From the mind of Conservative Political Columnist Adam Graham comes Dave Screwtape, sage Democratic Political Consultant. Screwtape's job is to help
Democrats win elections. Sometimes Conservatives make his job difficult, and sometimes they make it too easy.
In 32 reports full of honesty and wit, you'll learn the truth about American politics and Democratic Party strategy in this 21st Century take-off on C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters. Screwtape discusses topics ranging from why the color of yard signs matters to
homeschooling and gay marriage.
If you buy one political satire book this year inspired by the works of C.S. Lewis, make it this one!
The Screwtape Reports
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Report #2From: Dave ScrewtapeTo: House Democrats, Senate Democrats, Democratic National Committee, Friendly PublicationsSubject: We Define the IssuesAfter last week's report, I was deluged with e-mail. The e-mails did not regard the substance of the report, but rather the line, "we are winning."Many of you in Congress have sent me resentful e-mails asking how I can possibly suggest we are winning when we are in our fifth term as the House's minority, and have spent all but a year and a half of the last decade as the Senate minority party.Do not be so egocentric! Yes, I know that many of you no longer have prime subcommittee chairmanships that you possessed a decade ago. However, the state of the Democratic Party is not based solely on the number of Democrats in Congress.We are winning in so many ways that you are not considering. In the next few letters, I'll give you needed encouragement in the face of Bush's poll numbers and our current status in Washington.For one thing, we define the issues in Washington today. Remember 1995? What were the issues? Should we abolish the Department of Education? Should we abolish the Department of Commerce? Should we abolish the National Endowment for the Arts? Should we abolish the progressive income tax? The Republicans defined the issues then.What are the issues today? How much should we increase the education budget? How much should we increase overall spending? And, what should the rates be for the progressive income tax? We define the issues in Washington today. No one questions the basic assumption of any government program. No one proposes cutting government or eliminating programs. The only question is how much we should increase them.The great warriors of the 1995 Republican Revolution are gone. By our past victories during their attempts to force draconian cuts on the American people, we have emasculated the Republican Party and curtailed their willingness to take on government programs. Yes, there are efforts underway to reform Social Security and Medicare but don't fear, this is a party led not by hard-edged ideologues, but by pleasant men who want to get along and avoid partisan combat. Therefore, their efforts will go nowhere.Yes, it's true that there are some social issues that Republicans are winning on such as the partial birth abortion ban, but no one votes on social issues. Everyone votes on their pocketbook and social programs.Republicans are becoming the near beer of American politics. They offer people a cheaper, watered down version of our programs. Whose prescription drug plan is better? Ours is, of course. When it comes to creating entitlements, we're always better at it. We'll always win that debate and the support of the American people. I fully expect that given the current state of play, we will regain control of the House by 2006 and the Senate in 2008.Why aren't we winning politically right now? It comes down to one simple reason. George W. Bush. He is the greatest politician of our age. When he speaks, the American people believe him. They believe he cares about the country and is seeking to do nothing but what's in the best interest of America, and that he's telling them the truth.Bush is faking, of course. We're adults and we know no politician cares anything about the American people, only their own agendas. Still, the people buy into it and we need to address this.We must all work harder at being as good at faking sincerity as Bush. Sadly, watching our current crop of presidential candidates, I know we have a long ways to go. I would urge candidates for president in this cycle as well as potential candidates for 2008 to learn to fake sincerity.Once we master that, we will once again gain control of the government. After all, those who define the issues, win the debate.Sincerely,Dave Screwtape