Dinner with WT 10th Anniversary Edition
Insanely funny short stories from the Baby Boomer generation. This edition includes 4 BONUS STORIES.
You can't summarize something like this. You just have to see for yourself. You'll laugh. Guaranteed. Unless you're offended by "R" rated material. In that case, best you keep browsing.
I tried to reassure myself. "It's not the end of the world, Rick. You just have a loggerhead hanging from your nutsack."
I gently lifted W.T. to relieve some of the pressure, and hobbled over to the bed, thinking that if I just spread out and laid there for a few minutes he'd let go. He didn't.
I lit a cigarette and tried to lean forward and blow smoke in his face. That didn't do any good either.
Panic turned to paranoia. I could see the night clerk (that greasy little weasel bastard with the wire rim glasses) downstairs, with all of his greasy little bug-doctor-weasel bastard friends, gathered around the secretly-installed surveillance camera monitor, spitting beer as they laughed unrestrainedly at the image of the smoking turtle between the naked man's legs. I turned out the lamp beside the bed, but the glow from the television still illuminated me...and W.T. And the damn remote wouldn't work. And it was on
cable, showing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I started remembering a story my wife had told me about a woman who brought her husband into the ER at her hospital, in the middle of the night, to have a candle removed from his...his...his posterior. Up until this point I had always thought that would be a nightmare. Now, I wished my
problem was that easily explained.
In about half an hour it became apparent to me that W.T. wasn't going to let go on his own. On the surface, it appeared that I had two options: Yank the sonofabitch off, like a tick, and lose a very small, but significant piece of my anatomy...or suffer the humiliation of a trip to the emergency room. Neither choice was particularly appealing.