Louie interviews God and receives an earful of what God really thinks about
man, the universe, and explanations of why God has done what He has done.
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Are the days of "God speaks to Man" a relic of the past? Not according to Louie Lawent, who at the turn of the new millennium landed a series of exclusive interviews with The Supreme Being. Louie grills God about his checkered career, but it's done benignly and a frustrated Creator makes a good case for himself - well, most of the time. The interviews cover biblical happenings, His propensity to smite, evolution, pop culture, and a God who believes He's the victim of a disinformation campaign. It's "The Far Side" meets "The Thinker" meets the "Frat Boy." A God who considered creation "a good day in the hood."
What Hollywood director would God choose to direct his life story? What part do the Three Stooges play in the Rapture? What about his pet peeves? How do Americans amaze God? What's his favorite political joke? Did the aliens really land at Roswell? A God not exactly enamored by the human race.
Louie: What is your real opinion of people?
God: They're like radio songs that are fine for the car ride home, but you'd never purchase them to be part of your master collection.
Louie: Do you have a guidebook to help make your decisions on Judgment
God: The Starr Report is any good God's starting point.
God remarks, "I don't think I could be elected God. I'd lose to some would-be savior who said, 'Read my lips - No more sense of shame.' We have occasional pep rallies in heaven. While years ago they sang rousing psalms of 'God for eternity' now I get a qualified endorsement of '4 more years, 4 more years.'"
Louie: What's a little-known fact about you.
God: I put virtual reality ketchup on my steak.
God: It's a cultural thing - the way I raised myself
Louie: How many times did you create the universe?
God: Numerous. As a creator I didn't want to toy, but the focus
groups were brutal. Their concerns were about inanities such as light
and shadow and the periods of time between a comet's visibility. So to
prove I was a flex God, I relented. However, make no mistake, I only go
so far. I'm a bend but not break God.
Louie: At anti-Satan pep rallies, what do heavenites shout?
God: "Beat LA, Beat LA."
Louie: Given that the universe is 13 billion years old, how did it take
you so long to come up with man?
God: Who's to say I didn't create previous universes where I went fast
and man turned out even worse than today's version. Maybe I gave up on
the Microsoft approach and worked the bugs out before the release date.