This is a portion of Chapter one of the book, "I will not be Defeated Anymore."
Green Monsters, Hogs & Fathers
I am bent over. I've been brought very low. All day long I go around sobbing.
My back is filled with burning pain. My whole body is sick. I am weak. I feel as if I've been broken in pieces. I groan because of the great pain in my heart.
Psalms 38: 6-8
The police handcuffed me, threw me into the car, and took me to the green monster. The green monster was “The Sheriff’s Annex” in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. They made me take all my clothes off, searched me thoroughly, and placed me in a cell, a nasty green cell. The placed stunk; a rancid, putrid smell permeated the place. Yet, has distasteful as the green monster was it turned out to be holy ground.
I was drunk and insane again. After a commotion at home, my estranged wife called the police; they arrested me, and took me to the green monster instead of jail. I just couldn’t stop drinking. No matter what happened to me: jails, hospitals, or pain I couldn’t find a way out of addiction. Now, once again, locked up and I knew what was coming. I knew they would commit me to a mental institution but I kept fighting. I continued the vain attempts to figure out how to get out of this mess.
Deep inside I knew God was the answer. I knew where to turn but I refused to surrender to Him. I refused to surrender to anyone or anything. Anger, hatred and resentments warped my thinking and I knew what the judge would say, “Committed.” What was I going to do? I wanted to die. I wanted to run but there was absolutely no place to run. Thoughts, my thoughts swirled as fast a light. If only life had been different. Life had turned into one gigantic cycle of mental and physical pain. Now, again locked down, hopeless, helpless, and desperately looking for a way to escape. I didn’t just want to escape from the cell I was in I wanted to escape from the prison I created in my mind.
Defeat loomed near and I knew it. I had to surrender to God or die. I, Bob Wilkerson, was defeated again. Years of drug abuse, crime, mental institutions, hospitals, treatment centers and jails. Which way do I turn? Is there a way out? I was going permanently insane and I was tired, so tired!