What happens to intimacy and sex in a marriage when one has Fibromyalgia? Author Kimberley Linstruth-Beckom explores this topic and shows you her discovery of the art of intimacy.
This book has an R rating due the mature nature of this topic.
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Author Kimberley Linstruth-Beckom
The thoughts of writing this book came to me after "The Fibro Hand" was finished. Functioning without the pain of Fibromyalgia, day to day is a major accomplishment, however, we also need to function in a very intimate and personal matter of expression, the expression of love to another sexually. This is a very important, personal, and intimate topic for myself, and I hope to share a little of my trials and tribulations with my syndrome and how it affects one's marriage.
One of the hardest things for me to cope with was when I thought I was whining too much when I'd ask my husband for a backrub before sex. After all, didn't my parents and my parent's parents go through aches and pains too?
My husband was great about it and would always oblige because he knew something at the time that I didn't, both partners need to be relaxed both physically and mentally in order to engage in an intimate encounter.
The night before I started to write "Fibromyalgia and Sex Can Be a Pain in the Neck" Scott and I had a long discussion about it. I had all of this pent up passion on the subject and that lead him to say, "Kim, if it bothers you-- it bothers others. Start the book and let me know when we can have some fun with the research." (Insert laugh from husband here.) And so a book idea was born.
Taken from Chapter Four, The Guilt Factor and How to Avoid the Morning After Pain
When adults talk about sex, they tend to say things like, "my own gratification doesn't matter", "I want to please my partner", or the famous, "It's all about them." Well I'm here to tell you that in my experience with Fibromyalgia I can truly say that "It's all about me." What I mean by this is that the mornings can be tough enough with Fibromyalgia. You may have over exerted your body from cleaning, bending, lifting, exercising, or a slue of other activities from the day before. Your body can even be stiff from sleeping. Over working the body with sex is just asking for trouble.
Everyone wants to please their partner and you can in many ways, but sometimes "twister" has to take a back seat when it comes to pain. This has to be done in order to maintain a healthy body. One shouldn't feel guilty when it comes to saying no every once in a while. You also shouldn't feel guilty about performance in a particular position if it causes pain.
I have had to learn this lesson the hard way because when I started my own sexual revolution I thought that women should be traditional when it comes to sex. I fell into a submissive role when it came to sex just so I could learn how to please the man. That won't work now if I want to move around the next day without a lot of pain.
We all want to please in life because we are loving people, and that's okay, but five minutes of his pleasure is not worth a whole day of pain for me. So I started to think about how my body works and what I could do with it-- not what was asked of me. This is how I lost the guilt factor for myself.