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cynthia johnson

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Learning Curves
by cynthia johnson   

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Copyright:  2009

The hardest thing about being an adult, is surviving yourself, life and the struggle. Some learn this lesson very young and some don't learn it until they feel as though they have hit rock bottom. Keeping this in mind, you haven't hit rock bottom if you can say that you have hit rock bottom, the rain in the struggle will let you know you have to keep pressing on and the sunshine in your reward lets you know you're still alive to fight another battle, should one arise. This book reflects a young person who has an old soul. In 27 years, I have danced in the rain, sweat in the sunshine and fell asleep in the dead of cold. My eyes have been weary, my flesh has been weak, but my mind has grown strong and independent. No longer do I fall victim to a theory and I am no one's tragedy. I am a story to be told and I am the breeze that pushes and encourages others to change, to better themselves and to grow up with victory!

Created and Written By: Cynthia L. Johnson

Copyright 2009

1. Introduction
2. One Chance
3. Survive Me
4. Hip Hop
5. Saved
6. Happy Home
7. What I want
8. Power To Dream
9. Spontaneous Express
10. Out of Balance
11. Liquified
12. Solidified
13. Some Times
14. Coulda been
15. Child Of Mine
16. Outta Sight, Outta Mind
17. Dark Light
18. Me
19. Cold Sunshine
20. Love ISÖ
21. Raindrops on a Rose
22. Vow to Make
23. Your Start
24. Wait
25. In The Air
26. Love Message
27. My Love
28. Secret Scar
29. Whatís In a Name?
30. Shaky Ground

This composition was written
With the deepest propositionÖ
I propose you, go with the flow
Cause you know, you need to stop and listen
Take a second to decide
Give me a minute of your time
Hear my thoughts in a rhyme, a silent word, and a spoken dream
Of what you thought was serene
I am, the true meaning of BEING FREE
An unattached being
A tad bit of a QUEEN
Iím totally goingí through it
I amÖpart of a movement
My LIFE, is a must read

If you, go with the flow
In every episode, I promise
That all the questions you ask
The answers, youíll soon know

If you, go with the flow
At times, you go against the grain
Be sure youíre ready for pain
Once you, get inside my brain

If you, go with the flow
I get a chance to ease back
Iím chasing you for feedback
My attraction is genuine
And I know youíre feelin that

If you, go with the flow
Your frame can be tamed
With so many different ways to please
And I can tell from the way you move
It got you coming back to me

If you, go with the flow
You can open your heart to me
Be free in your own skin
And you can leave the rest to me
Iím not a super being
I cry when I hurt, my heart can break
And if you cut me, I can bleed

If you, go with the flow
Conversations give a piece of me
If you listen closely
My heart speaks uncontrollably
And everything I donít say
Should be known, obviously
Just run it with me
If you donít want it donít sit on it
Just say something to me
Aint no fun in love,
If you donít give that chance to meÖ

Love can be, an unforgiving stranger
It has no sense of
Time, can be your worst enemy
Yet give you peace of mind
A piece of mind is a memory,
A timeline that has no sense of style
If you look at your past,
Thereís things you havenít done in a while
A moment is golden when itís a thought
To have a gut rushing assumption
Is wanting to be forgot,
Tend to be the most intrigued
With the idea of becoming your need
To dream, breathe, to feed
On the feelings of emotional beings
To promote your self esteem
Into a selfish act of greed
Even at your lowest point of pain,
Love shows what you have to gain
A child born from a moment of rain
Drop to the name of lust
When things donít work out and thereís no trust
That combines you and I into ďusĒ
Bound to what we are
Free to what we do
Open to a lie but not eager for the truth
To busy on a line and getting loose
I see potential in you
But itís essential to know and feel your own glow
And make first attractions simply mental
Acquaintance the proper channels
To know that friends are what we strive to be
You canít work my kind of job,
I have to Survive Me

I turned thirteen in the Spring and,
Growing into my teens
When I was left alone
I did my own thing
I was in and out of a zone
At a time when music was Flow
A rap was a verse
A verse sung in high notes,
An expression you feel
I explored the need to write
I rehearsed in my mind
I pressed play and rewind
Line by line,
Intimacy with words that rhyme
What was written was a vision
But I was blind to its definition
I learned what it meant to me
Even though others had a different image of what I was born to be
My style, was defined
My gift, was bound to shine
Two worlds combined there
Call me a ďhoodĒ narcoleptic, raised in Upper St. Clair
I was the birth of something right
Music was in the streets
Even pain had its own beat
I became, in tune
An escape from a norm
I wanted to be different
A way of life, I adored
I loved the thump in a trunk
I thought of ways to relate
From 13 to High School
I was deep in my ways
I walked to my own beat
I became, an emcee
Someone caught a moment and turned it into somethingí hot
I remember when, I grew up loving Hip Hop..

I got a scholarship to Hell..
My flight leaves at nine
The day I lost my life
I made the decision to decide
A path dimly lit
I fell into a puddle of tears
Spent years doing wrong
Iím so sick of going through it...

I got a scholarship to Hell..
My last day is coming near
The night I thought it over
I was overcome by fear
So afraid of the dark
Not eager for light
I paid my soul to walk
Dying from my own hands might...

I got a scholarship to Hell..
I think Iím on my own
Funny, I had friends
At my weakest time, Iím all alone
Iíve learned to fight tears
Iíve burned relationships that were dear
How do you spend time building good months
That turn into bad years...

I got a scholarship to Hell..
I donít think I can breathe
My air is thick with pain
I donít think I can see
Blind to an image I was born to be
Surviving me is rough
Iím in need of work, my flesh is weak

I got a scholarship to Hell..
When will I see you again?
Things I wanted to say are gone
I kept my feelings within
I am nothing from something
Iím trying to find my way
I had to get to Hell
So I could tell God about my day
He never gave up on me
He was always by my side
I got a scholarship to Hell,
But God cancelled my flight...

We have a Happy Home
But jealousy kept US together
Everybody wants what we have,
Nobody wants to be alone in any weather
We gotta Happy Home

Together out of convenience
Just when I think itís getting better
Iím not equipped to weather the storm
Whether for better or worse,
My mind and heart were torn
I am, a woman scorned
We gotta Happy Home

I cried and lied for you
Now, I wanna hide from you
I walked in stride WITH you
I felt no PRIDE with you
I gave my shine to you
I wouldíve walked that line with you
Told myself a thousand times
ďI can spend my life with youĒ
We gotta Happy Home

NO justice with cause
My LIFE was on PAUSE
I needed something resolved
Problem after the next
Nothing was gettiní solved
Conversations linger for days
Nobodyís changing their ways
Nobodyís beggin to stay
DAMN! Whatís LOVE sellin these days?!
We gotta Happy Home

At times when, I was so in love then
But at times I felt a rage
A rage that developed to PAIN
A pain that sent a shot like a 12 gauge
Something filled my veins with blades
Donít touch me, YOU can cut WE
And fuck me up worse that it sounds on this page, YOU love ME?
We had a Happy Home

Communication broken, everyday Iím choking
I am hopin you know what Iím flowin
Is simply showin my focus on what I do
And what I DO, is no longer YOU
I knew what this was coming to and I lied
I wont consider your feelings this time
We had a Happy Home,
This is why Iím goneÖ

What I want from you, is
What I wanna do
Lighten up the mood
I need to get through to you
You got one foot out the door
And you know you wanna do more
I wanna exercise my right to explore
I wanna soothe the intensity
That immensely, got me feelin heavenly
Thinking of extremities,
Resting against meÖ

What I want from you, is
YouÖ.and, all that you stand for
All that you are, all that you know
Youíre a star, by far
The pleasure is mine to have met your acquaintance
Iím stunned
I wanna run my hand down the small of your back
In fact,
I need to break you down, penetrate your brain
And, quite possibly, your frame
Until you say my name

Thatís what I want from you,
This is what I wanna do
And what I wanna do,
Is what youíre wantin too
So, do what you please with me and the fruits of my labor
And I most certainly, will return the favor.

The more I think about it,
The more I canít do without it
My hearts been crowded before
Tied up loose ends, but now its seems Iím wantin more
Iím not known to stress simple things, I keep it real
But if Love wasnít complicated
Itís be too easy to say how I feel
And how I feel, is worked up
And what I wanna do, is work you out
Bending rules of engagement
Eventually, turning you out
Right now, youíre burning with doubt
Not knowing if Iím true or checkin you
Of thinking of only sexing you, but thatís not what this is about
Youíre afraid of my intentions
Youíre confused on what Iím saying
Youíre delaying in your responses
Frustrated about my aim and whoís the target
I am, feeling you
I want to do for you
I call it how it is, I wanna love you for you
I wanna caress your mind until your hearts in tune with mine
Soon, youíll find out whatís inside but,
All in due time right?
I wanna seduce your frame in so many different places
Until I serenade your spot in 5 different languages
But, I canít keep it goin til you showin that you want it,
So, until you introduce the moment
I just gotta ease back until Iím chosen

When I express, I lift this feeling off my chest
I must stress,
Iím the best, at what I do
And what I wanna do, is get into you
And once Iím in it, Iím winniní
Your spirit talks to my soul, I hear it
Asking to walk with my stride
Basking in pride
To have the pleasure of you by my side
Donít lie,
Youíve never been approached like this,
We never spoke like this
When I sing my note, I choke
But I need to keep my focus
If I donít, Iím broke and hopeless
I want you to know when we have spoken
So if you wanna start composing
Let me know if Iím chosen
I wanna seize the moment til its golden
Until our parallel is uncontrolled and,
This aint about sex, I just want your mind to be open
I want the timing frozen
Until your heart and mind agree
That what youíre looking for
Has always been inside of me
We live to share and tease
We fight for words to speak
If we learn to wait for love
It gets easier to breathe
Youíve been hurting, I see
Are you nervous to know, itís just me?
Iíve been waiting with patience
Just for you to notice me
Now that I have your attention
Id like to mention my name and what I do best
Iím what you wanna do, the How and When
I am..a spontaneous express

Some say that age has made a difference in me
It means I no longer have to employ a faÁade, a disease
Spreading fast and its not breaking up
Some call it infatuation
But, I call it-tainted love
A strange love,
No stimulation to the brain love
It never asks but always tells
It would rather laugh than help
A love that takes a heart rather than sell
I might as well say itís a love raised in Hell
It has no bounds, no limitations
No reservations on who it keeps
In the pursuit of misery, it politically speaks instead of teach
There is no limit to its reach
It can even catch up to the company you keep
It moves in action, leaving you no time to think, it loves a chase
Hard to say no to perfection when sheís standing face to face
A lesson we all need
A vision we all see
Real loves needs balance
But we all seem to compete
She is for Him, He is for me
Nothing is set in stone
What you wonít do for them
Someone will do it the most

I am without saying
I have no definition
What I canít be, is handled
I donít follow superstitions
I am the shape of life
With a high capacity for love
One taste starts the chase
Iím a sentimental kind of drug
I rest beneath your veins
I can be stubborn in my ways
The way I flow on a page
Keeps me in your mind for days
The way my kind was made
Makes me a special breed
I say what most cant
Iím what youíve always wanted to be
Honest and sympathetic
I am the reason for temptation
I save hearts from breakin
From a love with limitations
Do I have your attention?
You are so quick to fall for lies
When will you rise?
For truth and independence
Iím at home in your skin
At first glance, Iím no surprise
You can find me anywhere
A blessing in disguise
I am, Liquefied

Magically, we bask in we
Love is on top of me
Every breath I take is measured in weight
We are truly we
We speak so fluently
At times, you consume me
With everything that you do to me
I canít tell if weíre tight
Or if we fit together loosely
I can take the pain
But you bruise easily
Every word spoken is a song
And your tune is new to me
We never had a chance to meet
But you bring out the freak in me
First impressions can be your first mistake
I canít apologize for my past
Itís made me tough to break
But once Iím broken Iím open
And quite soft to the touch
Intoxicating when we make love or laughter
Our first debate you had me captured
Raptured in your love from the way you greeted me
I feel brand new, involved and mystified
When we met, I was in pieces
And now, I am solidified

In life, we loose sight with eyes wide open
Our eyes are showin the reason for us, the reason to be
You canít succeed at being you if I donít believe in me
We canít be pleased with letting things just be
So we, brag on what we can do
Nobody can beat you at being you
But you refuse to believe what youíre proven to be
A prophecy lived through the prophet that knew you could be
Whatever you wanted to be
You must have a disciplined heart and most donít have enough
Sometimes, I wonder
If He created the emotion, are we disciplined in love?
With a spirit through conversation, with patience in waiting for love shown by a lover
But frustrated on when to love our sisters and brothers
Aggravated to show respect to our father and mother
Sometimes we are all hard rocks
Weíve perpetrated and canít stop
Weíve tried to be in disguise
Not noticing a compromise
That if you decide to know me, you might find what I hide
Whatís dark comes to the light
And your past can be a path for future minds to grab and reach past
We all make the same mistakes
We think and create with grace
We think, break and invent with fists balled and teeth clenched
Survivors are another chance to make a stand
Against persecution, against the fundamentals of an institution
Then we wonder why we are under
With a government as an illusion
And those with hope feel abandoned
To think we are in control with no bars to hold
No lies to be told
So, you say you feel me
Sometimes you never hear me, but I am a beat
A beat that creeps on souls to speak
Tell me why your soul wonít teach
A boy to be a man
A girl, to know her shit
Time is kept in mind
But a mind like mine still needs time, to grow
It knows no limits
It has no expectations
Some times, is time itself
With the power to build a nation

Can we talk when the time is chosen?
All I need is a moment
I cant breathe when I'm holdin, all thatís inside of me
Iím choking
I know the truth can hurt so, for what its worth, I apologize
For all the things that were said
For all the times I played with your head
I was doin me instead of sharing our bed
You were waiting, so patient
While I was playing and trying to stall
Youíre a born freak, and normally
This would fall under withdrawal
But youíre still here and others canít amount to what you give
I was dead inside and all you wanted me to do was live
You knew some of my past and what I said I cant do
At times I acted as if I couldnít stand you
But looking back at it now,
Damn, I had other plans and lost my chance with you
I shouldíve known what youíve been through
I shouldíve shown that I loved you
I love you, I do
Tell me how to prove it to you
Tell me its okay because you love me too
Ask me whatever you want
Ask me for anything and Iíll do my best to give it to you
Tell me its not too late
Tell me this is not our fate
Tell me we can mend what made your heart breakÖ.

What take this time to coincide?
Why do you care now, about whatís been on my mind
I know you didnít love m, I knew what you cared about
I was waiting for you to be honest with yourself and figure it out
You kept giving me doubts
While I was giving you me
I felt the backslide, when you turned your back on me, WHY?
Now Iím no longer in your reach but you wanna practice what I teach
I taught to relax and just breathe
I taught you how to just be
I showed you age aint shit
But you missed the lesson on how to love me
You know nothing of genuine love
You donít understand or respect
Like your two children, blessed and pure
But their problem with you was neglect
I tied loose ends to prove I was different
You were loose with taking and too tight with giving
Now look who youíre missin
I told you to let go of your fears
I tried not to let it show
But I was unhappy for years
I knew they were coming but I couldnít stop the tears
And it wasnít getting better
Not the break up, I mean when we were still together
You still donít know our connection?
And what made me stay?
Well, listen to thisÖ
I was built to love deep
Even if it meant putting up with your shit.

A breeze in the wind
A thought from within
Insane stops when rain drops
We all get caught in sin
A soul is lost,
But I wasnít taught to give in
They gave life and I made life
She is, a gift for the giving
Praise to, I made you
I hope and pray for you
Every day that Iím away
Please know that mommy wanted to stay with you
The way you,
Look into my eyes
No faÁade, no disguise
I am set free
A mother on her grind
In time baby, you will see
The night you were born to me
The life I was forced to see
I had to let go of that fear
So I had to hold you near
Knowing that we just survived one helluva year
You will receive more of me
My all is for you
I must stand tall when I fall from truth
Although standing at all can be hard to do
Youíre everything I thought I wanted
Youíre more than the cause of what I do
I canít wait for the day
I get to pass the torch to you

With Love,

In one moment of despair,
The truth lies there
A path lit with pain
But no light shines here
In the moment of a lie
The truth lies there
A block scorned from pain, one shot-a bloodstain
In a moment of love
The truth lies there
Filled with hate and blatant attention
Your name, I wonít mention
In one moment of weakness
The truth lies there
One touch leads to more lust
But I canít seem to do enough
In a moment of your apologies
The truth lies there
We keep goin through it like fluid
I left people like you in ruins
In a moment of death
The truth stays there
Your soul is gone, tainted spirit is left
I have no regards to even right the rest,

I saw it coming through the clouds
Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide
The kind of light we donít speak of
It dwells within
No escape when itís in your own skin
There will be Hell to pay, so Iím broke from pain
In this world Iím living in
I can only be what I am
Only I have the power to change
But if I am what I am
How do I have the power to re-arrange?
My thoughts are fears
And they grow in silence
I canít be alone
My flesh burns with violence
Pleasure in pain
Each measures in vain
I admit to your mistakes
So my weather is a storm for days
I can no longer hold back
I have to let you know
I have scars on my back
And now I have to let them show
Look what youíve done to me
Now you run from me
Not even money can pay the bill for my soul, so you gave up on loving me
Dark light takes its toll
But I am getting stronger
This rain canít last much longer
I am getting better with time
I can almost feel my sunshine
Revenge is Godís, Peace is mine

I am not a faint heart
I make no hesitation for commitment
I know things you donít
I am alone in silence
I am good company to keep
I do things you wont
I believe in you when you donít believe in yourself
I have always been here
I have always been searching
I need a place of comfort
My love comes from my heart
My passion comes from my soul
My ambition comes from within
My friendship is composed in my spirit
I was meant to meet you
I never meant to want you
But I know that I need you
I have secrets, if exposed, I could break
If told, not by mistake
I wanted you to know
I had to let my scars show
So my feelings you would always know
I was built to love deep
God wanted me to show
A talent, a gift, a performance unknown
My audience is the world
The world is my words
My words are open, my thoughts are spoken
I have no bars to hold me
I am as free as I want to be
I see with eyes shut
I feel with open arms
I am a protector
I can keep you from harm
I like who Iíve become
I knew what I would be
A tortured soul who learned to walk
I have done good deeds
I keep enemies close
I hold onto my friends and never let them go
If they are in need, I am there to give
I know that you love me
Thatís what it means to truly live
I am on my own, you are my witness indeed
Each day of each week of every month of every year,
I am Me

Iíve seen it for so long
I made a right at the fork in the road,
But, I was wrong
I was left with a warm spirit and a cold heart
Voices in my head, I hear it
But I was told to part
Ways, dark days turned into sharp rays
No heat, No me
I donít exist, just a soul engraved
I paid my way to have my own detour to Hell
No calls, no visits
What a story to tell
Bright shade, I made, this bed-I have to lay
When it rains, it pours
Day after day
Its warm outside, but its cold within
My kind of sunshine is a storm of sin
Iím torn from kin,
Scorned and limp
Iím on strike four, but I canít do more for a win
If you try and save me
Maybe, Iíll wait
Or maybe Iíll take what I need
Cause Iím in need of a break
Donít judge me, this is my fate
Donít touch me before I wake
Donít love me, I just told you why
You canít survive my cold sunshine

Funny, mistakes WE make
Love IS simple
Its people, that complicate
Itís US that drives misery to its destination
NOT whatís in our life, our circumstance, our situations
Its YOU that chose to cheat, what a life
You should blame yourself
NOT what lacks in your wife
Love IS simple
Its people that make it hard
YOU ARE the reason YOU ARE alone
Itís your light that shines in the dark
Love IS simple
Its people that cause its demise
Its YOU that runs from YOUR problems
Its your cop out-your suicide
YOU made a choice
YOU have a voice
Stop blaming true friends who are not supposed to leave your side
Love IS simple
Its people that are blind
If I think sex is overrated
How can you make love to my mind?
Love IS simple
Its people that gave it a bad name
Itís not a game, no rules to live by
This is why I AM different
This is why, I have always been by your side

I am simply spent
Time was never spent
In and out of you
In and out of my mind
My soul has been drained
Iím no longer holding on
I knew my verse so well
But Iím not in tune with my song
My silence has its own personality
My rain is my atonality
Iíve ascertained emancipation
Of self, motives and fact
Funny, my blood is red
But the soul of my rose is black
My steps washed away
My balance is now a sway
Each measure was made with pleasure
Now my havoc seems to be ďokayĒ
You knew me once
I was me, back then
My grief turned to joy
My happiness turned to chapped skin
I am the breeze in winter
I am the storm in spring
What I have, I still want
I over stand what you think
So fluent with fluid
In a movement, I am pursuant
Not in a rush to head home,
Cause I still have that glow
Youíve always brought me sunshine
I am the raindrops on a rose

The apple of my eye
I disguise what I hide within
What I try, is a sin
When I lie, itís a win
When I give in, whatís given is pure
Now my living is secure and I live-in no more
Iím off punishment from playing on Hellís block
Iím out of a rage with no scars
Iíve stayed to tell you why
You tell me no, I say-ďYes, this is meĒ
This is my part of ďweĒ
I had to be open
I had to start showin
Why you chose someone already chosen
To do right, but Iíve been wrong
To live life, when Iíve taken one
Tell me how to love
Show me how to wait
Its all on the table, this is my vow to make

Like, strings on a guitar
These things, stringsÖwhat a feeling it brings
Like notes on a page
They play, notesÖa serenade
Of love, like songs of the heart
I hear songs made and torn apart,
From the womb
Consumed with, more like die-luted
Misconstruing the fine tuning of an,
From a grain,
Naked with no shame, no pain
We laid, with grace, oblivious
We are two, made with one rib
Like, strings on a guitar
These things, stringsÖsomething together, we are nothing
Like, notes on a page
They play, our tune was made and our fruit was named,
Like, songs of the heart
We heard, our mission, one kiss andÖ.it started the rain while we played,
In the dark, and
Here you are
So perfect from birthing, you are
A star, like, stringsÖon my guitar

Together on a whim
A sudden burst from within
Could this be what I feel
So easy to give in
I met love a time or two
Weíve talked in dreams on a bayou
We ran through past times
Even now, the woman Iíve come to
Be, my being is complicated
Surrounded in a simple shell
All you have to do is ask
And the truth I will tell
I will never hold back
My words are how I react
My actions speak in volumes
But you couldnít hold my weight
You thought I was surreal
So you made the decision to wait
I will never walk away
Iím not a season, I was meant to stay
Maybe you werenít meant to change
But we were meant to meet
But if my feelings stress you out
Maybe we were meant to teach,
Each other to hold back
We can still build and keep intact
Maybe this is just a test
To see how we react
But I need you to know,
Aint nobody deeper than me
I love you from your skin tone to the air that you breathe
I love the way we touch
My love has a height no body can climb
Every moment I spend with you, is always like the first time
You have a special ring tone,
IÖcantÖI wont let go
Some use it as a catchy phrase
But you have me more and more with each ďhelloĒ
I cant, I wont let go
Iíve waited for a time to shine
I always make others flock
But itís always been you on my mind
I know this happened fast
I know that youíre not ready
But you still want me in your life
If we have to start as friends
Id rather be a best friend to my wife

There is only one happiness in Life,
To love and be loved.
So, if asked why I love her, I would say
Itís the sway in her hips,
The thickness in her thighs,
Itís the lust in her lips,
The Love in her eyes.
Itís the softness of her skin,
The silk in her hair
Itís the twist in her walk
The sweetness in her talk
Itís the way she loves me
That makes me love her, each day.
Each day of each week, I pray when she speaks
That her voice will never end, her lips remain mine
My choice will always begin with her name before mine
I thirst for your reaction, I want you to believe
That all you know you want, is all you need in me
And all you need in me, is everything I knew I could be
A family, a foundation, the building blocks of Forever,
Without a doubt
Believe me when I say: ďLove, is smiling on the inside and out

This is, without question..a love message
To you, I want it to travel through you
And meet at the center of it all
Itís the best of us all
My better half is your best part,
I am writing to your heart

Love is simplified
Itís the butterflies we feel right now
To give a piece of my peace to you
This feels right, so I write now
All of my past, all of the now, is my truths to you
How can you, feel bad when this is good
Why should you, not be all you can
Say you will, and Iíd give the world to you, if I could
You are worth the time
You are worthy of good love
You are so much more than you think
A better euphoria than what I roll or whatís in this drink

This is, without question, a love message to you
All I am, All I do, is just because of you
High and low tones, hard and soft moans
This is from my heart, not a conversation on the phone
I am always writing, I am writing to lift you up
You need to kick high with all your might
And leave your doubts in the dust
This isÖlove

When I look at you, Iím into you
In two moods, happy and true
How do two,
People with equal hearts
Become one that cant even part
Ways, of life, issues at hand
All of the nonsense cant doesnít exist when we glance
One word, one look, is all it takes
To create a night of the love we make
Kisses of it, lay on my lips
Like chapstick bliss, this is a kiss of our life
You breathed into my soul and thawed the ice
I cant even let go, Iím on solid ground
Look at us now and the love we found
Pleasure in pain, every measure is saved
I write to you exactly what I wanna say
How I feel and what I put out is true
And itís all given back to me with every day spent with you,
I love youÖI truly do

A swollen face tells a thousand tales
A broken hand has hit a thousand nails
A broken foot has walked a thousand miles
But a swollen lip has never made a smile
A tortured soul has never seen the light of God
The eye of the blind, has never seen life pause
I wonder why, when they make you cry, its pain that lets you know youíre alive
Some think its ego, some think its pride
What doesnít kill you only makes you die inside
Knowing what youíre worth, is only half the fight
You have to know youíre worth living
Stop crying, get up and live your life
Donít let them hold you down
Donít let them think youíre alone
I know youíre a rock
But you are not a stepping-stone
Let them see you walk
Let them hear you talk
Let them know you saved yourself
This is the beginning, you will not stop
And should you fall again, please remember this and then
Rise up and donít look back
Rise up to walk again
Walk and talk with God
He saved your soul from your own Hell
So let them know what they donít know
Let this be the story you tell

My heart has a beat
Each track is a slow wind
Each note is a right
So, I write for freedom

My blood has a past
My veins were replaced
You try to break my wall down
My past has made another being and we canít be replaced

My frame is a shell
I cannot be broken
My pride is my name
My identity was chosen
Growing pains, no ones change
I front my own bill
My pride is my name
You canít fit it, live it or kill

I sing to you, when I feel the need
I sang about you when you made my heart bleed
I turned to you, when my mind was heavy
Id go through life with you, if only youíd let me
I ran to you, whenever you were in need
I was right there, if only you could see me
Id walk a thousand miles if I had to get to you
I wouldíve never seen your smile if I hadnít met you
I loved you then, I loved you when, you were in anotherís arms
I loved you then, I loved you when, you took me for granted
I loved you then, I loved you when, you thought that you were damaged
I was there then and damn, Iím still here now and I donít know how
I told you I loved deep, but I think I underestimated me
Cause I loved you then and I love you now, but, who is loving me?
You canít answer me
Why do you stare at me?
I guess truth is a reality that you canít even stand to be
I plan to be, a blur in your vision
I can no longer be around if youíre having superstitions
I am not your mess
I am not your tragedy
I was loving you inside
While your pride would laugh at me
Iíve been through this before and shouldíve seen it coming
Glamorous riches are selfish bitches
You came from the same trenches; I thought your appetite was stunning
But you fooled me into thinking that you really needed me
But what you needed me to be, was to secretly agree that there was no and me
I told you how I loved but you underestimated me
Cause I loved you then and I hate you now, but, who is sticking up for me?
Whoís big enough to see that I only want to ďbeĒ
I just want to exist, in a mind without hesitance
Without the disbelief, that we deserve the finer things
Iím a fight and a lover, what the fuck you bringiní me?
I thought long, my thoughts are strong, and I know what I plan to do
Thereís no way you couldíve loved me,
Cause you aint even lovin you!

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