"Monstrous" traces my life as I subtly warped toward and within a homicidal state before awakening at age twenty-one. My story aims to show that the underlying principle behind the saying "There but for the grace of God go I", that any of us could meet any fate under different circumstances, is in fact sound.
Ladies, gentlemen and hermaphrodites, I am proud to announce that my impossible autobiography has nevertheless arrived after twenty-one years of living it, nine of germinating, writing and refining it, and five of beating my head against the wall trying to get it published through use of traditional channels.
My favorite New York rejection came from an agent unable to process the fact that my story was true. She wrote to the effect that, "I usually like dark fiction (sic), but this is too dark even for me!" 'Monstrous' is a book that perhaps like no other challenges your capacity to push toward the void. It is also a book of real answers for anyone seriously intent on learning why fulfillment killers exist, and how it is possible not only for a human being to reach such a state, but to reach it without his core humanity ever being in doubt.
For my money 'Monstrous' is a finer work than any loose neighbor I'm aware of on several different scores. I have never seen a more intricately woven step-by-step chronology of a deviantly developing mind, and neither have I known a book that offered such hope that evil can be healed. I write this fifteen years removed from a mind consumed with murder, though I never crossed over the line, and today live a life of small joys.
"With the moment finally upon us, I felt like I was pulling the coup of the century as I climbed out the basement window. There was a clear sense as I was doing this that I was actually breaking "on through" The Wall of my fixations, as symbolized by this open window, essentially a hole in the wall. Poised in perfect balance on the window's lower frame, then pushing irreversibly forward, the sensation was almost orgasmic."