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D. Kenneth Ross

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Total Self-Confidence
by D. Kenneth Ross   

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Books by D. Kenneth Ross
· Freedom In Peril
· Raw Talent
· Ordered Solutions
· Starting From Zero
                >> View all

Category: 

Inspirational

Publisher:  RMSE ISBN-10:  totalselfconfidence Type: 
Pages: 

110


Non-Fiction

TSC along with Starting From Zero are the basis for my motivational course. Ross Motivational Sales and Confidence.



Ross Motivational Sales Education-

Preface

We all are able to see the people with Total Self-Confidence.

The strange thing is, when you talk to them, you know their education isn’t that much better than yours, if any better at all. They’re good, bright, people but hey, so are you. What’s the deal here? ... you might be asking yourself.

Look a little closer. Do you see how they engage almost everyone they talk to in positive give and take? Do you notice they don’t have anything negative to say about anyone? They seem to have great friends, good people around them to work with, and you never see them wasting their time with negative ideas or people.

And therein lies the key. They are positive success motivated people. They are always spending their time with those people who have similar attitudes and work habits. In short, they have Total Self-Confidence

Trust me when I tell you, what they have, this self-confidence they exude, is a learned state of mind. They work at this constantly because they know, the more they project this positive self-image, the more positive things come their way. If you take the time to examine their lives, you will find they spend a good deal of time honing their skills of communication, leadership, attitude and organization. They have prepared themselves for their own success. And sometimes they’ve done this even before they were actually sure what it was that they would be so successful at. You can do this yourself, faster than you consider possible. How?

Simple, here’s how:

I have spent over forty years in the sales business and have had available to me, over all those years, each and every one of the success techniques the majority of these people possess. I can teach you what they have learned, by trial and error, in as little as six short weeks, and with much less cost than what they’ve spent. If your using this book now and not browsing it at the bookstore, you’ve already made your total investment.

It’s true! Total Self-Confidence is a straightforward, teachable, skill and is easily learned. You can break down the barriers that you thought stood between you and major success with the application of the principles of self-confidence that I will teach you.

What’s more you don’t have to pay an arm and a leg for individual lessons for each of the twelve lessons for Total Self-Confidence I have purposely put them in this convenient spiral bound book that you can use to learn and to notate within, so that the powerful concepts you will learn are all available to you whenever you need them. .

Over the years I’ve spent more than ten thousand dollars listening to the masters of salesmanship and all those positive thinking gurus in the world. And believe me I have sifted through some real nonsense to get down to the nitty-gritty of what it’s really all about.

If ever in the history of this country, there was a need for something as powerful as this work, it’s right now. Young adults, even children, and older adults can begin to build Total Self-Confidence within the time it takes to read through this book. Then, after practicing the principles to refine them, the results can be staggering.

I know these principles work because they’ve worked for me for many years now. There is absolutely no reason they won’t work just as well for you.

Note:

This edition of Total Self Confidence, was completed five months to the day before the September Eleventh, 2001, tragedies in New York City and Washington, D.C..

To say those tragedies have affected the lives and the mind-set of all Americans is an understatement.

We all now know, there is an evil masquerading as a religious movement which is called Jihad, a Holy War against unbelievers. This evil claims to be a part of the Muslim religion. But, no self-respecting Muslim would ever associate themselves with this kind of fanaticism.

Originally this book was dedicated to my family for their support of my efforts to bring an inexpensive method of attaining Total Self-Confidence to help anyone prepare themself for their future life and its many challenges.

I know my family will not mind if I rededicate this work to all those who lost their lives or were injured in those mindless and cowardly attacks. All those except the perpetrators, of course.

The cowards who committed their acts of suicide will face God and will certainly not receive the welcome they wrongly convinced themselves was their due.

I firmly believe all of us, as free people, have the obligation to teach ourselves and our children how to be strong advocates of our way of life as free people. In order to do that we must have Total Self Confidence in our abilities.

To the memory of those innocent lives so tragically wasted by vicious unconscionable barbarians masquerading as a Holy Jihad movement.

We will not forget September 11, 2001.

  

LESSON ONE:

SELF-CONFIDENCE UNDERSTOOD

For the purposes of this course Total Self-Confidence should be thought of as the ability to accept one’s own judgment, after considering the available facts, to pursue a course of action without self-doubt.

There is no assertion of being unfailingly correct, only that, after diligent consideration of ones’ own judgment of the facts, a course of action is determined. There is no writing in stone that says a view or a plan of action, cannot be altered if subsequent facts indicate the necessity.

Total Self-Confidence

:. RULE ONE: Begin, as of now, to be a decisive person and act accordingly. Start with something, perhaps in your job that everyone talks about doing but no one appears to want to take the time to do. If, in your judgment, this is something that needs to be done for the good of the office, start there. It may be something as minor as a break schedule that keeps someone on the office floor at all times, or a manual that needs to be written for simple procedures for beginners. A small caution here: Get permission, if it’s not in your scope of authority.

(If you are a student in High School or college look for something in one of your classes that might make that class easier for students to grasp, make a proposal to your teacher to take on the job assignment of creating a way to make that change happen.)

Realize there will always be someone who will question why you took the initiative, so be decisive without being defensive. Understand, some people question only because they want to learn or because they themselves are motivated to help improve the working environment. Eventually you will develop a sense for this trait in others and you will be able to make them a strong ally because you are willing to give them insight into their own work.

On the other hand, if someone is attempting to call your work into question. Phrase your response as a question, "I’m curious, what is your objection?"- you’ll find out if they have a legitimate objection, possibly another more efficient way to do the same thing.

Or, if their intention is simply to demean your work, the question obligates them to explain their own reasoning. Your decisive action controls the situation. If a better way surfaces, your original action creates that possibility.

What we are trying to accomplish here, is a beginning for you. A starting point for developing your Total Self-Confidence.

Here‘s one I‘m sure you see and hear a lot. Maybe you go through this with your spouse or significant other?

"Where shall we eat tonight, hon?"

"Gee, I don’t know. You pick."

"You never make a choice."

And on it goes until one or the other of you finally makes a decision. By the time you get to where your going to eat you’ve lost your appetite. Don’t ruin another pleasant night out with this. Try it this way:

You make the decision, "Let’s go to Joe’s, or The Eatery tonight, ok ?" (hopefully you have some better restaurant names than these)

If your spouse chooses one over the other you’ve saved a long ordeal. If he or she still won’t make the choice, simply get in the car and go to one or the other. I guarantee a satisfying night!

You avoided making your partner tense by making the decision for them and you have asserted yourself without a confrontation.

There are many things in this category, such as, paying bills on time, making doctor or dental appointments when the need arises, inspections for homes or cars, etc. all those things we try and postpone and then they end up nagging us constantly.

Did you know, the stress of allowing ourselves the anguish this procrastination causes is a detriment to our health? It’s easier to make the decision to do it as soon as it arises. Try it!

At this point, we’re not talking about make-or-break decisions. You are training yourself to make decisions as they come up. The idea, of course, is to overcome any tendency toward procrastination.

As a result, when the bigger situations arise you will find yourself much more relaxed and at ease with the decision making process. If you start this process now you will thank yourself many times over for it.

:. RULE TWO:If you make a mistake with a decision, admit it and move on.

You are not infallible. Everyone makes mistakes and you are no exception. The more important factor is how you handle the knowledge that you made a mistake.

You shouldn’t be so indifferent as to appear you have no regard or concern about the mistake, but you don’t need to feel that the entire world is going to come to a screeching halt because of it.

Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, correct any effects you can, and move on.

Disregard those people who want to condemn you for your mistakes. They want you to believe you are, somehow, flawed and a lesser person. Realize this: If they weren’t flawed themselves they wouldn’t need to put you on a guilt trip.

The only obligation you have to a person like this is to stay completely away from them whenever you can. Give them a wide birth and leave them to their own negativity. You don’t have time for it.

Mistakes are how we learn. We have the right to make them and to learn from them. Being made to feel inferior for making them only impedes the process.

Learn to recognize the people willing to assist you in correcting your errors as opposed to those who try to use them against you.

: RULE THREE: Keep a journal.

If you don’t already have a diary or some sort of daily log you keep, start one now.

Record the decisions you make during the course of a day, a week, a month. Note in your log the effects of decisions you and others have made. Examine the reasoning and learn from it.

Look for your ability to make decisions to strengthen as you get used to making them. The log will help you with recognizing your feelings and learning experiences during the decision making process.

Note: This log is not just for keeping track of decisions, it is also for keeping track of events as they happen to you.

It should become an important part of your life. We will talk more of this in future chapters. It’s not an appointment book. You make your entries at the end of the day to see where you have been.

Much is said today about some leaders trapping themselves with tapes or journals of their daily work process. This may be true, but, I will guarantee you there are far more journals kept by leaders that expedite their learning and develop their confidence and skills necessary for the demands of their position.

Your own writing will trigger emotions necessary to more fully cement the learning process. This is why almost all successful people are committed to their importance.

Exercise:

Your assignment is to get their opinion(s) about decision making and self-confidence.

Here’s a list of questions you might ask them:

What are some of the points you weigh before you make a decision?

If their decision will effect someone negatively, is the process any different?

Where, exactly, does their own self confidence fit into the decision making process?

How do they handle making a mistake?

Do they keep a journal or log of events?

How has their decision making process changed with their growth as a leader?

This exercise is crucial in your development. You need to expose yourself, positively, to people you respect.

Don’t be afraid to tell them of this dynamic system you are learning. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how supportive most of those you interview will respond.

Exercise two

is the ability to reach a decision and act on it. The key word is action. People with self-confidence are decisive, action-oriented people. Their one distinguishing, common characteristic is a distaste for indecision. They are compelled to get on with it, whatever ‘it’ might be. [Interestingly, even if they assimilate at a slower rate than others who are less decisive, their ability to act decisively allows them more opportunities at trial and error. -- They will inevitably develop, keener, truer instincts.]

SELF-CONFIDENCE UNDERSTOOD

For the purposes of this course Total Self-Confidence should be thought of as the ability to accept one’s own judgment, after considering the available facts, to pursue a course of action without self-doubt.

There is no assertion of being unfailingly correct, only that, after diligent consideration of ones’ own judgment of the facts, a course of action is determined. There is no writing in stone that says a view or a plan of action, cannot be altered if subsequent facts indicate the necessity.

Total Self-Confidence

:. RULE ONE: Begin, as of now, to be a decisive person and act accordingly.

Start with something, perhaps in your job that everyone talks about doing but no one appears to want to take the time to do. If, in your judgment, this is something that needs to be done for the good of the office, start there. It may be something as minor as a break schedule that keeps someone on the office floor at all times, or a manual that needs to be written for simple procedures for beginners. A small caution here: Get permission, if it’s not in your scope of authority.

(If you are a student in High School or college look for something in one of your classes that might make that class easier for students to grasp, make a proposal to your teacher to take on the job assignment of creating a way to make that change happen.)

Realize there will always be someone who will question why you took the initiative, so be decisive without being defensive. Understand, some people question only because they want to learn or because they themselves are motivated to help improve the working environment. Eventually you will develop a sense for this trait in others and you will be able to make them a strong ally because you are willing to give them insight into their own work.

On the other hand, if someone is attempting to call your work into question. Phrase your response as a question, "I’m curious, what is your objection?"- you’ll find out if they have a legitimate objection, possibly another more efficient way to do the same thing.

Or, if their intention is simply to demean your work, the question obligates them to explain their own reasoning. Your decisive action controls the situation. If a better way surfaces, your original action creates that possibility.

What we are trying to accomplish here, is a beginning for you. A starting point for developing your Total Self-Confidence.

Here‘s one I‘m sure you see and hear a lot. Maybe you go through this with your spouse or significant other?

"Where shall we eat tonight, hon?"

"Gee, I don’t know. You pick."

"You never make a choice."

And on it goes until one or the other of you finally makes a decision. By the time you get to where your going to eat you’ve lost your appetite. Don’t ruin another pleasant night out with this. Try it this way:

You make the decision, "Let’s go to Joe’s, or The Eatery tonight, ok ?" (hopefully you have some better restaurant names than these)

If your spouse chooses one over the other you’ve saved a long ordeal. If he or she still won’t make the choice, simply get in the car and go to one or the other. I guarantee a satisfying night!

You avoided making your partner tense by making the decision for them and you have asserted yourself without a confrontation.

There are many things in this category, such as, paying bills on time, making doctor or dental appointments when the need arises, inspections for homes or cars, etc. all those things we try and postpone and then they end up nagging us constantly.

Did you know, the stress of allowing ourselves the anguish this procrastination causes is a detriment to our health? It’s easier to make the decision to do it as soon as it arises. Try it!

At this point, we’re not talking about make-or-break decisions. You are training yourself to make decisions as they come up. The idea, of course, is to overcome any tendency toward procrastination.

As a result, when the bigger situations arise you will find yourself much more relaxed and at ease with the decision making process. If you start this process now you will thank yourself many times over for it.

:. RULE TWO:

If you make a mistake with a decision, admit it and move on.

You are not infallible. Everyone makes mistakes and you are no exception. The more important factor is how you handle the knowledge that you made a mistake.

You shouldn’t be so indifferent as to appear you have no regard or concern about the mistake, but you don’t need to feel that the entire world is going to come to a screeching halt because of it.

Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, correct any effects you can, and move on.

Disregard those people who want to condemn you for your mistakes. They want you to believe you are, somehow, flawed and a lesser person. Realize this: If they weren’t flawed themselves they wouldn’t need to put you on a guilt trip.

The only obligation you have to a person like this is to stay completely away from them whenever you can. Give them a wide birth and leave them to their own negativity. You don’t have time for it.

Mistakes are how we learn. We have the right to make them and to learn from them. Being made to feel inferior for making them only impedes the process.

Learn to recognize the people willing to assist you in correcting your errors as opposed to those who try to use them against you.

: RULE THREE: Keep a journal.

If you don’t already have a diary or some sort of daily log you keep, start one now.

Record the decisions you make during the course of a day, a week, a month. Note in your log the effects of decisions you and others have made. Examine the reasoning and learn from it.

Look for your ability to make decisions to strengthen as you get used to making them. The log will help you with recognizing your feelings and learning experiences during the decision making process.

Note: This log is not just for keeping track of decisions, it is also for keeping track of events as they happen to you.

It should become an important part of your life. We will talk more of this in future chapters. It’s not an appointment book. You make your entries at the end of the day to see where you have been.

Much is said today about some leaders trapping themselves with tapes or journals of their daily work process. This may be true, but, I will guarantee you there are far more journals kept by leaders that expedite their learning and develop their confidence and skills necessary for the demands of their position.

Your own writing will trigger emotions necessary to more fully cement the learning process. This is why almost all successful people are committed to their importance.

Exercise:

Your assignment is to get their opinion(s) about decision making and self-confidence.

Here’s a list of questions you might ask them:

What are some of the points you weigh before you make a decision?

If their decision will effect someone negatively, is the process any different?

Where, exactly, does their own self confidence fit into the decision making process?

How do they handle making a mistake?

Do they keep a journal or log of events?

How has their decision making process changed with their growth as a leader?

This exercise is crucial in your development. You need to expose yourself, positively, to people you respect.

Don’t be afraid to tell them of this dynamic system you are learning. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how supportive most of those you interview will respond.

Exercise two

LESSON TWO

Have you ever noticed how some speakers are so relaxed when they are communicating with an audience you almost feel as though they are talking directly to you? They seem to exude self-confidence.

You don’t have to be envious of them. You can demonstrate those exact same qualities with just a little practice. As you develop your own self-confidence you will become more and more adept at these seemingly difficult moments.

I’m going to give you some tools to work with when you have to give a report, a speech, or subject yourself to an interview for a job or a promotion.

You might feel that you have enough trouble with one-on-one situations without throwing speech-making into the mix.

#1 Appearance:

I usually don’t wear a pocket kerchief but they’re okay too. I feel good, look half-way decent, (as decent as my looks will permit, ha). So I’m in an up-beat mood and I’m ready to go. Hey, this really relaxes me and it’s just another way to build my own self-confidence.

Therein lies the key. Your appearance is a confidence builder. Use it to your advantage. If your are comfortable in three piece suits, start there. This is strictly a personal thing. It’s your ‘shtick’, as the entertainers say. Listen, if you are comfortable in jeans and a sport shirt then do it! But:

You should give some concern to who your audience is and allow for this,

If you feel good about yourself at the beginning, your chances of impressing your listener(s) are that much better. As a general rule, unless you are a stand-up comic don’t dress to distract. Neat and clean are always primary.

#2 Preparation:

If you use notes, put them on easy to handle sheets. -- There is nothing so distracting as a speaker who loses his or her place and then spends five minutes looking for the right page.

Space your notes well enough apart so they are easily read. A little practice with looking back and forth from your audience to your notes will enable you to hold everyone’s attention. Don’t make the mistake of giving up on it and simply reading the notes, unless you are trying to put everyone to sleep.

#3 Look them in the eye!

When I am speaking in public, I make it a point to select several people in different parts of the room that appear to me to be pleasant easy going people.

I then try to hold eye contact for a few seconds with each one during my talk. This is something that many speakers do and they all experience the same results. It relaxes them and the entire audience feels that the speaker was talking specifically to them.

You can do the same in a one on one talk. Keep eye contact for several seconds at a time during the entire conversation. If you look down all the time you appear unsure or, even worse, untrue. If you are constantly looking around you will appear to be disinterested. So it is important to keep eye contact as much as possible without trying to stare someone down.

Some people are of the belief that when speaking to a group you should never actually look anyone in the eye. They say it is far better to look at an inanimate object in the back of the room so you don’t become distracted. Frankly, I don’t agree with this.

You must have a barometer of how your talk is being accepted. If you see two or three of the people you originally picked out, becoming fidgety or looking around for the nearest exit you are alerted immediately that your talk needs something extra. An inanimate object will not smile or clap their hands.

The real truth is, unless you have perfect vision, as you swing your eyes to those people you picked out you are simply going to pick up on the attitude of the room as a whole.

#4 Get your audience involved:

If, during a talk, you feel as though you have been droning on stop, smile, and ask if anyone can tell you what you just talked about, then ask them to explain it to you because you just bored yourself stiff and you feel you owe them an apology. Get them back into the act.

This kind of repartee is also a great way to recap what you have been speaking about.

#5 How to, and odds and ends:

Let me give you a simple format I have used for a number of years as a speaker:

A) Tell them what your going to tell them. B) Tell them. C) Tell them what you told them.

The average person retains an idea best when they’ve heard it three times, so this is not as strange as it might sound. You tell them what your going to talk about, much like an outline of the pertinent points. You then talk about each point separately. And then you summarize what you told them. An opening, a body, a closing. What could be simpler?

Make sure to be as brief as you can, given the complexity of your subject. But don’t be so brief that you leave your audience wondering what your point was. This is why it is so important to make notes; you will get a feel for how long you are going to take. It is very often necessary to limit a speech to a certain amount of time because of scheduling.

Notice the speeches of others and see how they use humor and other emotions to color their speeches. This is what gives their speaking a unique texture. Their ideas are easily received because they relax their audience up front.

Finally, don’t talk over your listeners’ heads, intellectually. Gear your presentation to the level of your audiences’ understanding. Keep it as light as you can for your topic.

You may feel as though your not ready for this section but, it is presented here because this lesson is crucial to your having and keeping Total Self-Confidence Large groups, small groups, individuals, all require you to assert yourself to be understood.

The quicker you learn to be comfortable in each of these situations, the sooner your progress will be. Almost everyone who has to speak in front of an audience is nervous at first.

I can tell you this from first hand experience. I always have a certain amount of "stage fright". By now though, I recognize it for what it really is, I care about what I want my audiences to learn, so it’s natural to be concerned about how my speeches are received. The butterflies are there to help me do my best.

Start with speaking to small groups and get accustomed to that, and then, as you feel your confidence grow, try larger and larger groups. You can also hone your skills as a speaker in one-on-one talks to test the reception of your ideas.

Exercise: Get yourself a small recorder (one that will permit you to speak at least ten minutes), and practice writing a speech, and then delivering it into the recorder.

Do this at least ten times with ten different subjects and try to refine your speaking mannerisms. Teach yourself to relax and let your thoughts flow.

If you have some friends you are comfortable with, get together and give the speech to them. Be prepared for some heckling -in fun I hope, but also some honest criticism.

When you can be comfortable with this situation you should then look for a larger audience. Maybe your church or a service group. Don‘t worry about being nervous, that‘s an important part of the process.

When you have had the experience of speaking to many different audiences something very interesting will happen to you. The nervousness you feel will begin to act as a sort of energy that you can draw from, it will add credibility to your speaking.

If you haven’t listened to yourself speak, as on a taped message or a video, you will find this a little strange at first. When you get used to it, however, it’s a great help in teaching you how to modulate your voice effectively.

Here’s a list of subjects you may want to use

Neighborhood watches

Helping the elderly

Community planning for the average citizen

Keeping our children’s interest in school or church

Developing strong family and church bonds

Getting the most out of leisure time

These are subjects you don’t have to be an expert in. Everyone has an opinion about them and they are great subjects to arouse everyone’s interest. You will find that you can ask many questions of your audience and stir interest to the point where your only problem may be to moderate the discussion, which is an art of its own.

It’s a good idea to save your speeches and critique them much the same as you would critique something you have written.

Note in your log what has worked well and what has not.

:
This is another one I’m sure you have heard before, and once again it is important. Ask questions of your listeners at reasonable intervals to keep there attention. It will amaze you just how relaxed you can become as a speaker when you know you have people’s attention and they are willing to share in the conversation.
I’m sure you’ve heard it before a million times, but its worth repeating and the better you do this the quicker you will gain your Total Self-Confidence. A speech, a comment, an answer to a question are all understood more easily when you look someone in the eye. You don’t have to stare at them without blinking, just look at them directly.
The less prepared you are the more tense your presentation will be. Do yourself a favor and make some notes if you are one who just needs reminders, if you need something more, write out what you want to say and study it. You don’t have to memorize a speech but you should have a fairly precise idea of what your main points are going to be and the order in which to make them.
beyond that, your own comfort is the main object.
We talk about appearance first because it is important and also easily misunderstood. Basically, it is self-motivational. When I must speak to a gathering, it happens that my personal thing is to put on my very best slacks and sport coat, maybe the camel hair, along with pastel colored shirt and a satiny paisley tie. Some softly buffed wingtips with solid color socks to match the slacks. I prefer to have just had my hair trimmed, although not too military looking.
SELF-CONFIDENCE AND COMMUNICATING
: Don’t forget to start your journal.
How have experiences created by their decisions affected them? They may even want to share some pitfalls about decision making with you.
Do they see the value in reflecting on their own decisions?
Specifically an incorrect decision?
Some answers may surprise you.
That someone could be a friend, a loved one or a group of co-workers, is the process any different in each of the above situations?
Do they have a specific process, outside of their necessary experience, that they use to pinpoint the reasons for making the decision? I have already given you your starting point for making decisions and being responsible for them intelligently and without guilt. In addition I want you to seek out someone you respect and can have a dialogue with.  
: Don’t forget to start your journal.
How have experiences created by their decisions affected them? They may even want to share some pitfalls about decision making with you.
Do they see the value in reflecting on their own decisions?
Specifically an incorrect decision?
Some answers may surprise you.
That someone could be a friend, a loved one or a group of co-workers, is the process any different in each of the above situations?
Do they have a specific process, outside of their necessary experience, that they use to pinpoint the reasons for making the decision?
I have already given you your starting point for making decisions and being responsible for them intelligently and without guilt. In addition I want you to seek out someone you respect and can have a dialogue with.
 





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