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John Schirrippa

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Member Since: Oct, 2008

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What I Do
by John Schirrippa   

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Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  Morris Publishing ISBN-10:  0615172091 Type: 
Pages: 

120

Copyright:  2007 ISBN-13:  9780615172095
Fiction

Based on seven years of experience waiting tables, What I Do follows a waiter through the course of his day at a nice restaurant on eastern Long Island.

Barnes & Noble.com
What I Do

Since the beginning of time, human beings have searched for answers to the big questions.

Where did we come from?

Is there life after death?

Are we alone in this universe?

But today, in this very book, you will be asked to answer the ultimate question…

“Can I start you off with something to drink today?”

From the author that brought you absolutely nothing before this, comes the story of one waiter’s trials and tribulations. Experience the intensity, the magic, the raw emotion. And that’s only in the prologue.

Based on seven years of experience waiting tables, What I Do follows a waiter through the course of his day at a nice restaurant on eastern Long Island. 
 
At 9 A.M., the sun is out, the restaurant deck is desolate, and the tables are still damp after an early morning mist on the harbor.  In the hours to follow, though, the scene will be anything but calm and peaceful.  The waiter's day will be riddled with celebrity guest appearances, homicide attempts, and some of the most bizarre people you will ever come across!
 
WITNESS calamari fly off the menu faster than an Olympic 100-meter dash!  MARVEL at the kitchen staff verbally and physically abusing the floor staff!  And BEHOLD our protagonist as he dodges the iron fist of restaurant management!

The critics have spoken:

“It’s just one page after the other!”

“This is a… book.”

“It’s printed, bound, and everything.”

What I Do
by John Schirrippa


Excerpt

"Mother of God, where did all of these people come from?" Unlike the business man casually having a drink at the bar, or the couple sharing dinner on the patio, I am in the vortex of unholy terror.
I have been at work for over nine hours and the chaos is now at its pinnacle. The place looks like the E.R. of Mass General Hospital after a nearby 20 car pileup, minus the casualties.

In many jobs, employees are primarily working under a boss or manager. In the restaurant business, particularly if you are a server, you have 30 bosses. 22 customers at a given time and 8 managers. And at this particular snapshot in time, I have 30 angry bosses. It's not everyday that an individual is faced with this scenario.

***

I am standing over by the bar awaiting drinks for several of my tables. I start to feel a headache as I watch the other waiters scramble around the restaurant frantically looking for random items. Dishes, spoons, mustard, cocktail forks. It just goes on and on.

James is now throwing tickets at Carlton and Mr. Bling is shouting at James,

"No substitutions! NO SUBSTITUTIONS!!"




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