I Am All That I Am,The Secrets To Unlocking Your Life's Purpose.
“Life is not meant to be easy, it’s meant to be lived.”
Every author‘s dream is to write a “best seller. We hope that the countless number of hours dedicated to putting our words on paper will create a story, teach a lesson, or reach out to touch another’s heart in a positive way. My first creation, “Living in A Place Called Beautiful “; The Truth about Caregiver Abuse was dedicated to my son Michael. He was a victim of neglect and died at the tender age of nineteen. Although born with Cerebral Palsy he has always been my inspiration and the driving force behind my desire to help others. Miraculously he was born instinctively knowing who he was and the purpose for his birth, life and early demise. He possessed more strength than anyone I have ever known and although his life was not easy, he lived every day to the fullest. Once again, I dedicate this book to honor his memory, and I lovingly thank him for his patience to teach me how to find the courage to live, love and simply be All That I AM.
“Life is sometimes smooth, sometimes rough, but with every up and down we learn lessons that will make us strong.”
Gifts come in many forms and from numerous sources. They are usually shared during special occasions and to build memories. Physical gifts can be touched, smelled, heard, or tasted but spiritual gifts are miracles and anyone who was ever born has been blessed at least once. Miracles are proof that God has heard your prayer or shown a desperate soul mercy so that it can move forward in its journey and discover its purpose.
Miracles often appear during our darkest hour or greatest need and usually after when we have exhausted all of our time, energy, and strength hoping that everything will turn out fine. However, what happens if what we want is not what we receive?
When my son Michael was born, he came into the world under dire circumstances, trapped in a body that did not function and without the necessary wiring to communicate efficiently. Not knowing how to care for a disabled child was frightening and I received no help from his father or my family. Living with Michael was very demanding and there was no time to dream about going back to school to complete a degree or traveling to Paris. He required 24-hour care, day and night without reservation, and when he passed, I had such a deep wound inside that it prevented me from wanting to move forward in life. Love was replaced with pain and my daily existence became a tomb. Surrounded by guilt, fear, and doubt suicide seemed the only way to go .All I needed was a foolproof plan to make sure that no one would be able to stop me from leaving. Before moving to Wyoming, I was a police officer in the Bay area in California so suicide was not foreign to me.I had witnessed the many different ways that people had chosen to end their lives. Sometimes their attempts failed and their worst fear became their reality. They were not only still here but now they were disabled and trapped in a body that did not function. Because of my mental anguish the desperation to leave this physical plane of existence was daunting. Instead of punishing me, God reached out to me in his infinite mercy and goodness, and sent help from a supernatural source. This act of kindness prevented me from interfering with the flow of energy in the universe and for now, the wiring system that linked all of us together would not interrupted.
Billy Thomas was a 23-year-old man who spent all of his life trying to get his father’s approval. His dad was a building Contractor an important man in his community but his son Billy was a simple laborer. Determined to make a man out of his boy the father forced Billy to learn every facet of the business from the ground up. He was not allowed any special treatment just because he was the owners’ son. This created tension within the family and even though Billy spent every waking hour seeking his dads’ approval, he resented him for making his life so difficult. with out a doubt the relationship between father and son had become so broken , that a simple request for time off turned into a major disagreement. After hanging up the telephone, Billy went into his room, retrieved his .22 caliber handgun, placed it into his mouth and pulled the trigger. This was the first suicide case I ever seen so it was mandatory I show my presence during the autopsy. After the initial incision was made on Billy’s’ body the lights went out. Intimated, I demanded to know when the lights would return. Laughing the coroner assured me that the hospital generator would kick back on at any moment. Eventually the lights returned, only this time they began to dim gradually until we were surrounded in the darkness. Being raised catholic I was convinced that Billy was at his own autopsy and that his soul was not at peace. Feeling haunted I ran from the hospital and returned to the police station, scared out of my wits.Because life is a gift whenever someone commits suicide, it is like slapping our divine power in the face. It is the ultimate betrayal to ourselves and should never be an option to escape painful situations. Life is meant to be exactly that; Life! When we fail to connect with our life’s purpose or try to interrupt the divine plan, the energy on this planet and the reason we came into existence is interrupted. Whenever we lose energy, adjustments must be made and everyone’s life has to shift to compensate for the loss. Think of it this way; we are all part of a complex wiring system thru which energy flows; one spirit. Even though we think we do not have any responsibility to a stranger because we have no conscious memory linking them to any of our recent experiences, we have an obligation not to interrupt the energy linking us before its time.
Although this knowledge was etched deep inside, once Michael died there was a complete disconnect from my physical body. It was like having one foot in and one foot out and the wounded inner child demanded freedom from the pain and loss. Lucky for me the deep spiritual connection I had as a child and throughout my adult life became my saving grace. Divine power intervened, showing my wounded spirit love and understanding and I was spared from committing the ultimate betrayal to myself. my wounded spirit received love and understanding and I was spared from committing the ultimate betrayal to myself and everyone around me. Although suicide is a selfish act, God was merciful when I could not show mercy to myself. He replaced fear and resentment with understanding and peace, and for the first time since I lost Michael I understood that his death was part of a larger plan. It was not a conspiracy to punish me for doing something wrong. Until now, I felt completely responsible for my son’s death. In addition, there was a driving need for me to know why he was taken. As a parent, I told myself that I should have known Michael was in trouble. Mothers are supposed to know when their kids are sick or hurting, so why didn’t I know he was in danger? Soaked in fear and guilt for not being there to save him, I berated myself and felt unworthy to go on without him. This entire experience was a perfect example of how toxic we become when we do not trust in a higher power or we lose touch with our soul. I have heard spiritual teachers say that when we lose a child it is a punishment that has been delivered to teach us what we did wrong. It has been delivered to us, so move on. Let me share with you that losing a child is not a punishment for a parent. Every person born has an appointed time to live and an appointed time to die. Too put it in simple terms, Michael had to go! It was as simple as that. This was his appointed time to die and nothing could have stopped the course of events that led up to his leaving. But isn’t every experience designed to teach us a lesson? Yes, but not all lessons are meant to be negative. We all have to leave here and return home. It’s not the leaving that we worry about, it’s the how that bothers us. When someone chooses to die in a violent manner it’s not a punishment for the parents, it’s a lesson for the one who committed the offense and a lesson to make others strong or accepting that we are powerless. Although Michael’s death was negligent homicide, no one was held accountable for his death, which led me into becoming angry. l carried such guilt and resentment that I poisoned my own mind, spirit, and soul with misinformation. Michael did not suffer because he had the ability to leave his body when death became eminent. We all have that ability to leave our bodies at our choosing when and if death is calling. However, this ability is never revealed or triggered until the proper time and under the proper circumstances. It is important to know that, whether we see justice in this life or not, we need to be at peace knowing that the person who committed the crime has doomed him/her selves to a poor quality of life until they pay for what they have done and correct their mistakes. Karma is instantaneous; it is not something we wait for in the future. From the moment that we hatch a plan filled with bad intentions, we have set karma in motion and we will be doomed to fail until we make things right. It’s that simple! As stated in the Color Purple, “what you do to me is ALREADY DONE to you.”