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Hannah M

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Member Since: Oct, 2006

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The Pebbles On the Path I Walk
by Hannah M   

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Category: 

Poetry

Type: 


Non-Fiction

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Shakespearean sonnets





Fears Above

Oh, how your eyes do haunt and torment me.
Oh, how your voice stings, call and lures me in.
I can’t stand living without you with me.
And now I fight a war, a storm within.
We’ve never even met; yet I feel I know you.
I see your face, and it captures my breath.
But I will never have you, no matter what I do.
I feel so helpless; yes, love is my death.
And separated by twenty-four years,
Yet is it enough to separate our love?
My love. Our never meeting: cause of these tears.
We’ll never meet; you’ll never love me – fears above.
But is sorrow too empty, gloriously deep?
Still I attempt to climb this mountain steep.


Never Cry

The tense blue flame captured in your eyes,
It speaks of where you’ve been, what you’ve seen.
Truth speaks; in your eyes there are no lies.
In your eyes are ice and fire, as one seen.
Your voice is tense and coarse, yet comforting.
It’s harsh, yet loving, somewhat handsomely.
And your words may not be a song I sing,
But they are the air I breathe, life to me.
Your face is beauty carved, true love defined.
Melting, burning, loving smile; capture me.
I am now yours: my heart, my soul, my mind.
Oh, face of love, how deep you torment me.
Anguish yet, for as much as my mind is set,
Our love cannot live, for we’ve never met.


A Light Never Shown

Your voice, it haunts me both day and night.
I know my longing is impossible,
But just seeing you makes my heart go light.
But I know I’m being implausible.
Lost amidst the darkened void, is my dream,
A dream of you and me and nothing more.
But my romantic wish is lost in steam,
Like sun over the horizon on the shore.
It’s the differences I despise,
Facts: age, one-sided love, never having met.
Oh, you haunt me with your facts and eyes.
I cannot escape, and my mind is set.
Yes, I am a dreamer, lost in dream alone,
But better my dream than a light unshown.


The Poem Referred to as the Question Poem

Can beauty be captured but in your face?
Can song be heard anywhere else than your voice?
Can anything comfort more than your embrace?
Between life and you, could there be a choice?
Can life be found away and far from thee?
Does the fragrance of rose compare to yours?
Bound by love for thee, will I ever be free?
Have other eyes ever been such lovely open doors?
Has love ever been as real as mine for you?
And has there ever been a stronger feeling?
Do the dying need water like I need you?
And am I but a dreamer, left reeling?
These answers are simple; last forever.
Yes the answers are nay, no and never.


Burn

Although I run and search, I find no peace.
When you stole my heart, you left me unwhole.
You leave me, but my heart never release.
I became a scarecrow, tied to a pole.
I hung in my dirty clothes, yet so still.
I caught myself after drifting asleep.
Watched the fire climb over the hill.
Looked around and found nothing to keep.
I let it all burn, and I could not run.
I just think you should know how you hurt me.
And I’ve been hanging in this burning sun.
Burn away all that I kept close to me.
And once again I cried myself to sleep.
Found love for you a jump not worth the leap.


When Love Attacks (a follow-up of “Burn”)

You hurt me without even knowing me.
I’d concluded love’s jump not worth the leap.
But it wasn’t my choice; love’s no mercy
And forced me to jump from this mountain steep.
I have heard love described as oh-so-sweet,
But I’ve found there to be none more ruthless.
I never asked to be swept off my feet.
But, with love your accomplice, do no less.
You steal my heart, and make me enjoy it.
Love’s not something you ask to come to you.
It attacks you without even a hit.
Love and you cause me pain so deep and true.
This is a poem to the man who hurt me
Without a single touch or word to me.


Mush

Both large and small, I’ve had crushes before,
And I know the feeling still all too well.
But I know that this is something much more,
For this feeling’s deeper than my words tell.
Simply times a crush by infinity.
My love the never-ending product is.
Overtaken, it’s really a pity,
How helpless my heart is captured by his.
And a crush is nothing, for love is all.
Love is the pinnacle of all feeling.
Yeah, a crush is nothing, nothing at all.
Love flies me higher, straight through the ceiling.
But still I would prefer a hopeful crush,
Than hopeless love that turns my heart to mush.


Addictive

Can’t be described in book or magazine,
Because you can’t say it in words at all.
It’s much more addictive than nicotine.
And it’s caused greater men than you to fall.
Worse than any drug, it renders me helpless,
And I’m totally addicted to it.
I don’t know how I got stuck in this mess.
I didn’t ask for it, but I need it.
Of all drugs, why’d this one have to get me?
Desperation, search for a salvation.
That man sold it to me for quite a fee.
Ammunition, wait for detonation.
Fierce like a lion, yet gentle like a dove,
The most addictive drug I’ve found is love.


Define “Out-of-My-League”

Your soul is of such a much higher class,
And every one says, “out-of-your-league”.
But to deny I love you’s a lie vass.
And I ask who defines out of my league,
And who are they to define my true love?
For this is love, love undeniable,
And who decided that he is above?
But to let him go I am unable.
Who are they to say I cannot have him?
And I will not be denied this one thing.
Between love and death I balance the rim.
I won’t let you decide; who made you king?
But I see it in his air, stance and eyes.
He is above; I will drop all my lies.


Far From Sight

I write this poem from the depths of my soul.
I’ve been up all night thinking about you.
Part of me’s gone; without you I’m unwhole.
I just can’t live, breath or think without you,
And I’m tormented now, at four AM.
Funny, I’ve never felt more like a rose.
Every rose has a thorn on its stem.
You are mine, and as you stab me I pose.
I pretend everything is all right,
And tomorrow I’ll act like it’s all fine.
I’ll hide my soul’s raging fight far from sight.
Yeah, tomorrow I’ll hide every sign.
But inside me a battle is unwon,
And this unfinished fight’s just begun.


Beautiful Dream

I sing a song of nothing but freedom.
Write more than a verse of no one but you.
I write of how my love for you's awesome,
But those who understand seem yet so few.
I run a race I have already lost.
I fight a war already defeated.
I pay a price surely not worth the cost.
I listen to song, again repeated.
My song of freedom is only my dream.
For with chains of love my soul is now bound.
I sit here and dream by this gentle stream,
But when I wake up my love can't be found.
Forever separate, always apart,
Doesn't know me, yet he breaks my heart.


I Dare You to Capture it with Words

I feel the passion, but I lack the words.
Can feelings be captured by the word love?
Can one capture them like one captures birds?
But my feelings are an uncaptured dove.
I've found no words to capture this feeling.
This feeling's my disease, and I've yet found,
There is no antidote as a heeling.
Feeling binds me, but is not itself bound.
And I find this feeling quite ironic.
It's never captured, but it captures me.
This oxymoron somehow pull off harmonic.
And I'm lead to wonder if I'll be free.
Passion too deep to fully unbury
Gives me burden to forever carry.


A Poem of Beauty

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven’s sky?
I’ve found you to be true beauty defined.
You are the horizon; cut earth from sky.
There is truly no other in my mind.
And, Beauty, there is none more beautiful.
But for Beauty, there’s no competition;
For compared to Beauty, all else are dull.
Beauty, in your eyes lie such compassion.
Beauty, you capture me like none other.
And, Beauty, you’re more royal than a king.
Beauty, you must be heaven’s true brother.
And this is my cry: Beauty or nothing.
And wonderful Beauty has captured me,
But weep that I’ll never capture Beauty.


All I Have

Your eyes are like ice, but they still melt me.
Your voice is rough, but it still comforts me.
You seem bound, but you make me feel so free.
You have a dark edge, but you’re light in me.
I’ve seen so much death, but you give me life.
I have been so empty, but you fill me.
And you heal me, though you’re a cutting knife.
I’m awake, but I dream of you and me.
These contradictions are nothing but true.
You enchant and capture me like no one can.
I live alone off a picture of you.
I’m one of many, your devoted fan.
But all though there has been no love more true,
All I have’s this lonely picture of you.


And I’ll Be Back for More, Though I’m Not Sure Why

I know to not have you I’d rather die,
But what is it that draws me back to you?
I must be addicted to you, but why?
It hurts me so much to never have you,
But I just keep on coming back for more.
I act surprised when I get hurt again.
Will I ever move on? I’m not quite sure.
I’ll learn my lesson or be hurt again.
What has got me so obsessed over you?
You are amazing, but I’ve seen better.
You’re so flawed, but can I relate to you?
Horrible illness – pray I’ll get better.
Made a long list of why I can’t have you,
But longer it gets the more I need you.


A Million Reasons I Simply Can’t Love You

First of all, you’re not even a Christian,
And that by itself should drive me away.
And you’re much more flawed than I’ve ever been.
You’re a “hopeless romantic”, as you say.
Not sure you’re even my type of handsome:
With your dopey ears and receding hair
And lacking lips that don't inspire poem.
You walking by doesn’t cause girls to stare,
‘less they recognize you, which reminds me:
You are a star, which doesn't attract me.
You live half way around the world from me.
You tried drugs. You smoke, drink and you’re 40!
The list goes on of why I can’t like you,
But the longer it gets the more I do.


Love’s Not a Blindfold – Just a Funny Mirror

Your dopey, flat ears are so dumb looking,
But, for some reason, I dream of my voice
Being the only sound they are hearing,
And in my dream the sound makes you rejoice.
And when people look at your lacking lips,
They simply can’t help but make fun of them.
So why is it when I look at your lips,
All I can think about is kissing them?
And your receding hair…I’ve seen better.
Why don’t I long to run my hands through theirs?
Your nose looks like it’s been broken, for sure –
And no doubt in one of those stupid dares.
Love has got me blind, but I can still see,
Just, somehow, it doesn’t matter to me.


Temporary Phase

I just realized something the other day.
They all think this is just another phase,
And they think tomorrow I'll be okay.
Think I'm just lost in a temporary haze.
Remember last time and the time before?
They think this is another one of those,
And they don't think this is anything more.
Just another phase, everyone knows,
And if it's a phase, then it won't last long.
I'll pass it by, and forget the whole thing.
They seem to think a phase can feel this strong.
They think I can drop it without a sting.
But I can tell this is something much more.
For into this “phase”, everything I pour.


Take a Look

You can blame it on what you have been through.
You can blame it all on your religions,
And you can blame it on what you’re in to.
And you can blame it all on politicians,
Or you can blame it on your genetics.
Yeah, go ahead and blame your mom and dad,
And you can blame it on the heretics.
You can blame it on the teachers you’ve had.
Blame the president; most things are his fault.
We blame, and no one offers correction.
We race, and come screeching to a halt.
We point a finger in any direction.
And we search for anyone at all to blame,
But let’s just look at who’s making the claim.


Pain?

How could you possibly call this freedom?
How could you actually call this pain?
I’ll be candid; how could you be so numb?
And your being like this makes me insane.
I have seen you push until you’re shoving.
And I’ve seen you bend until you’re broken.
But it’s only yourself that you’re deluding
When you ignore all the words I’ve spoken.
Is it New Year, or just another night?
When the sun sets, is there another day?
Is this new fear, or just another fright?
If you’re like this I have nothing to say.
Let me tell you, you’ve never tasted pain.
It’s not even funny when you’re so inane.


The Meaning of True Pain

You say they’re just words, and they can’t hurt you,
But you don’t know the meaning of true pain.
And you simply don’t even have a clue.
To not think words hurt, you must be insane.
You want to see my battle wounds and scars?
They run deeper than the depths of my soul.
You think it’s sticks and stones that cause these mars?
They’ll tear your heart out, and leave you unwhole.
It’s words that attempt to wake you now.
Words have power within and still intact.
One day you’ll find out how much; this I vow.
No, that’s not a threat; it’s simply the fact.
Words are life over death, sword under pen.
Someday you’ll get it; I warn you again.


Stealth (Version I)

Your face is stoic, but your eyes are not.
Your eyes draw pain from the depth of your soul.
They show the scars from battles you've fought,
And after all these years, they've taken tole.
But if your eyes didn't betray your pain,
I would never see the wounds you don’t show.
For you pretend you’re fine, and peace you feign.
You hide it, and hope that no one will know,
But those eyes draw from the well of yourself.
And they don’t draw water, rather the scars,
And no one’ll know if you perfect your stealth.
But that’s what you want: to forget the mars,
But I want you to know, you're not alone.
I too feel pain that cuts deeper than bone.

Stealth (Version II)

Your face is stoic, but your eyes are not.
Your eyes draw pain from the depth of your soul.
They show the scars from battles you've fought,
And after all these years, they've taken tole.
But if your eyes didn't betray your pain,
Of it and about it I would not know,
But I know your tears have run like the rain.
And you have never felt a lower low.
But you've perfected stealth, and hide it well.
You try to get up and forget the hurt,
But all you remember is when you fell.
And when you watched your dreams turn into dirt
But I want you to know, you're not alone.
I too feel pain that cuts deeper than bone.


Not Again

They call it love, but look into their eyes.
It's one-sided, but they won't admit it.
Just watching this happen, I so despise.
I throw a fit, 'cause I just don't get it.
I watch another heart waiting to break,
And now I watch him throw his dreams away.
Too caught up to see the mistake they make.
Forget tomorrow; they're caught in today.
Not willing to see he doesn't love her,
She's too busy trying to live her dream.
For now they're caught up in wonderful blur,
But when things cool down, there's only the steam.
And I've seen a thousand times where you've been;
Stick on this road, and there's no way to win.


My Cry

I ask You hear my cry, my helpless cry.
I ask You see me and not right through me.
I don’t wish to bore you and make You sigh.
I know You’ve heard a thousand times this plea.
I give You my life and pray you use it.
This is my heart’s desire, to be like You.
Have me, and take me, not just a little bit.
I give You my all to be worked through.
I am the clay; I ask Thee to mold me,
Your hands and feet; I’ll go where You send me.
And this is my cry, Dear Lord, be near me.
Jehovah, be pleased with me and by me.
And, even now Lord, I know You hear me.
You heard my cry; I know You are near me.


My Walk

I see what I am and what I should be.
Separate, at lest a galaxy apart.
If what I should be is light I see,
Then I am the dark, yes truly apart.
I know my fire should be a flame raging,
And my stream should be a flowing ocean.
And I am a flame, but hardly raging.
Yes, I am a stream, but not the ocean.
I see through what I tell myself, like glass.
Yes, true I am better than him or her,
But bound by where I should be, I am glass.
I am not where I should be; I am sure,
But I move forward, past my mistakes.
Regret and looking back only makes more aches.


Nothing to Something

Being nothing, I ask You to take me.
I am no one; I ask You to make me.
Please, God, mold me into beauty, smoothly.
Make me like You; that’s all I want to be.
And if there is a song worth singing now,
It is surely about You and for You.
Amazing love; I don’t understand how.
Trade all I was for all I have in You?
No strings attached; is that what You gave?
You gave it all for me; are You sure now?
You sent Your only son for me, to save.
You’re worthy; before You alone I bow.
Alone, despite my tries, I was nothing,
But You gave it all and made me something.


Traffic Lights

Here I sit looking at the traffic lights.
And after all my allies desert me,
The red extinguishes the hope green ignites.
I float by, hoping nothing will hurt me.
When my best defense is running from you,
Maybe we need to stop and examine.
I confess, I’m more than just a little blue,
And this lack of life looks like a famine.
I tear down every stop sign I find,
And I find there’s now nothing to stop me.
A steady thousand thoughts race though my mind.
I don’t stop; intersections don’t slow me.
Put it into reverse; sins watch me leave.
You forgave me, in my heart I believe.


Dying Inside

I walk through the dessert; hide from the sun.
And occasional water cools my thirst.
It’s not that I want to ruin your fun;
I just want you to know, you’re not the first
To not want to live while dying inside.
Apathy now whispers and makes me think,
Why are our souls still so unsatisfied?
We drift, and into unconsciousness sink.
We breathe so softly; don’t feel too content.
I save your memo for a later date.
Am I just another whose time’s fast spent?
Ask now, what does it take to be called great?
Better than life, Your voice now heals inside.
More than alive, my soul is satisfied.

*This poem is basically a portion of Skillet’s song, Your Love (Keeps Me Alive), rewritten.


Words That Mean Nothing

I want my words to portray so much more.
My feelings without words are so immense.
I write to express myself, an open door,
But, as much as I write, I just sound dense.
I wish I had words to say what I feel.
Emotions title wave me; lose sight of land.
Love, anger, hate, passion and wounds that don’t heal
How do I express what I don’t understand?
Oh, questions fill my head, yet again and again,
And now these questions strand me here helpless.
I know answers come, just wish I knew when.
I’m lost in webbed, emotional mess,
But better emotion I can’t express,
Than none I can explain with openness.


Invisible Key (aka Silent Scream/ Imaginary Stage)

My thoughts are more than words and less than voice.
They scream to be unchained, let out and free,
But whether to let them out is not the choice.
How can I let this passion out of me?
I hear them scream and cry to let them out,
But I search for the words to describe them.
These words tell all I am, without a doubt,
Worth more than a treasured and priceless gem.
I try to let them out in song and poem.
I attempt to say and express them now.
I try so hard to let them freely roam,
But surely and truly, I don’t know how.
And poem now attempts to unlock their cage.
I succeed from this imaginary stage.


Tied to a Rock

These same words again are so redundant.
Maybe I’m obsessed or just hopeless.
It’s just that these thoughts are so abundant.
I really am an emotional mess.
I write what I fell strongest and know best;
I don’t want to bore you with these same words.
I watch another sun set to the west.
Another day ends; I soar with the birds
On a wonderful high of emotion.
I write what I know and hope you relate.
My thoughts move my pen with such devotion,
Now, as I make myself an open gate.
Just want you to know it’s not writer’s block,
It’s just a one-track mind tied to a rock.


Translation? (Does Anyone Speak This Language?)

If I could express in words how I feel
My life wouldn’t be so complicated.
If I could say something and just be real
I would not be the person I’ve hated.
Truly who I am hates who I have been.
I try to translate these thoughts into words,
But my thoughts are a language rare spoken.
My thoughts fly away like an uncaged bird.
And I can almost touch his flapping wings,
But, just out of reach from my helpless hand,
He leaves me with only the song he sings.
Seems to fly forever and never land.
Horrible, wonderful, beautiful bird,
He refuses to be captured by word.


Feeble Attempt

Surely you are sick of my one-track mind,
As I play again this broken record,
As all other thoughts are left far behind,
And I strum again the same guitar cord.
Monotonously, I put you to sleep,
But I’m not writing for your enjoyment.
So just burn the ones you don’t want to keep.
That’s something I promise not to resent.
If there are any left you have not burned,
Hide them so no one can see inside me.
I don’t need them to know what you have learned.
I’m not writing so that they can see me.
I am writing so that I can see me –
Just my feeble attempt to set me free.


Thought Process?

My head is full of nothing but static.
I can’t separate one thought from the next.
My thought process is just so erratic.
I try to organize these thoughts in text.
I can’t seem to tune my station in clearly.
I try to keep them from going astray.
Why do I hold these thoughts so dearly?
Can’t even make out what they try to say.
They swarm me and make me unable to breath.
Why do I attract these untamed thoughts?
I don’t understand them; they make me seethe.
And with my thoughts I play connect-the-dots.
But when these thoughts refuse to connect,
There’s no wonder why these thoughts I reject.


Simple Fate

They say a made up mind’s a battle won.
Well, I made up my mind several times,
But in the end, when it’s all said and done,
Despite the battles I’ve won all these times,
I’m wining battles for separate sides.
I made my mind up, but can’t keep it straight,
And I’m sick of these roller coaster rides.
And maybe it’s just simple fate,
To ride in circles this lonely mind’s road.
And today my mind turns like the ocean.
But I somehow run with this heavy load,
And tomorrow I’ll show no emotion.
Yeah, that’s how it goes when your mind’s unstraight,
And I really do hate this simple fate.


Sleepless Night

Poetic words are all that fills my head,
And I’ll tell you just how I make them come.
Simply lie down, and try to go to bed.
And to think sleep will come, I must be numb.
I lay here, unsettled and wide-awake.
It’s almost five, and I’ve still not yet slept.
Tried all the tricks: think of a peaceful lake,
Counted sheep, but still awake I’ve been kept.
All the thoughts in the world I’ve thought about.
Nothing and everything keeps me up.
If you think, there’s a lot to think about.
I catch them, but they overflow my cup.
I pray this is the last poem I write,
And I sleep away the rest of this night.


Cold

The thing I hate most, from my thought exclude.
Won’t my problems go away when ignored?
And I just can’t stand being in this mood.
And into you, everything I poured.
It’s not betrayal, if not by a friend,
And it’s not torment, if not by only you.
I thought we were together to the end.
Never more wrong, I never had a clue,
And I can’t take the pain, even one more time.
I lock my door, and throw away the key.
There’s never been a steeper mountain climb
Than rebuilding this broken trust in me.
Someday I’ll unlock my cold, hardened door,
Ready to stop hiding, ready for more.


Easier Said Than Done

Thoughts of anger, rage and revenge fill me.
A foggy, red mist clouds my vision here.
A thousand angry bees rage inside me.
I can’t concentrate; my mind is unclear.
I’ve heard the first betrayal hurts the worst.
I know it’s true; I’ve never felt like this.
If I’m in this state much longer I’ll burst.
Forgive and forget; how do I dismiss?
You want me to wave my hand and forget?
This fire burns and consumes me, rage within.
I try to let go; I can’t cope with it.
I play this game, but is the goal to win?
Surely time, wisdom and age tell me now,
“Let it go; let go,” but I don’t know how.


Without You

What do I think of you, honest and true?
You don’t understand the life of a teen.
It’s different today; I’m not like you.
No one understands the pain I’ve seen.
You don’t know me, and no one really does.
I can tell by what you say and ask me,
But there’s times you see me like no one does.
You know me and actually get me.
You share my mind like you’ve been through all this.
You know what to say, and you share my pain.
A coincidence I cannot dismiss.
Have you been here, and from you can I gain?
That’s what I think of you, honest and true.
Know this, Mom, that I can’t live without you.


The Most Pathetic Me

When I snap, I’m not really mad at you.
Life’s rough on me; please, you must understand.
I don’t mean to hurt you, but I still do.
I try to grasp life that slips by like sand.
And angry when this futile effort ends,
I let it all out at the smallest squeeze.
And now I am left here to make amends.
I should crawl back on my hands and knee
Seeing the damage I caused by myself.
And I’m so angry for all the things I said.
I finally say to you, not just myself,
What I wrote a thousand times in my head.
All excuses aside, please know it’s true,
When all’s said and done, I really love you.

*To the best bro I could EVER have: Eli. I love you and never mean to hurt you.


Know This

Please, Mom, know, I hate it when I hurt you.
How do I say this and make it ring true?
Please, Mom, know that I will always love you.
Always and forever, know that I do.
I really never mean to shut you out.
It just seems like when I open my mouth,
I never like the words that escape out,
And from the bottom I only go south.
I want you to know the words I don’t say.
I try to express what you mean to me.
And you are my sun’s very brightest ray.
You seem to know how it feels to be me.
Dear Mom, I could never live without you.
You are my perfect mom, honest and true.


Nothing

Beauty is found and crushed to the ground.
A rose is broken, and there is no peace.
Somewhere far off, I hear a trumpet sound.
Death’s hand reaches out and does not release.
And I’ve watched more battles fought than won
And can only wonder if the light will win.
Lost for now, I watch another setting sun.
Am I but another drop in the ocean?
Is life lost forever; will I yet stand?
Tomorrow’s horizon surely brings hope.
Has anyone had a short glimpse of land?
Beautiful sun, let down your rope.
But, all in all, the truth I have yet found
Is that nothing, nothing, nothing is sound.


Bittersweet

Poetic words express my lost battle,
Pathetic wounds that I have caused myself.
Pick myself up; my horse I resaddle.
Knowledge, wisdom: never a greater wealth,
Oh what I would give for some then and now.
Yes, I’ve been a fool in theory and truth.
Won’t make the same mistakes: my solid vow.
It was all my fault, but the point is mooth.
Other’s deep wounds hurt me more than my own.
And now I attempt to explain our pain,
But it’s deeper than words and wounds have shown.
Wounds cut through bone and are washed by rain.
Rain soothes the pain and trys to keep me sane,
And from this bittersweet I know I’ll gain.


Unreal and Broken (Edit my Part)

I have this wound that refuses to heal,
And I watch life through a cracked window.
Broken, I’m not sure witch of me is real.
I watched yesterday happen below.
It wasn’t real; it wasn’t me living in it.
Replay this life I’ve watched in my head.
I can’t help but wonder could I change it,
If I’d made a different choice instead?
One more tear, or a drop of morning dew?
The same scene replain of the fatal wound.
Stare down forever with an aching view.
Edit this scene until it’s fine-tuned.
Now I go though life pretending I’m fine,
And I edit the part that they call mine.


Before I Fall

Need someone to catch me before I fall.
Need someone to save me before I die.
To wake me up, slam me against the wall.
'Cause I don't want to watch life pass me by.
I just want to get mugged at knife point,
And get cut enough to wake me up.
I want to stop wondering what's the point.
Confusion leave, and leave me right-side-up.
I'm just so sick of living life lukewarm.
Want to wake up on a Monday red-hot.
You should know that I don't mean to alarm.
Just want to let you know what I've now got.
'Cause I can't hold it in any longer.
Want you to know I'm now living stronger.


And Another Night the Same

After these 24 long, cold, hard nights,
I stand where my life-dreams were shattered.
Everyone know, I'm sick of the fights.
Broken into pieces and shattered,
And I'm so sick of being beat down.
I've lived in and been to many places,
But I'll always remember this small town.
I try to ignore the gaping spaces,
The holes in my life where my dreams once were.
And now nothing but empty space hangs there.
And this moment passes by in a blur.
These rare eyes that stare have been stript down bare,
But surely sun'll shine, and sky'll blue.
Though times are hard, I know I'll make it through.


Right Though Me

I don’t know how these words passed though me.
They were shot right at me but didn’t stop.
They went right by but never touched me.
An experience that you cannot top.
Not so fortunate on the second pass,
The words then hit me with twice their great force.
Words have no compassion and are so crass.
Knocked the breath right out of me – made me horse.
I couldn’t breathe; I couldn’t believe it.
I knew I could not take this pain again.
Not my best friend, that’s too big of a hit.
And still all I could think is “not again,”
But the joy felt when she was alright
Felt better than a baby bird’s first flight.


Maybe I'll Bail Before I Fail

Sometimes I just wanna wake myself up,
So tired of going through life like this.
But sometimes I never want to wake up.
I wanna lay here forever like this,
'Cause I'm just too scared that I'll fail again.
I don't think it's worth my try to fail.
Don't want it to be like it's always been.
So, before I fail again, I'll just bail.
And I've never been a quitter before,
But this pain's just too much for me to bare.
I've been hurt right down to my very core.
And now I feel too much to just not care,
But deep down I know I can only live
If I wake up and give all I can give.


Poem Without Words

Song without words; only one worth singing.
Game without rules; only one worth playing.
Checker with one side; the one worth kinging.
Guitar without strings; the one worth playing.
War that can't be won; the one worth fighting.
Book without words; only one worth reading.
Poem without words; only one worth writing.
Soul without mouth; still the one worth feeding.
I play this game without a single rule,
And I dance to music without a beat.
And I jump into a waterless pool.
I write these last words, and I take a seat.
This is a poem you have never heard,
And I have written it without a word.


Seen and Heard

I sing a song that can never be heard,
Because I sing this song without a voice.
I write a book in invisible word,
Although the color ink was not my choice.
And I walk around in a bright red shirt,
But still no one ever really sees me.
I cry out for help from the pain and hurt,
But still no one ever really hears me.
And my begging, pleading eyes are ignored.
I wish just once I could be heard or seen.
My fingers strum, but play a silent cord.
But my voice can be heard if the ear's keen.
I'd give anything to be seen and heard;
Instead I shout without a single word.


My Escape

I bolt through the door, holding in my tears.
They ask me what's wrong. I lie that I'm fine.
Unable to look, I avoid the mirrors.
And alone tonight on tears I will dine.
I hop in the shower and turn it on
The hottest that I can possibly stand.
Hot tears steam 'til ev'ry one of them's gone.
I guess right now it's myself I can't stand.
Hop into bed and blast the stereo,
And when food fails too, I try my TV.
Escape my life with my favorite show.
Used up ev'ry trick to escape from me,
But in the end I have found that it's true:
You can never truly escape from you.


Exactly What I Wanted (I Always Have Been a Fool)

They say you just have to want it enough.
I guess it's true, and I sure wanted this.
The road and the journey have both been rough,
But here lies the final product of this.
I always wanted to be where I am,
And I guess I always have been a fool.
I always wanted to be who I am,
And I always thought that teens were so cool.
I'm exactly who and what I wanted.
Don't know why pain's always attracted me.
The pain Mr. Mysterious flaunted
Somehow told me what I wanted to be.
But now, I confess, I have no clue
Why I ever wanted to be like you.


He Sold and I Bought

I had trusted him with everything,
And young and a fool, I gave him my all.
And in my eyes he was a perfect king.
Guess he was setting me up for the fall
When he told me what I wanted to hear.
He sold, and I bought, one hundred percent.
It's just that he always seemed so sincere.
My vision bent, thought he was heaven sent.
Knew he was perfect, sure he was the one.
Know that I loved him- of that I'm still sure.
He was so real, so deep and so much fun.
The time with him all passed by in a blur.
Never knew anyone could change that much
And never knew I could be hurt this much.


Fool Without the Rep

Throw me in the air just to watch me fall.
Remember your words and can't help but cry.
When needed- pretend you don't hear my call.
I could never believe that you would lie.
Throw down rope; drop it as I reach the top.
Give me your hand that then pushes me down.
I guess I made a mess and lost the mop.
I'll get as far as I can from this town.
Right now I murder myself breath by breath,
And now I destroy my self step by step,
But it's okay 'cause I'm ready for death.
I must just be a fool without the rep.
He hurt me in a way I can't explain,
But in the end I blame me for this pain.


The Things I Never Knew

I never knew that I could soar that high.
Never had a clue I could feel so good,
But once I did, I knew I'd never die,
'Cause on invincibility I stood.
Shocked that it took a guy to get me there,
But once he had, I knew we were perfect.
I knew with him I'd never shed a tear,
And I knew with him I'd never get ticked.
From the top of the world what could go wrong?
Never knew anyone could change so much.
Never had a clue I could be that wrong
And never knew I could be hurt this much,
And I never knew I could fall this low,
And I'm still not sure I'll survive the blow.


The Force "Down"

He was amazing. I gave him my all.
I seriously gave him ev'rything.
I climbed and never expected to fall.
He seemed kind, honest, fun, and he could sing.
I flew, and he soared, and he led me high.
I was young and a fool and bought right in.
Guess vision was blocked by clouds in the sky.
I's blind or a fool to think I could win.
I knew him, and he'd never let me go,
And I never thought to keep up my guard.
There I soared, not half prepared for the blow,
And then it happened, and it hit me hard.
He didn't just drop me; he knocked me down,
And nothing's stronger than the force "down".


One-Time Opportunity

Don't you have at least one time in your life?
Doesn't ev'ryone have at least one?
If you could change a decision from life
You wouldn't have to think about which one,
And you would give anything for this chance.
One-time opportunity time machine.
You'd give up your current life for this chance.
Life would be perfect. You know what I mean?
Maybe not, but I know that I have one,
One big mistake I wish I'd never made.
Didn't even see it 'til it was done,
And it's amazing, the price that I paid.
The biggest mistake I made was a guy.
Wish I'd have said “bye” the day he said “hi”.


If Only I'd Said Goodbye

He said “hello”, and that's how it started.
I'd change my response if I could go back.
I'd say “goodbye”, and we would've parted,
But I was a fool and said “hello” back,
And eventually I fell in love.
He said he loved me too; I fell for it,
And innocently, I became a glove,
But that was fine– I was a perfect fit,
And on his hand, I'd do what he wanted.
He brought his hand high but had the end planned.
Ev'rywhere he went, the glove he flaunted
'Til he crushed the glove, not hurting the hand.
I know I was young, but that's no excuse.
I could've prevented my own abuse.


A Cage, a Key and a Vow

When I tried to soar, I simply got crushed,
And face on the floor, for me, it's too much.
After being hurt, to my cell I rushed.
Slowly picked up keys, afraid of their touch.
Nothing was dif'rent, but now I's aware.
Any and ev'rything could hurt me now.
So, careful and cautious of e'vry hair,
I locked my door and made myself a vow:
To never be taken advantage of,
To never be a fool and blindly trust
And to never again act like a glove,
Form to hand and do what it says I must.
Don't know how else to protect myself now;
So I'll stay locked up 'til I find out how.


When Everything Hurts

When ev'rything hurts and nothing feels good
Am I s'posed to believe I'll be alright?
'Cause it sure seems they all think that I should,
And if I was stronger, maybe I might,
But my whole world crashed, and nobody cares.
Ev'rything fell, and they think I'll be fine.
I at least need some time to make repairs.
Who knows? Maybe with time I will be fine.
I simply gave up trying not to cry.
Just another tissue in the basket,
And all of this over one stupid guy
And a girl who wishes they'd never met.
She'd do anything to turn back the clock,
But times lock won't open from pleading knock.


It’s Safe to Say

Yesterday you stared into her dead eyes
And asked yourself, “Where did all the life go?”
She’s shed her tears, but she no longer cries,
And to her there are no friends, only foe.
And looking at her stoic poker face,
You can conclude there’s no fun in this game,
And now, under life’s sleeve, he hides an ace.
Watch him crush her, and wonder why you came.
She’s found life to be a horrible game.
It’s luck, chance and maybe a little skill.
Kind of ironic- the name of the game:
“Life”- it’s taken life from her- leaves her still.
Now that you’ve watched another go in flame,
You safely say there’s no fun in this game.


Deeper

Look a little deeper when you look in her eyes.
Through this window, see the pain, and touch all the scares.
Where did all this come from? You’re taken by surprise.
You can barely see the pain she hides behind bars.
Although she’s still so young, she has been through so much.
Feels all this hurt but she doesn’t understand it.
To fix a soul like this it takes a special touch.
She needs some help ‘cause right now she doesn’t get it.
She grew up fast when she was forced to fight this fight.
She has learned so young just how cruel this world can be.
Fought with all her might- rewarded by life’s cruel bite.
Now she doesn’t trust you, and she doesn’t trust me.
Doesn’t trust herself to stand on her own two feet.
So, before her knees give out, she’ll just take a seat.


The Truest Words I know Are…

Why are the truest words so hard to say?
I dial your number but then hand up.
I knock on your door, but I walk away.
The words are there but get stuck coming up.
Why are these words stuck inside of my mouth?
Why do they have such trouble coming out?
Why are these words so bent on staying south?
Why are they so stuck on that same old route?
And tell me, what exactly must I do
To say the truest words I’ve ever said?
A million times I’ve tried to tell you
Words that seem to be stuck inside my head,
But for now the truest thing seems to be
That I’ll never get these words out of me.


Bullet From a Gun

What did I do wrong? Is my blood too red?
Tell me, is my heart simply too broken?
And, tell me, are these eyes just way too dead?
And can nothing change the words I’ve spoken?
Where’d I go so wrong that I can’t undo
Everything or anything I’ve done?
I guess I never even had a clue.
You can’t take back a bullet from a gun.
I can’t undo the life I’ve lived so far.
I guess I may just be simply hopeless.
Tonight I’ll wish upon another star,
And, yes, I do know that this is useless.
And, tell me, have you given up on me?
Guess I don’t blame you, given what I see.


Always

Does it always hurt this bad- to die now?
And will it always kill when I fall down?
And is it always death that shows me how
I forget about them ‘til they fall down?
You never know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.
I’d give anything to make this untrue.
You never know what you have ‘til it’s gone:
Reality, no matter what I do.
And what I would give to turn back these years…
And what I would give to turn back the clock…
What I’d give for one last talk…one last walk…
And now, knowing what I’ve learned by a knife,
I’d give anything to relive this life.


Painful Memory

She’s shed her tears, but she no longer cries.
She’s taken more headshots than you can count.
Even as she smiles, she slowly dies.
Used to ride horse but can no longer mount.
She’s fallen hard, not sure she’ll recover.
She grew up quickly and at a young age.
It didn’t take her long to discover
Just the exact cruelty of life’s fierce rage.
She’s so used to pain it no longer hurts.
So used to death, it’s not even a threat.
She remembers the cool nights and concerts.
She remembers Perfection’s silhouette,
But now she forces herself to forget.
Memory gives too much pain and regret.


She Remembers

She remembers him smash his cigarette.
Oh, but he was so hot when he did it.
She remembers his concert silhouette,
And that one will be quite hard to forget,
And she remembers his beautiful face,
And she remembers the touch of his hand,
And all the time her head spent out in space…
All the time she spent with him and his band.
And she still remembers everything.
She remembers things she wants to forget,
And much too well she remembers the sting.
She remembers it all with such regret.
She remembers it all although she tried
To forget the memories she thought died.


Fire

Look at it, but it’s more than what you see.
Just ‘cause it’s shiny doesn’t mean it’s gold.
It’s sharp, but I didn’t think it’d cut me.
It’s hot, and it’s impossible to hold.
You’re like fire: beautiful and hard to hold.
You’re shining brighter as the world grows dim.
They say know when to hold and when to fold.
I was a fool to think I could hold him.
You put me on a ship that is sinking.
Leave me on a raft far away from land.
Since you left me alone I’ve been thinking,
And I want you to know I understand.
I was a fool, and it’s a lesson learned.
So hopefully next time I won't get burned.


Inspiration

I have been looking for an inspiration,
And I think that I found it in your heart.
It's something you get when you're not looking.
It's the kind of thing you had from the start.
Put me inside flesh that is dying.
I have something I’m ready to confess.
To say I’m dead wouldn’t feel like lying.
I’m buried by desires and weakness.
After this time alone I’ve been thinking.
Leave me on a raft far away from land.
And put me on a ship that is sinking.
That’s okay; I completely understand.
Take away the freedoms I wanted.

Just don’t take away the love I’ve wanted.


My Very Last Friend

Strolling along, I collapse on the floor.
Unexpected, the sharp pain’s brought me down,
And stabbed in the back, I can take no more.
For trusting her, she laughs and puts me down.
Look at my life, and now look at my life.
I turn to see the one who has stabbed me,
But I’m stunned to find him holding the knife.
He swore to me; I thought he was with me.
And staggering on, I do what I must.
When my very last friend has turned on me
I run to the only one I can trust.
I run to you; you will not betray me.
Et tu? Et tu? Even you in the end?
Et tu yes, even my very last friend.


Inside

I was about to tell you ev’rything,
But I then simply decided not to.
Guess it’s just a different song I sing,
The beautiful song heard by still so few.
I guess I will just keep it all inside,
But now I can feel them breaking me down.
I feel every single word I hide.
They weigh on me, and they do tear me down.
These hidden words attract the sound of death.
I hid from it as I hide words from you.
Guess I’ll save these words ‘til my dying breath
Which I will hold until my face turns blue.
But I’ve waited too long and I’m sorry.
This closed mouth is the end of the story.


The Last Day of Your Life

Something aches in you; something burns inside.
And this must be the last day of your life,
You ask yourself again how you have died.
Look down to find yourself holding the knife –
A knife you’ve pulled out of your back again.
Surely, everyone’s turned on you by now,
And since no one’s left to stab you again,
This must be the end, so leave with a bow.
And it’s times like this that make you wonder
And it’s times like this that make you unsure.
And from Heaven comes the sound of thunder
But before you go, give your last grand tour.
Who won, and who lost? You’re not really sure.
It doesn’t really matter anymore.


Happy

With tears in her eyes, this is what she cries:
“Can’t you see I just want to be happy?”
She’s made her mistakes and said her goodbyes
Can’t you see she just wants to be happy?
If she had one wish, for money or gold,
If she had one chance to make up for time,
If she could ignore the lies she was told,
If she could rewind her life’s mountain climb,
Then the result would always be the same.
She’d be happy; she longs to be happy.
After all, there is no one else to blame
She should be happy, longs to be happy.
She’s made her mistakes and said her goodbyes.
Now everything hurts, and she continually cries.


Left Lane

He spends his whole life in the passing lane,
And he feels so good as he flies on by.
And I’m not sure what he’s trying to gain,
But he knows for a fact he’ll never die.
And he doesn’t know what he’s running from.
But a few things are certain at this rate:
Pain can’t touch him until the final sum,
And he knows by then it will be too late.
But he’s decided he won’t regret it:
Destroying every stop sign he finds.
Some people say he’ll just never get it.
But he takes the road however it winds,
And pain will never touch him at this rate
Until the end when it’ll be too late.


Storm

Grief turns to anger: easy to express.
How does he show his sorrow and his guilt?
And he just can’t stand feeling that helpless,
So he takes on anger instead of guilt.
In anger he can swear and throw a fit.
When there’s no more tears he can punch a wall.
He counts one less tear for every hit,
And he has always been too proud to crawl.
He yells and screams; it’s not fair what they did,
And by now he can’t control his anger.
He’s forgotten the real feelings he’s hid,
Can’t see he’s been nothing but an actor.
The fire of his anger keeps him warm.
Cold guilt meets this heat, creating a storm.


Many

What am I to say? Words don’t come at all.
Where am I to go? Direction is lost.
Who is there left to hear my final call?
What am I to pay? Surely not this cost.
When should I give up? Is now too soon?
Why does this happen? Is there a reason?
Are there answers? Find them gazing at the moon.
How do I make it through his cold season?
I find myself reeling; I’m still dying.
And my feet are still searching for friction.
You wouldn’t believe it – I’m still crying.
I’m still broken pieces in the ocean.
Ever wish you could take back your actions?
You’ve left me here with so many questions.


Air that Suffocates

What comes over me when I think of you?
My breath stops short, and my mouth becomes dry.
Why is it that I don’t know what to do
Every single time that you walk by?
I forget my name and day of the week.
And tell me what cologne it is you wear
That knocks out some and makes my knees so weak,
And tell me what you use to gel your hair
That draws the shining sun and makes skies blue.
And is the ground always so far away
Or only when I ride these clouds with you?
And lately I’m like this every day.
What’s in the air that makes me suffocate?
And I do wish that I could still walk straight.



Capture

I looked over at your picture again,
And I decided to admit it’s real.
You are set apart from all other men,
And I just think you should know how I feel.
Love has captured me and never released.
I long to forever feel your embrace.
This longing’s gotten me and never ceased.
When I look in your eyes and at your face,
I get this feeling I just can’t explain,
Although I admit to my confusion.
How can something so wonderful cause pain?
I’m quite lost in a perfect delusion.
I’m all locked up, and you don’t even try;
You’re a mystery fallen from the sky.


Comedy

Beautifully broken, smashed to the ground;
My life is nothing but beautiful art.
Write it down; make it a book to be bound,
And I sure wish I had a diff’rent part,
But now days all they write are tragedies,
Where your friends die or stab you in the back.
I don’t recall any apologies,
And ev’ry time I die skies fade to black.
It’s so tragic it borders comedy.
Always exciting when somebody dies,
And we forget it’s still a tragedy.
Is it still funny to watch my demise?
And tragedies never end happily.
They’ll take my life and call it
larceny.


Happy-Ever-After

I had a dream once of a prince and me.
Anything we faced, from it me he’d save.
All was great when it was just him and me.
He was true beauty and the world he gave.
In dream we lived happy-ever-after,
But when I woke up to reality,
Dreams stole my true happy-ever-after.
In dream I float, but now there’s gravity.
Happy endings used up in fairy tales;
They stole even my smallest chance at one,
And even my best attempt at one fails.
As far as my legs take me I will run.
For I’ve gotta escape reality.
I run back to my dream, where I am free.


The Perfect Escape/Locked Eyes

We locked eyes in the mirror just today.
I glance at you, and you glance at me.
Ashamed of what I saw, I looked away
‘Cause I hate you, and you clearly hate me.
We understand each other perfectly,
And we’re the only ones who really do.
Guess that’s why I hate you so sincerely –
This view leaves little to like about you."
Ran hard and far to try to escape you
‘Cause I can’t stand you and you can’t stand me.
The person who’s hurt me the most is you.
The person who’s hurt you the most is me.
But I tried so hard and found it to be true:
You can never truly escape from you.


Familiar Faces
What would you do if I lessened my pace?
Would you give me the strength to move on?
What would you do if I fell on my face?
Is that more proof that I’m already gone?
I’m still learning how to crawl on my knees.
I understand that you’re ignoring me
When I Cry out, “Would someone help me, please!”
If I fall, I don’t trust you to catch me.
I’m in the most desperate of places;
I’ve never been more alone than I am,
And I’m searching for familiar faces.
Evidently, your smile was a scam.
Do you want me back; will you even try?
I can’t believe this is really goodbye.


White Noise and Other Sounds I’ve Heard Before
I hear your voice mixed in with the background,
But it’s just noise in the back of my head.
There’s a song that reminds me of this sound,
Relating to unheard words that you said.
It’s not the script that gets so confusing,
But it’s the actors who mess up their lines.
And sometimes people find it amusing.
I guess we just missed some of the signs.
It’s your fault: with white noise and words you fake.
Special effects are always distractions.
And I’ll blame actors ‘til I decide to take
Responsibility for my actions.
It’s my fault that I paid no attention.
I learned too late: focus on prevention.


Dark
The sun will soon set on a cloudy day,
And the remaining light will go away.
It will be alright if it rains tonight.
I already know I won’t have my sight.
Each to his own; I don’t care what they say.
Wind on my back, on my feet I will stay,
And although I can try with all my might,
I doubt I will ever forget this night.
Dark as it was, at least the skies weren’t red;
About the last: I wish that could be said,
But last night I sat: back to the water;
Skies ablaze, it couldn’t have been hotter,
And tonight I would pray to rest my head,
But I’d be too afraid I’d wind up dead.


Blind

Can’t stand people who are my friends by day,
I can’t stand those who stab my back at night,
People who lie with ev’ry word they say.
Some people don’t know how to pick their fights,
And I guess I’m probably one of them,
As I pursue hopeless wars and battles.
I seem to pity those who we condemn,
And I still seem to side with the angles,
Defend innocence and integrity
That may have never existed at all,
And as everyone walks all over me,
I am still blinded by what makes me fall.
I still have that trust and naivety
That everyone tries to take from me.


Overcast
It's overcast outside, but the sun's out;
You can tell from its faint and fading glow.
Somewhere unseen the sun and clouds sprout
With battle fought through fire, rain, and snow.
It seems the fire's faded; all you see
Is its glow, barely present in the sky.
The clouds threaten to overflow, as we
Are cleansed of our hope, as they fall from sky,
But the sun fights on with all her fury.
Her glow grows less dim and promises
To break through, but the clouds fight back fiercely,
Their forces from the Earth accumulating
The sun stays loyal, but Earth turns away
The clouds – they overtook the sky today.



Excerpt
What did I do wrong? Is my blood too red?
Tell me, is my heart simply too broken?
And, tell me, are these eyes just way too dead?
And can nothing change the words I’ve spoken?

Beauty is found and crushed to the ground.
A rose is broken, and there is no peace.
Somewhere far off, I hear a trumpet sound.
Death’s hand reaches out and does not release

Thoughts of anger, rage and revenge fill me.
A foggy, red mist clouds my vision here.
A thousand angry bees rage inside me.
I can’t concentrate; my mind is unclear.
I’ve heard the first betrayal hurts the worst.
I know it’s true; I’ve never felt like this.


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Reader Reviews for "The Pebbles On the Path I Walk"

Reviewed by Muhammad Al Mahdi 3/16/2009
Yes, you're first class. You've got a marvellous voice and a fine sense of temper, colour and statement. Your poems rank among the very best written in our time.
Reviewed by Jeremy Lance 5/3/2007
The fluid beauty captured in your poems…leaves me speechless. And you’re so real in your work. I can relate to your every word and find myself shocked to remember that the author of these masterpieces does not know me. Even much of your work about your love (you said in your profile most of that – seems to be the work towards the top – is about Keifer – right?) is relatable (as the topic of love in general). Your work is perfectly written, with exceptional word choice, sometimes ever laugh-out-loud funny. I love “Poem Without Words” and “Seen and Heard”. Some of the statements your poems make are genius (such as “Take a Look”). You state something so simply, and your reader is left breathless, but you keep the poem moving without giving the reader a chance to recover. The truth of “My Escape” is all too painfully true. “One-Time Opportunity” is beautiful; don’t we all have that moment branded in our heads? How you convey the emotion or the moment (such as in “A Cage, a Key and a Vow”) is amazing to me; you really pull the reader in. If you don’t mind me asking, are the songs about “she” about you or a friend or anyone in particular?
I have attempted Shakespearean sonnets before (nothing worthy of sharing) and realize the time you’re put into these, and, just as that time is evident so is the heart behind the words. How long have you been writing your poetry (particularly these sonnets)? You have quite the library of poetry; admitably, it’s somewhat intimidating at first look over, and yet, when reading your work I was finished all too fast and longing for more, like a book written by a master leaves you at the end. You seem to be a natural poet.
Thank you for sharing these treasures, you really opened yourself to us readers. I genuinely look foreword to any future work of yours
~JL

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Perceptions by Odin Roark

"Perceptions" is a Limited Edition book of prosetry and photos where prose and verse are interrelated to explore philosophical ideas...  
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