Lilly is confused with the word love. She searches for who she is and who she wants. Follow the adventure with her.
The new kid
“Don’t take love for granted my dear.” My grandma always said, but I did. Even though I heard her say that throughout my whole childhood, I did it anyway. I fell in love with him and here’s the story how…
It was on a hot, humid morning in September and I didn’t bother to shower. I was tired, and obviously didn’t have time. I drove to school feeling frustrated by the fight my mom and I had. “Honey, you have to understand…Mike is good to me!” Mike is her lame boyfriend who has been in rehab a million times. He’s using us for our money. My father was multi millionaire lawyer. He got killed when I was 3, he left my mom and I all his money, and we’ve been living off that for 14 years. My mom buys me everything, but not because I want it, just because she feels I need it. I don’t really. I have my best friend Lauren to keep my occupied.
As I got to the school parking lot, I begin to feel my nerves come up my throat. I forgot today was Lauren’s birthday. I got her the best present in the world. She’ll love it. She loves to go shopping in New York and my mom got me a whole bunch of Chanel things. I don’t like them, so I’m going to give them to Lauren. Along with the present I got her. I got her a bracelet from Tiffany’s. It’s silver with diamonds all around it. I had it custom made for her. They imprinted her name on the inside it, with my name along after hers. I drove home faster then the speed of light. Not really, but I wanted too.
I got home to find Mike's car parked in my place in the garage... it made me angry to see that. I parked my BMW and walked throught the garage to find my mom blocking the door. "Mom, move." I said. "Lilly, Mike's here..." I rolled my hazle eyes "Yeah, I see that. He's in my parking place." My mom still stood there "MOM,MOOOOVE!!!" I said loudly. I nudged passed her, and opened the door Mike was standing in the kitchen "Lilly, you're wrong about me." Mike said. I walked up to him with rage in my veins "I know about you Mike. You're lucky I haven't told my mom." He took a step back from me hitting the island behind him. "I don't know what you're talking about" He said moving toward the steel refrigerator. "Of course not. I forgot men like to play dumb." I turned away from him walking into the den kicking the bookshelf I turned to watch the books fall. I turned back around and ran up the spirling stairs. Since I was already home and going to be late to school...I might as well take a shower and get desent.
It was after nine by the time I was fully clothed and my hair done. I jumped in my BMW and drove off, without a goodbye to anyone.
I got to school just in time for 3rd period. I walked in and Lauren smiled. "HEY! where have you been? I thought you were going to be absent on my birthday." Lauren said frowning. "OH!! Nope, I'm here. Don't worry. By the way...Here's you present." I said handing her the bag full of her surprises. She opened it and the smile on her face grew ear to ear "Do you like it?" I asked already knowing the answer. "OH MY GOSH...YES!!!" I laughed. She gave me the biggest hug anyone could imagine.
Mrs. Bolmski came in with her hair in frizzy curls. I'm guessing she woke up late. "Ladies and Gentlemen...we have a new student here with us today. His name is James. He moved her from Florida." Lauren turned to look at me "Wow, he's cute." she said smiling. I laughed. "Yes, he's very cute." James went to the empty seat Mrs. Bolmski assigned him. He made eye contact with me. "Lilly, he's looking at you." I grinned. "cool." I didn't know what else to say but that.
During lunch Lauren and I went to the library to look for a book she needed for her English class. I walked up every aisle and found nothing "Lauren..I'm not seeing it." Lauren sighed. "Okay, lets go to lunch I'm starving." Lauren and I walked out the doors. We walked down the stairs two at a time. James was outside the cafeteria doors smiling with Brody Smith, and Adam Moore. The most popular boys in High School. James stood there akwardly as they all talked. Lauren and I walked passed them and then Brody smacked my butt "Hey baby, you ready for Friday night?" he asked. I smiled a little "What's Friday?" I asked knowing the answer. He took me by the waist and took us away from our witnesses. "Honey, it's Adam's birthday. we're giving him having a surprise party. I thought I told you?" “Oh, yes you did. I’m sorry I must have spaced it.” I said trying to sound convincing. He took me by the neck and kissed my lips gently. “Let’s go” he said pulling me by the hand. I looked up at his pale blue eyes. He didn’t look back. He stared blankly ahead. “Brody…” I said finally. He looked down at me “Hmm?” I watched his eyes leave mine when Ashley Miller walked by “Never mind.” I said pulling away from his grip on my hand. I walked to Lauren as she met me half way “Lauren…” she stared at my face, she knew something was wrong by the way I said her name. “What’s wrong? Lilly, are you okay?” I didn’t know what was actually wrong I was just a little sad I wasn’t Brody’s full attention. No matter how much I loved him, he was never going to love me like I did him. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I stuttered out the words in between my sobs. Why was I crying so hard over nothing? I didn’t know, and it was pissing me off. Lauren walked with me to the bathroom I stopped crying over nothing. “Lilly…is it Brody?” Lauren asked me. “Yeah, why am I madly in love with him?” Lauren watched me fix my make up in the mirror and put a strand of hair behind my ear. It reminded me something my mom would do when I was sad. “Well, you have been, like, I don’t know…friends since freshman year.” I laughed at her response. “Are you saying we’re more like sex buddies?” she giggled “Yeah kind of.” I rolled my eyes and laughed “It’s not like that at all, Lauren.” She gave me a stern look “Uh huh…” I rolled my eyes "I'm done here." She followed me out the bathroom door and walked with me to my locker "Lauren? am I dumb for keeping Brody all this time?" She looked at me with wide eyes "Kind of. I mean you guys aren't together but he acts like he owns you. He's also very controlling to. I mean you can't do anything without him getting pissed off. It bugs me, Lilly. Because you two aren't together. and he's always with a new girl every week, and brain washes you into thinking it's okay if he does it, but you can't. And I know that's the reason you won't ever admit you like someone because you're too afraid Brody will find out."
I just stood there in amazement that she just called me out on that. I mean she was right, and I knew it. “You’re totally right.” She smiled “I know I am…I think about this all the time, you’re not only my best friend, Lilly…you’re like my sister too.” She gave me a hug “I love you, Lil” I smiled “Happy Birthday, Lauren.”
Lauren went to class early to study for her geometry test, and I went back to lunch to get my something to eat. I was hungry, although I had absolutely no appetite. I think I was just going to get a small pudding to eat until I get home.
I was walking down the hall when I heard his voice…it was like music in my ears. “Hey!” I turned around to see who it was, and there he stood. “Hey Lilly? Am I correct?” I was stunned to see him, but why? He was just the new kid. “Yes.” I said. He smiled “Where’s the restrooms? I smiled back “Uh…right down the hall, and turn right.” I said, He gave me a smile, “You know, I was just trying to make an excuse to talk to you.” I stared at him for a second before I realized what he said, “Oh, well…that shouldn’t really be necessary. I am no one to talk to. Really.” he gave me a stern look, “I disagree with you,” he said. “Why,” I asked. “Well, because you seem pretty cool. I can tell you are smart. About some things…and I can tell you have a close friendship with that girl, Lauren. I think her name is.” I closed my eyes for a minute then opened them to see him smiling, “yes. Her name is Lauren. My name is Lilly. “Your name?” I asked, although I had already known. It was James Woodrow. “My name is James. I’m in you’re world lit class.” I smiled, “Nice to meet you, James.” I said holding out my right hand, he grabbed and it and shook it. “Nice to meet you as well, Lillian,” No one has not called me that since the last I saw my grandparents when I was ten. He looked at my expression as he said my real name, “it’s alright to call you that, right?” I shook my head, “yeah, sure. Just don’t do it all the time.” He laughed, “I won’t, Lilly.”
He let go of my hand and pulled out his schedule, “I’m going to American History next. Do you know where that is?” I smiled a sweet smile, “who do you have?” he handed me his schedule, “Mr. Lawson.” I said aloud, “yes. That’s it.” I giggled, “We have that class together.” He smiled, “awesome. I’m glad to have a boring class with someone who probably won’t make it boring at all.” I laughed, “Well, I love that class. Mr. Lawson does not make it boring at all. We actually have fun.” I said, “Oh, well…never mind then, darling.” When he said “darling” I remember feeling a little embarrassed. It made me think about something my aunt would call me. Therefore, I laughed.
The bell rang to 6th period, almost the end of the day. I walked with James hoping Brody would not see me and throw a huge fit. James and I got to class and he sat behind me. Mr. Lawson came up and introduced himself, showed him where things were in the classroom, talked about James’ school in Florida and embarrassed James in front of the class by, bringing him up to the front of the class and tell about him and his old school. I studied James as he talk about himself. He had brown eyes. The kind that makes you think of a chocolate bar. His hair was the color of honey, golden. He was and still is the most beautiful person I have ever seen.
After Mr. Lawson let James take a seat, he told us we did not have anything planned. Therefore, I turned around to talk to James, but instead I asked him if he wanted to go to the library. I had study hall next period and I was going to be down there for a while anyway. James agreed and him and I got passes and left. On the way up the stairs, James had a smile. A smile you cannot forget. I watched as took each step at a time slowly. As if he did not want to trip and make me, have to laugh at him. I was not shallow, so I would not have. I would have helped him up and made sure he was okay. Not even with a smile on my face.
I walked in the library before him and sat at a table. He followed me and sat sown smiling. He was always smiling. Nevertheless, I never minded. It was the most beautiful smile in the world. “So, tell me about yourself.” James said, “Well, I’m obviously Lilly. I am 17. I live in a neighborhood that I was always afraid to leave because the outside world to me was scary. I am spoiled but I do not like it. My mom’s boyfriend is a loser and cannot stay out of rehab. My best friends’ name is Lauren and that’s basically it about me.” I said that smiling. He looked me in the eyes, not leaving them once. “You’re very interesting, Lilly.” He said pulling out his notebook. He lifted his pen and started writing something in it. He passed it to me. I still remember word for word what it said;
I would like to ask you something but I am afraid you will be mad
“I’m sure I won’t be mad” I said out loud, he smiled and put away his pen, “Why are with that Brody guy?” he asked me finally. I stared blankly passed him. Soaking in what he just asked. It took me a minute before I said anything. “Because I love him,” he did not do anything, he did not say anything then he spoke quietly, “does he love you?” I did not know what to say to that. I just wanted to scream. Why was he asking me personal question that a barely knew? Why did he want to know all these things when he has only known me for about an hour or so? “I don’t know.” I finally said after a moment of silence. He looked at me. Could he tell I was about to cry? “I’m sorry if I upset you,” he said getting up, “where are you going?” I asked, “I’ll be right back.” He said walking away. I sat there in silence wondering why he wanted to know something so personal, something that hurts me whenever I speak one word about it. However, he did not know that my emotions are terrible. In addition, he did not know I cry about almost everything.
“Hey.” I looked up and Brody was standing in front of me. “Hi…” I said trying not to look at him in his eyes. Not only would I be even more hurt but I would also want to get up and punch him in his perfect face for hurting me for two years. “Are you okay?” he asked me, “Why do you care?” I said trying not to cry over again. Every time I thought about him and I being together sexually made me somewhat sick. I felt so horrible for putting myself in something I was going to get myself in trouble with, something that was going to hurt me. I loved him but there is times when love is not what people need in their lives to complete them. “Lilly, I care. Tell me why you were crying at lunch, please?” Brody said tying to sound like he actually did care, but know deep down he does not really. “Brody…it doesn’t matter. Stop asking me.” He sat down, “Lilly? What is it?” I looked for James in the library I did not see him, “Nothing, stop acting like you care.” When I said that, he actually looked somewhat hurt. However, at that time I did not even care, “You’re right. I do not care about you. I have just wasted two and a half years with you. That’s not caring at all, Lilly.” I stared at him, “Brody, don’t do this right now. If you really cared about me like you said, we would be in a relationship; we wouldn’t be talking about this right now.” He grabbed my hand from the table, “Lilly, I love you. I always have. We are not together, because that is not what we want. We rather be single, but still be kind of like in a relationship.” I rolled my eyes, “Whatever, Brody. That is what you want that is not what I want. I love you too, but you have to realize I am going to move on. And there never will be me and you. I am not going to bow down to you like every other girl in this school. I am not going to wait on you everyday to just introduce me to your friends and family that I am your girlfriend, you have to understand I’m not going to be you’re back up. You’re eventually going to find someone to be with. And I can tell it’s not going to be me.” Brody gave me a look like that really did hurt him, “Lilly, I want to be with you.” He finally said after I began to cry, “Brody, I know what you’re doing. You’re afraid you will lose me forever so you’re going to feed me some bull shit and make me believe you. Then I’m going to run back into your arms and you take me home and we make love. Then you tell me that you want to wait to be in a relationship. I’m not dumb Brody.” He put his face in his hands, “You do not understand me, Lilly. I want to be with you. Forever. I’m asking you to be my girlfriend, right now. Yes or no?” I rolled my eyes, “Okay, what if I say yes? Then we go out tonight and you take me to your place we make love then you send me home crying because you didn’t mean it. You just wanted to keep your booty call.” I could tell Brody was getting very frustrated, “Oh my God, Lilly. You think the worst of me. No, I’m not going to do that. I want us to be officially together. Forever.” I wiped my eyes on my sleeve, “You want to be together forever?” Brody smiled a little, “Yes, Lilly. I want to marry you. I want nothing more than to just spend the rest of my life with you. I smiled; I don’t know why because I knew all of it was a joke. “Let me think about it.” I said.
Brody leaned across the table and kissed my forehead, “I love you, Lillian Marie Smith.” I smiled and wiped away my tears, “I love you too, Brody Allen Roberts.” He got up and winked at me and walked away. I watched him walk out the doors and cried. I cannot believe he asked me to marry him.