by increasing our new product base. Making it
compatible with dynamic engineering and manufacturing expertise
helped, now we are being pushed like many companies into a
higher profitability level. So for us to maintain this lucrative business,
we must not only retain our profit margins, but more important,
our future growth will demand greater capital investments. Of
course, we are talking about the company’s future.
“We are stumbling based on not being able to attain our budget
commitment this year, and that includes the capital equipment.
Should any factor in the forecasted growth stall, a quick review of
direction will be a requirement. In other words, we are experiencing
considerable financial belt buckling. I’m confident that this
group can prevail.”
Stopping briefly, he took a drink of water, then continued,
“One area of no compromise is Quality. In fact, that is the main
reason that we have grown and prospered. Our quality reputation
has reached beyond the competition, which has added pressure on
our management organization. Adding the energy crunch, which is
impacting our country, we as a nation have been forced to reevaluate
all our product requirements. Another concern, the market
keeps shrinking, because competition has been vigorous.
“Most industries are forced into reevaluating their position and
that includes us. The focus on Quality is required; in turn, the ability
to maintain reliability of our products will keep us in the market.”
All understood these objectives, but more important, they had
to accept new responsibilities for moving the company forward.
“I would like each person in this room to prepare a one hour
presentation. The subject is simple, how can your function increase
performance and at the same time reduce cost? How will you effectively
measure the results? Each presentation requires organization
in a manner that will allow you to cover basic manufacturing
costs with quality indicators. Show three key factors: Prevention,
Appraisal, and Failure costs. In other words scrap, rework, and
down time are the keys, because these are cost drivers that come
off the top.”
Clay knew why he was here. This has been his baby from the
start, and now it has to take hold.
“You have to ask the question: How will this direction influence
your department? In the past, you might not have tracked
these costs closely enough, but now it is a must. Projecting the
types of saving that you will target and using graphs will be a starting
idea. These quality costs should have been established
throughout the years. This system must be used for tracking our
process, but remember these results need to be accurately measured
for the results to be accurate. With this, our future will be
solid.
“I have allowed two weeks for each department head to work
out their own program. Remember, schedules for this presentation
will be limited to one hour and the list will be posted next week.
Should you have any personal conflicts, please let me know. I will
be able to make adjustments before the schedule is posted. Please
let me know if you have other priorities. We all have many activities,
so I will not hold you any longer. By the way, feel free to ask
any questions that might not be clearly stated.”
Clay knew the answer, “Why do I have to put up with all this
bull? Because Chealse has not taken control, oh well that is life.
Here I am in the middle again. All these words sounded great, but
maybe this time action will be taken. Up to now there has never
been any real follow through.”
Chealse walked over and sat next to him. Clay knew her scent,
and with that sweet, caring voice, she quietly asked, “How are you
doing, Clay?”
“Not too bad.”
She was in her early fifties, but no one would have guessed that
by her appearance. Not knowing her, strangers would say she was
in her late thirties or maybe early forties. Her face had few wrinkles,
and on top of that, she did have a shapely youthful figure.
Since Chealse joined this organization, she never made any advances
toward anyone. There are rumors about her marriage, but
he never gave that any thought. “No one would be ashamed to be
with her.” He felt the warmth of her body snuggling close to his.
Not wanting to become distracted, he ignored it.
“If you need help with your presentation, let me know? The
budget figures are hard to get, but I have them.”
“I might have to take you up on that.”
Not realizing it, they ended up being alone in the large conference
room. Taking advantage of that, she pushed slightly closer
and continued talking in her soft voice, “I’m sorry that you are still
having a hard time accepting the loss of your wife. You must have
really loved her. If there is anything I can do for you, let me
know?”
Smiling she looked into his eyes at the same time placing her
warm hand on his. Chealse’s eyes had that delightful warmth about
them. Clay knew that only a caring person could ever offer such
compassion. Clay was a little surprised with her forward action and
that threw him off balance.
This sudden attention confused him, and he thought, One thing
for sure, it feels good to have her body close. A new level of excitement
began running through his mind, which had been dormant
for the last few months. He knew when two people are physically
close and in love, loss is hard to accept.
Finally responding, “I never realized until today that you are a
warm and caring person. You know I have been keeping records of
the quality metrics, which includes most of the production history.
I do have some real data, but should I need help, I will ask.”
Clay admired her blue eyes, with that curious excitement flickering
inside. “You know age doesn’t really matter, when you care
about someone.”
Quickly coming back, “That’s what I have heard.”
It was time to leave as their bodies briefly touched and both
momentarily stopped, neither wanted to move. That moment lasted
longer than either realized. She asked, “You know we can work
out our quality program over dinner and relax? Our presentation
should be one of unity and not conflict with each other; we have to
show the way.”
“I know. Let me think about it.”
They walked out of the conference room together. Clay began
feeling a little strange about what had happened. Maybe he had
feelings toward her and that thought began to scare him. Deep inside
he knew, That should never happen.
Chealse didn’t say another word as she headed for her office.
Clay stopped in the cafeteria on the way. What he needed was a
cool drink. There he met some of the production workers; they
wanted to know if the rumors about the company being in trouble
were true. “What’s going on, Clay? Is our company having a hard
time? The gossip keeps spreading like wild fire that there is a major
problem.”
Getting into the middle of this was normal, “The gist of the
meeting was our company has to become more efficient. We have
to work closer and find ways to save time without sacrificing quality.
This takes team work from everyone in the organization, and I
am confident that this company will out live most of us.”
With his response, the questions ceased. He finished his drink
on the go, because he never got a chance to sit. Walking back to
the office, he realized that he never used his folder; it remained
tucked under his arm like glue the entire time. Inside his office he
thought, This is unusual. No one’s waiting for me. He sat and
sorted through those pink slips and began making his calls. In between,
he reviewed the files on the relay situation. The phone rang,
breaking his concentration. “This is Clay.”
It was Chealse. “I’m free after work tonight. If you like, we
could get together for dinner?” Before he could answer, she con23
tinued, “Sid is still out of town and will be gone for at least another
week. I know how important marriage is to you. Sid and I talked
about having some friends over after work. He had no problem
with that. In fact, he said, it would be a good idea to socialize. So if
you wouldn’t mind, we could use my house?”
He thought for a moment, “I’m not really in the mood to eat. I
could come over after supper, but first I need to unwind.”
“That sounds good. Do you know where I live?”
“Yes, in Seaport on 152 Elm Street in that old red colonial.”
“That’s right. Clay, how did you know that?”
“I have driven through that area many times. Those old houses
have always been fascinating. Besides, I have seen your car parked
outside during the weekends.”
“These quality people sure are observant. See you sometime after
seven.”
Hanging up, Clay watched Bray steaming around the corner.
She walked right in, “How was your meeting?”
“Not bad.”
“What happened to that relay problem?”
“Well . . . That meeting will be continued.”
She calmed down turning on her charm, “So what are you doing
tonight? Maybe you would like to come over for supper?”
“No thank you, I don’t have much of an appetite. My objective
is to relax because I need to start on that new assignment. Did you
know each department must submit a way of increasing their performance
and at the same time reduce the cost of quality?”
“Yes, I have been gathering facts for my boss. So why don’t
we work on them together?”
Clay began getting this uneasy feeling about her constantly
pushing. “Maybe some other time, I have plans tonight.”
“I’m sure you do!” She swiftly walked out without another
word.
Clay thought, What will make her stop pushing so hard?
The day ended and leaving the plant was no longer a joy, but
once outside he felt revived when the rush of warmth attacked his
body and mind. The sun is bright, not like summer, but spring is
here and being outside feels great. Walking slowly to his car, he
tried to forget what both ends of his life have become, but he
couldn’t. For some reason this mental block will not leave me
alone.
Getting into his car, he drove endlessly without direction, and
he ended on the coast of Seaport. This community is picturesque,
more like a postcard that can be seen in a drugstore, or department
store. The shoreline has this rustic appearance and creates a
true feeling of ambiance that drives life. Clay was attracted to the
ocean because it offered the peace and tranquility that helped him
accept life.
Parking near the beach, he got out and walked the soft sandy
surface. With the cool water and ocean breezes, the area was void
of people. That made it ideal for enjoying the surroundings; It feels
great to be in this tranquil area, sharing life with sea gulls and
other flying birds. No matter what time of the day, they are always
searching for food.
Slowly moving near the water’s edge, he remained deep in
thought, What direction do I head for, or what have I become? One
thing for sure I have to be optimistic, because today is here and it
cannot be changed. The only option I have is to feel good about being
alive and healthy. So what is my true bearing? A good question,
but what is the answer, more important, how will I find it? No
one came forward with any response, only the sounds of the ocean
and nature.
A new course is required, and my impediment is how to make it
happen. Having the ability to concentrate on one goal has never
worked for me. Accepting this single lifestyle has become frustrating.
Living was never simple, but what I have learned, it can never
be like it once was.
Clay recognized that pressure from change comes with the evolution
of life, and accepting this feeling helped. Understanding the
living process became his struggle, “What will my future be like
tomorrow when I can’t accept it today? There are many views
about living in sorrow and losing the one you love, but until you
come face to face with death, there is nothing written that can help
you through that part. Understanding these views can only be obtained
through the experience. This is never the preferred method,
but you might not have options based on the requirements for your
survival, and that’s the principal to life.”
Emotions reached out and held onto him, “I walked the beach
and left my foot prints in the sand. Then the waves rush in and they
are no longer. I continue walking on the sand that has been walked
before, but no sign can ever be seen.”
For some reason he stopped, “I now know nothing is more important
in life than living today. This brief moment of calmness
and tranquility has helped to restore my ability to handle this transformation.”
Clay looked at the blue sky that began turning dark
gray. A slight breeze bounced off his body as the sun gave into nature’s
paradise.
“I see the sun trying to break through those dark clouds. There
is something similar in accepting what I’m today.”
He sat on a dune, absorbing the few fleeting moments of sunshine.
Turning his attention to the oncoming ocean waves, “The
beating rhythm of water hitting the sandy beach produces its own
harmony of life. I have walked this beach, but left no sign. I see no
sign that I have walked here before, but this is my life. Once I left
my footprints on the sand of time, but now I know that they are no
longer mine. Only I know where I have walked and where I have
been, what I have seen and how I now feel.
“Regardless of what life produces, the tides have washed them
clean. So why do I keep on walking, when I don’t leave any symbols?
These are nature’s greatest forces that I am required to keep.
At the same time my feelings are kept in one place that is what is
in my heart. Yet this feeling can’t be cleansed, regardless of how
long we are apart.
“Now I have moved and sit on these rocks and again leave no
sign, but that doesn’t mean that you weren’t mine. There is one
thing left to do, and that is to wait out the tide without you. The
water can be heard beating against the rocks; in fact, sometimes it
is louder then my beating heart. Yet it doesn’t do much good, because
we are apart, but never in my heart.
“The waves continue their relentless beat with or without you.
That’s one thing I cannot change, because that is who I am, how I
feel, but more important, I love you, Renee. Time will pass, and
the rocks will stay. Other people will sit and stare at the same
ocean out there. My love for you will never pass. It is as solid as
the rocks of the past.
“Fate has taken you away, and living without you has made acceptance
cruel. Now I hear no sound, only my heart is beating
loud. I’m alone with the sea, the breeze, and the birds and that
can’t be all bad, because I’m learning what it is to be free. I have
accepted it for others, but never for me. Yet somehow I have to
keep this inspired feeling that life is still worth living.”
The sky became darker at a faster rate, and with that, the clouds
produced a quick spring shower. Resting, he felt that splashing
sound of water hitting his body. It never fazed him and before he
could move, it stopped. That lasting excursion of the sun’s energy
tried in vain to break through that barrier, “One final burst of
power has been created, but I can’t feel the heat. Maybe this is
only a blast coming from my past, or could it be the future?”
Within a few seconds, his body was dry, and he was not sure
how late it was, but the sun began setting quickly. Again he decided
to walk the beach, always looking for tomorrow, “I know it’s
out there, but I don’t want to face what is already today.”
With dusk turning into darkness, he realized that it must be after
seven. Bowing his head, he could be seen rushing back to the
car. Feeling depressed, “Time passes quickly and that must be because
there is no one here to share it with me.”
Regrouping, “I have to strike out into a new direction. Time
will become the final judge, especially on my life. Being emotionally
moved does not matter, knowing that I am tired, does. Even
with that, I still cannot overcome the past. So the pain becomes
stronger, because you are no longer. How do you teach yourself to
forget the only person you ever loved? Not finding the answer, you
move on. Accepting a new life cycle is what existence is all about.
Will it be the best that can be? Only time has the answer.”
Most of his feelings remained blue because he didn’t know
how to handle his profound misfortune. Then he asked himself a
simple question, “If progressing through life is real, then how can
this be? A lot of time will pass before any person can really learn
about himself or herself. And once you know, it’s time to move on.
Then the question is, will it be in a continuous forward direction?
Nothing can spark a new course of life unless you become the
driver.”
Those were the thoughts that kept ringing in his head, fearing
what he once had would never return, “So where do I go from
here? Whatever is in the cards has to be real. Too bad there is no
clear path but maybe that is the key. Changing direction has to be
better than staying stuck in this one mode. When new ideas come,
what will life really have to offer? The trick is stay busy and concentrate
on my career and that might give me peace.”
Handling many related tasks allowed him to move forward,
even if it was only one day at a time. Each day became intense, but
it always turned out to be his only companion. “What else is there
to do?”
Realizing that it was late, he started his car and quickly drove
toward Elm Street. Looking around, “Some place, I have to take a
right turn. I think it’s just before the turnpike entrance. Chealse
doesn’t live too far from here.”
From a historic view, Elm Street was a rustic neighborhood.
An aura of curiosity always surrounded these homes because they
were from the past. Darkness made it hard to see, but with a full
moon, Clay was guided through the area. He felt a new level of excitement
pulling in front of the old Queen Anne home, “This architectural
era has to date back to the early eighteen hundred.”
Sitting, he knew it was 152 Elm Street, “If it wasn’t for the
moon shining, the view would be different. The glow bounced off
the red bricks and with the dark gray slate roof added a new form
of magic. The dim lights on the porch increased that illusion of
greatness.”
Waiting in the shadows, “This could have been a castle left behind
by some royal family.” The dim hue reached out to grab him
as he sat there on the street. He was motivated to move into that
web of darkness. Clay gradually entered deeper into the giant waiting
shadows. This mystery captivated him, and for the first time in
many months, his feet felt alive as he climbed one darkened step at
a time.
Once on the porch, the perception of becoming lost within the
past increased. Straining to see the massive windowpanes, all he
could recognize were those shining silver beads uniting each
frame, “This glass work unifies this classic work of art. Boy, what
patience it must have taken to produce this setting. It is rare and
non replaceable at today’s standards.”
Standing in the grand entrance made him wonder, “Is it really
proper to enter?” The porch decor had old detailed woodcarvings
surrounding its edifice, but those heavy shadows made the features
difficult to see. “During its day, this building must have been a
beauty to create. It is charming under this moon glow and dim
light.”
Approaching the door, he was about to knock when it slowly
opened. Chealse stood there motioning him inside, “I’m sorry for
being late. I kept walking the beach, and time ran away from me.”
“Walking by the water is relaxing, I know the feeling.”
“This area is something; you must feel comfortable living
here.”
“Yes, it’s a little of paradise.”
“Chealse looked sensual and somewhat elusive in her body image.
She had that charming flare about her that showed a lot of
self-confidence.” They walked into the living room. Her hair was
down, and its length rested on her bare shoulders. She was a superb
dresser, and it matched her inner personality.
During all his working years, Clay had only seen her adorned
in business attire. “Her evening dress was light colored and loosely
fitting, it shadowed every part of her figure. While moving with
that certain fluid motion, her body had a certain mystery about it,
and at the same time, it showed her graceful beauty. Nothing like
what I have seen at work nor could I have imagined that she had
such a stunning figure.”
Clay was left with the common thought, How intriguing
women can be. Sitting, he lost himself within her eyes. She sat
across from him, and her legs were crossed, but for some reason he
saw more then he would have normally seen. He was being distracted
very successfully, and she knew it.
“Would you like something to eat or drink, maybe a small glass
of white wine?”
“Wine sounds good.”
“I will get cheese and chips. I’ll be back.”
She moved in a way that Clay couldn’t or didn’t want to keep
his eyes off her. Once she disappeared, he began looking around
the spacious room. Getting up, he began walking around and was
fascinated with the many different features of the room. For some
reason this setting affected his senses, as he stopped near the
hearth. Even the fireplace is elegant; these ceramic tiles are another
art form. I have never seen ceramic used to cover a fireplace.
Looking closer at the hand carved molding he noted, These
look like real grape vines running from floor to ceiling and around
the room. Fascinating, this pattern reminds me of what I have seen
in literature in the Roman Empire where it was considered forbidden
fruit. It’s amazing; it is almost like a palace.
Chealse had returned and stood behind him. He sensed the
aroma of life, and it wasn’t only her perfume. She broke his concentration,
“Interesting home you have here; the heritage must be
captivating?”
“Yes, it has been in the family for years. Upkeep and heating
costs are higher than expected, especially with these increasing energy
costs. We have lived here for the past twenty years, and with
the exception of a couple guest areas, we have been forced to close
down most of the upper rooms.”
“I can tell this is an expensive building to maintain. Yet every
room has that spacious feeling of comfort. Never could I have anticipated
how unique the inside could be. On top of that, I can see
efforts were made to keep it in its original decor. I don’t think that
this type of craftsmanship is being produced today and that’s what
adds the warmth and charm.”
“I see you appreciate the finer part of the past.”
“Yes.” Both walked back toward the couch. Clay reached for a
glass and took cheese off the tray, “These glasses are light, must be
pure crystal?”
“You do know your wineglass.”
Chealse sat next to him. He could feel her warm body generating
a spark of excitement, “Relax Clay; take off your shoes, while I
get my paperwork.”
“Sounds too comfortable for working.”
She ignored him and walked over to her grand oak desk. From
one of the file drawers she pulled out a manila folder. Returning,
he watched her graceful actions. She stepped in front of him and
placed the folder on the low coffee table. Clay couldn’t help notice
her movements until their eyes met. This action seemed to last forever.
Chealse’s eyes were dancing with excitement, and with it,
those noticeable body expressions were hard to resist. Naturally
Clay left her face and glanced down her spirited figure. Those two
hard silhouettes truly reflected through her dress.
What bothered him; I can’t get my mind off those two firm
stunning breasts. They appeared to be perfectly shaped.
When she bent down to offer him more cheese, they moved
ever so gently. Her pure white skin was held in, but not those projections.
They are alive and real. His eyes reluctantly moved away,
but he then noticed that her uncrossed legs began slowly exposing
another view.
“Her dress was mysteriously moving ever so slightly higher.”
This happened so quickly that he began feeling uncomfortable, becoming
embarrassed after he caught himself staring at her in such a
wanting way. I better settle down.
Chealse caught him as he turned red. She only smiled. “Picking
up her folder, she crossed those two fine wanting legs, sitting up
straight so her nipples began sticking out even farther. They had
the appearances of getting rigid.”
She broke the silence, “We should start on our outline?”
He could only glance at her, but he did sneak another look into
her eyes. “They are still dancing with that fire of excitement.”
Finally, he said, “You are a beautiful woman and . . .” He
stopped asking himself, What am I doing? Clay had to figure a
way out of all this without losing his career. But he was forced to
continue, “You know I shouldn’t have come; I’m highly uncomfortable;
it’s getting late.”
Chealse pushed some papers in his direction, “It’s all right. We
can be friends. Remember when you are in my house, it is not considered
the same person as at work.” Her hand reached across the
small table and rested on his hand.
“This compassion is inviting.” He didn’t object; in fact, it felt
good. Looking at the papers, “I really can’t make out your notes.
You must have been in a hurry?”
“Why don’t you sit here next to me on the couch, and we can
review them together?”
She held his hand as Clay reluctantly got up and moved next to
her. Gracefully she moved her body closer, enough so one of her
breasts gently touched his arm. This was all in the process of
showing him her outline. “Would you like some more wine?”
“Yes!” It came automatically, then he caught himself, “I better
not, it will make it harder to concentrate on our work.”
“A little more wouldn’t hurt.”
She moved, and he could see more of her than before. The light
shined through her dress, and with that, he was able to make out
her elegant figure. This view left little to the imagination, and with
that, he started feeling a buildup of excitement. For the first time in
months, those old desires are being rekindled. Now the question, is
that good or bad?
She came back with a pitcher and poured the clear sparkling
fluid. Gently placing her hand on his shoulder, “Why don’t we
move closer to the fireplace? Those dying embers are still giving
off some energy and warmth.”
As Chealse waited patiently, Clay responded by getting up and
bending down to pick up his folder. They walked toward what
looked like a love seat. There was no room left for the paperwork
so he placed the folder on his lap. This didn’t work out because the
folder continued slipping between them.
Trying to retrieve the folder, he couldn’t avoid touching her
thigh. It felt warm and soft, What a woman! He gently caressed her
body; it felt inviting and the pleasure mode became real.
With a surprised move, Chealse gently took his hand and
placed it under her dress. Touching that pure pink skin made him
lose control, and he slowly maneuvered his hand in a back and
forth motion. His mind began to wonder, What is the rest of her
body like? She moved closer to him and increased pressure on his
body to the point of feeling her throbbing nibble. It was hard, firm,
and yet soft.
She moved in on him until she could not get closer. Her hand
fell gently on his leg. Clay with all his power resisted any other
movement. “It wasn’t easy as he watched her other hand begin
loosening a couple of the top buttons on her dress. It revealed those
two, perfectly rounded heaving shapes that looked ever so graceful
and desirable.”
Clay knew he should have stopped, but he really didn’t want
to. So he continued to caress her thighs and slowly his hand moved
up inside her dress, until he reached one of her breasts. Both were
loosely waiting. No bra, this surprised him. It felt like heaven as he
lost a little more control.
His excitement became noticeable, and Chealse gently moved
her hand on his now throbbing body. That was all it took for Clay
to react. Few words needed to be spoken, as she started to slowly
work on removing his pants. Both automatically stood, allowing
their hands to work like two magic wands.
Having shed their clothes willingly, both naturally embraced.
With gentle kisses, passions build up gracefully. They enjoyed
their bodies in a plain, natural, wanting way. Each began to feel
different desires, and with that, little had to be said. Nature became
automatic as they slowly sank to the floor in a full embrace.
Normal exploration between them developed. Then the unexpected
happened, Clay couldn’t continue with that natural process.
He rolled on his side. Chealse asked, “Clay is there something
wrong?”
“No, yes, you are perfect, and I have strong male instincts, but it
isn’t right for me to have these desires for your companionship. . .”
Stopping, he continued softly, “You are a married woman, and
I can’t take advantage of those virtues. I just can’t.”
Slowly, he sat up, resting his head on his hands. A tear started
flowing down his cheek and then another, “I can’t.”
Chealse sat next to him, “I’m sorry for allowing myself to
tempt you like this. I have never been unfaithful to my husband.
It’s due . . . You have been sad and lonely ever since your wife
died. Having watched you suffer I was willing to fill the needs you
might require. Plus I heard that you haven’t gone out with any
women since that event. This must be hard on you. Here I tried to
give you an opportunity to become human, and I guess it was selfish
in a way but . . .”
Standing, Clay slowly finished getting dressed. Rubbing his
eyes, “All I can say is thanks. I don’t mean to be ungrateful, but
I’m not ready. Again, you are an attractive woman, and your husband
must be proud of you.”
“He is a great man, Clay, and he reminds me a lot of you when
he was younger.” She became ashamed and started pulling on her
own clothes, quickly covering most of her exposed body. “Clay, I
have never come onto men like I have with you, but . . .”
Clay broke in as he walked over to the love seat and picked up
the folder, “I know, you felt sorry for me.” Placing his papers on
the table, he continued, “You know it could have been a great evening,
and I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I wasn’t prepared for this.
Maybe I could have been, if you weren’t married, but I guess it has
to end this way.”
“I understand and admire your will power. It reflects your personal
integrity. We didn’t accomplish all we wanted, but it was a
start.”
Clay slowly bent over, gave her cheek a delicate kiss, and
whispered, “Thanks, it made me feel human.”
“I’m sorry that I allowed it to happen. Can you forgive and
forget?”
Making a sly remark, “It was one interesting meeting, and we
covered a lot of ground. I suggest that you make better notes or
your next presentation will also be weak.”
She looking at him, “Now I know why people are fond of you,
you are first-rate manager.” Clay walked to the front door and
didn’t look back. Pulling the huge front door shut, he walked outside.
It was cold and dark, and the day was officially over.
Slowly driving home, he knew it was later than he had thought,
but he didn’t have to worry. No one was waiting up for him. Finally,
hunger formed a common bond, and his mind and body
agreed.
Approaching his two-car garage, he pressed the automatic door
opener. A glowing spotlight cleared a path for him to enter. Pressing
the button again, he watched the door close with an empty
thud. “Life existed once and in a split second it is gone.” Walking
into the kitchen, he pulled a TV dinner out of his freezer. Popping
it into the stove, he sat and waited, “What a rough day.”
The emotional part of his life went beyond the expected. He
wondered, When will this loneliness ever end? Moving away from
that subject, he thought, This mild, pleasant weather was a good
sign. In fact it was the first warm spell this year. The reality of life
brought him back to his growing dilemma: “I can’t go forward
without looking back, not because of me, but because of you. I sit
and wait, wait and sit, but nothing can be transformed into what I
really feel or want, the game of life has become a part of the past,
but what will the future bring?
“What I value has not been real, and what is real, I no longer
value. The seasons come and the seasons pass; with it, we get old,
but we remain young at heart. Since that day we parted, I am nothing
without your love. I can’t live by myself, but I have to live with
myself. We had a future, and now there is nothing. How can that
be? How do I want it to be? I love you! I miss you! I want you!
Yet you are gone, where we will all go someday. There was never
the time, when you were mine.”
Clay sat there waiting for a sign. As the tears began to roll
freely, I’m nothing without you. Maybe in another time, in another
place, you will again be mine.