From porn to retail to delivering dead bodies to mortuaries, these are the strange tales of The Job Pirate.
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Bleeding Heart Publications
From the porn magazine to the moving truck to the dark sewers of California, Brandon Christopher’s journey in the American job market is not only absurd, but also full of wit and profound observations. He steps out from behind the driver’s wheel, the cash register, and the office desk to record the lighter and darker sides of humanity in the workplace. Christopher’s tale makes even the most mundane job seem fascinating and the most exciting career appear hum-drum and hollow. The Job Pirate strips off the façade of the average employee to see what is hidden underneath.
Often hilarious and sometimes profound, Christopher’s stories take us through the offices, department stores and kiosks of the West Coast. We ride along with him as he chauffeurs the famous, the dead and sometimes just their furniture. Christopher gives us an irreverent inside glimpse into the work life of the people we see everyday.
To see me in your office is surely cause for speculation. I look like you, and I work like you, but I am not like you, and some part of you knows this. Some preternatural part of you, deep down inside, knows that I am an imposter in your workplace. But your—actually, our—employer doesn’t know this yet; he doesn’t realize the person he just gave a password and unique login to is a professional at what he does for a living. But this particular profession isn’t what he does for a living—at least it wasn’t three days prior to the interview.
That new employee that you see hanging his vintage blazer onto the backrest of his swivel chair is me. My cubicle is right next to yours. I don’t say much, I dine alone, I drink a lot of coffee, and I know my legal right to two cigarette breaks in an 8-hour workday. And yes, you were right, I’m not really the Marketing Strategist I told the boss I was. But I’m sitting here in this cubicle, and the résumé that got me this job is in my attaché case right beside me, and it clearly states that I have more than enough experience to run this company’s entire advertising department. So, fuck you, lady in the cubicle next to mine. And fuck your perceptive eyes that caught me checking my Scottrade account this morning. I’ll be here between three weeks and a year, so you better get used to the idea of it.