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Cynthia Borris

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Member Since: Jul, 2001

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Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  AuthorHouse ISBN-10:  1414011458 Type: 
Pages: 

316

Copyright:  October 2003
Fiction

The trouble with a secret - it must be told and someone listened...

Do the math and the culprits to greed and the parties to humor equal one laugh-out-loud misadventure!

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Autographed Copy
Cynthia Borris

2005 USABooksNews Best Book Award *Humor* Finalist

Something is wrong in Pelican Point.

No, it's not the seven Bobs on Madison Lawhon's dating roster or the psychic donut maker communing with her mailbox. It's not her eccentric neighbor, dodging her mother's wayward prayers for her love life or even Denny's Cajun chicken wings. It's the frogs. Ribbit-ribbit, croak.



 




























 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Excerpt

Madison was whisked through a back door and escorted to the television studio along with the woman from Minnesota and the shriveled man from Louisiana with cemetery tales. The corral of behind-the-scene employees skirted her from corner to corner. A fluff of hair, a dab of lip-gloss, a pre-show potty break, and Madison found herself cast opposite the host.

"Good morning, Madison." Jessica scanned her notes. A makeup artist dotted Madison's nose with a dry sponge and Jessica looked up and asked, "Nervous?"

Madison's stomach fluttered and she gulped back the acids.

"Just be yourself, have fun and follow my lead." The morning host wore black lambskin jeans, a deep-scooped sweater and the faint scent of expensive perfume unknown to Madison's pulse points. The diamond ring on her middle finger was as large as the antacid Madison had popped backstage.

"And we're back in…" The director lifted his hand and ticked off the seconds with his index finger. The applause light beamed. Loud claps repeated until the light flickered off. Silence. The wall clock read 8:38am. With no escape, the nine-minute time segment hit the air.

The studio lights blinded. A kaleidoscope of colors danced in Madison's eyes and obscured the panoramic view of the audience yet the restlessness in her stomach told her they were out there. What are these people doing up at this hour?

“We have a real treat in store for you this morning." Jessica radiated warmth and enthusiastically welcomed the sold out crowd. “Today's guest is Madison Leigh Lawhon, the author of this month’s Book Club selection No More Bobs.”

Madison kept her head high, her shoulders back, and greeted the mounting approval of applause; a quiver tickled her insides. Rehearsed responses jumbled in her mind and her mouth dried as a dust-bowl prairie. Relax. Focus.

"For those who haven't read Lawhon's book No More Bobs," Jessica turned the book cover to the side camera and paused for a five-second zoom, "you're going to fall in love with the Lawhon family."

Madison knotted her fingers together and resisted the temptation to brush a fallen strand of hair resting across her nose. Instead, she tried to blow it away with an upward puff.

"Pelican Point, California. Home to the Ogden Nash Bar and Grill, the Webbed Foot and Denny's Chicken Palace." Jessica played with the fans talking at a speed designed to fall into commercial time slots. "I just love those names, don't you?"

Madison did a quick frump check. Legs snug together and crossed at the ankles, knees slight angle to the right. Good. She embraced the softness of the slight skirt, the lining of silk against her bare cheeks and sensed the thong string.

"Everyone, if you think you have problems wait until you meet Madison; a single mom with kids," the morning host flagged three fingers, "a backyard equal to Noah's Ark and then there's the Bob." Jessica lifted her finely penciled brows and her expression drew the question. The audience bit. "Or should we say the Bobs?"

"My Father who art in heaven…" breathe, breathe. The phrase reeled in Madison's mind; a few words slipped near the microphone and she darted her eyes towards the audience to see if anyone noticed. Only attentive grins under the umbrella of lights.

"So tell me, Madison, when did you discover you were a Bob-magnet?" Jessica leaned towards Madison; her calm fingers lit on the guest's forearm like the wisp of a hummingbird wing. The eager audience fell silent.

"Well…" the strangled sound of words choked and Madison stammered. Jessica sent a supportive smile and a whisper of a wink.

"How many of you have read the book?" Jessica surveyed the crowd and a multitude of hands saluted. "Any of you have a Bob?" Titters escalated into deep laugher.

The tension eased, the director quieted the audience, and once more Jessica turned for an answer.

"Jessica, it started the year I dated seven Bobs." Madison found her voice.

Jessica fanned her face to ward off a flush. "Seven?"

"Seven Bobs," Madison paused for Jessica's blush to fade and added, "and counting."




Professional Reviews

Writer's Digest
"...a must-read for people who enjoy fun, quirky mysteries." - Writer's Digest











Thomas James Martin, author Crossings and Reflections
"No More Bobs is a quick-paced, lighthearted comedy filled with complicated twists and turns. Page after page the reader is drawn into Madison's chaotic world and into the mystery and secret shrouding Pelican Point.




Cynthia Borris has the gift of a true comic imagination. To my delight, I find that she also has the even rarer gift to create believable characters who dance so gracefully to the music of her marvelous comedy.




What I like about this book is that unlike so many slice-of-life stories, No More Bobs is really funny! And not just funny either, but full of interesting characters and quirky plot turns."







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Reader Reviews for "No More Bobs"

Reviewed by Julie Donner Andersen 1/31/2008
LOVE the title!

Reviewed by Nordette Adams 12/26/2005
The Bobs have arrived in my mailbox! I will add to this review once I've read more. :-) ~~Nordette
Reviewed by Peter Paton 7/7/2005
You have a delightful sense of humour in this excerpt Cynthia
Thats what I call bobbing and weaving !
Peter
Reviewed by Mary Lynn Plaisance 5/24/2005
Oh, I enjoyed looking through your pages! I want my style of writing to get like yours! I seem to not have the knack to go wild with my descriptive words, and I want to! I'll have to just learn to put into words what is in my head as you did. And I have a LOT of stuff inside of my head, *LOL*. I enjoyed your words so much!

Success to you with "No More Bobs". It sounds delightful!

Mary Lynn from, "In the Land of Sha Bebe"
Reviewed by OnepoetGem *the Poetic Rapper 1/2/2005
sounds great and mysteriously interesting. l&p G
Reviewed by Shannon Young 7/16/2004
I really enjoyed your exerpt! You have a wonderful sense of humor in your writing!
Thanks for sharing!
Reviewed by Joe McCarthy 6/27/2004
This cracks me up. Even the title is funny.
Reviewed by Sandy Henry 5/17/2004
Cynthia--
I generally only read books with a high body count (does your heroine kill off any Bobs?), but after reading the excerpt, I have to read more. Love your style--and although I haven't done any TV interviews yet, you described it in perfectly-horrific detail! Sandy
Reviewed by Tom Hyland 4/29/2004
CYNTHIA - Sounds "delicious"!!!

When I have a chance, will be back to read more! In case you didn't see it, my poem BOB & ED might amuse you. Tom.
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 10/24/2003
Thanks for the sharing of a chapter from your book. Gives a good feel for your character.


Books by
Cynthia Borris



Chicken Soup for the Soul Celebrating Brothers and Sisters

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Chicken Soup for the Recovering Soul - Daily Inspirations

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Chicken Soup for the Soul Moms and Sons

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Cup of Comfort for Single Mothers

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Chicken Soup for the American Idol Soul

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No More Bobs

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Chicken Soup for the Single Parent's Soul

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