Military

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Follow the mis-adventures of this flight of Air Force recruits and their Drill Instructors (T.I.s) as they romp through basic training in 1968! It will have you holding your belly with laughter as the trainees and their T.I.s face such obstacles as a "White Tornado", a "Shooting", a "Body Count", a "Cigarette Comercial", and, oh yes...a werewolf!

Order it now on-line at: barnes&noble.com or place your orders through the publisher at: 301-695-1707, (Publish America). The book's ISBN # is: 1413721311. Or order it on-line at: www.publishamerica.com.

Before I go any further, gang, I'm going to take this time to thank all you military members who have been visiting my web-site in support of TUFFY'S HEROES, and sending me e-mails at my personal address.  I especially want to thank those fantastic GIs overseas and in the UK and Iraq.  My heart, soul and tears are with every-single-one of you great people, and I for one, shall NEVER forget! So keep those e-mails coming and I can promise you all, not a single e-mail will go un-answered!

OK my fellow readers, I was a Drill Instructor or T.I. as we're called in the Air Force, in the 60's, 70's and 80's, retiring in October of 1983.  Altogether, I spent almost 15 years as a T.I..  But I must admit, as harrowing an experience as military basic training is for the trainees, there are those certain times during training when hilarious situations suddenly occur!

Any individual, male or female, who has suffered through the miseries of basic training AND their drill instructors and T.I.s, no matter what branch of service they were in, will agree to this.  Think back to those days, filled with fear and tensions, and recall that specific moment in time when your Drill Instructor stood before you, looked you directly in the eyes and blurted out some of his infamous "one-liners"!  Here's a small example.  Your Drill Instructor is nose-to-nose with you and he is pissed!  And then, with a straight, firm look, he says, "SMITH!  You clown!  Are you some kinda dum-dum??? Why do you INSIST on agravatin' me?  You are, without a doubt, as dumb as a box-of-rocks!!!"

You were too scared to laugh, but, you damn sure wanted to!Well readers, the laughter begins within the first few pages of TUFFY'S HEROES, and never-lets-up!  You'll discover what happens when a new cigarette commercial "one-liner" takes Lackland Air Force Base by storm, and directly affects the outcome of an Air Force parade!

 The story does NOT make fun of Military Training Instructors, nor does it try to embarrass them in any manner. The book tells the story of what was actually involved in the life of Air Force T.I.s during the Vietnam War in the '60s...on and off duty.  However, throughout the entire story, they DO find themselves in somewhat...STRANGE and hilarious situations, especially when their trainees are involved!

I mean, c'mon!  Basic trainees would NEVER steal an airplane from in front of a basic training squadron...would they?  Is it true that Major Chin Ho Wok actually saw a basic trainee...HANGING from a tree limb???  Whaddia mean there's a basic trainee... IN the squadron mailbox??? 

"SERGEANT TOFURI!  WHY are there footlockers in your barracks latrine shower room AND the showers are goin' full bore...and there's basic trainees SITTIN' in 'em...and...they're SINGING???"

Mazzo!  You clown!  Get your TIRED ass in step!  Now reach up there, dummy, and very carefully, brush that pregnant gnat off yer hat!"

TUFFY'S HEROES is absolutely loaded with hilarious situations and characters that will muster memories within you that have long been forgotten.  And for those of you who have never been in the military, the humor, itself, will capture and definitely hold your attention.  I mean, how was it possible that a simple Italian sausage link led directly to Airman Basic John Mazzo's enlistment?...a sausage link???

Okay, gang, here's how TUFFY'S HEROES was born.  In 1975, when I was a T.I. in the 3707 Basic Military Training Squadron (BMTS) at Lackland AFB in San Antonio, I decided to put some of my past, extremely humorous, training experiences down on paper.  I passed the written material around to my fellow instructors and they just loved the stories. At the time, we had a young Squadron Commander named Captain Watt, who also read the stories. Now his father was a retired actor who played in all the William Boyd, Hop-a-long Cassidy movies during the 1940's.  He said to me, "Sgt Tofuri, you need to put all these stories into book form!"

So, I decided to do just that. I took all the humerous events that occurred over the years pertaining not only to basic trainees, but the T.I.s. also!   I combined all these events into a single flight of Air Force basic trainees from their first day of training until their graduation.  I use myself as the main character T.I. and modeled the other instructors within the story from T.I.s I had worked with in the past...with one exception.  The character of Master Sergeant Horace Swayzee, Squadron Section Supervisor, was modeled after one of my heroes...R. Lee Ermey. I'm quite sure you remember him from the great movie, "FULL METAL JACKET".

I used the R. Lee Ermey character, himself, as seen on his fantastic new TV show on the HISTORY channel called, MAIL CALL.  His wit, humor and body language was perfect for good 'ole Horrace.  (By the way, my fellow readers, it is in my professional opinion that R.Lee Ermey has the greatest COMMAND VOICE in the history of ALL military Basic training!!!  So, check-out MAIL CALL on Sunday nights and observe a great actor as he romps through 30 minutes of fantastic military history using his own personal genius and humor.) Then when you read TUFFY'S HEROES, and come upon the great character of MSgt Horace Swayzee, just think of the Gunny.

Alright readers, let's continue and talk a little about the basic trainees within the book.  The primary basic trainees in the story are modeled after certain trainees I trained in years gone by.  I have memories of those certain trainees that left me with positive and memorable impressions of their individual character while they came through basic training, those many years ago, especially the character of "Bubba".   Bubba was a giant African American who arrived at Lackland...bare-foot! In the side pockets of his denim, bib-coveralls were a pair of shoes belonging to his father.  He was from a farming family in Mississippi, and had a rather easy demeanor.

However, I made him a squad leader and when any Airman within his squad screwed up, Bubba's wrath was something to behold!  I wish I could recall his real name, but, after training thousands of recruits, well, time just sort of takes over.

I take a very dramatic approach within the book when actual training is taking place...well, mostly.  I also use a great deal of humor, such as in the situation involving the basic trainee who, in an effort to obtain a discharge, claims to be a werewolf!

And most definitely, humor was a MUST when speaking of the 5 foot 3 inches tall Chinese American Squadron Commander, who is strictly a total figment of my somewhat demented imagination.  The good Major's vocabulary is caught up somewhere within the cartoon world of Elmer Fudd!  Our Major Chin Ho Wok has a definite problem pronouncing words begining with the letters "F", "R" and sometimes words that begin with the letters, "L" and "J". Here's a small example of the good major chewing my butt because he is, well...SLIGHTLY unhappy with something I had done.

"Sgt Tapuey, you-a be num-ba 10 GI!  You-a puck up my-a wec-cod, I gonna put-a you inna yail...and I don't-a mean cow-wedge!"

Let me not forget to mention another character who was ex-army, a Korean and Vietnam war vet, and a muscular giant of a man named TSgt "Bullets" Grogan.  Bullets' claim to fame was his continous medical problem involving the elimination of "gas", and his present position of not being able to "shoot anyone any more!"

The book is titled after my nick-name and precisely what my trainees were quite often called by other T.I.s, TUFFY's HEROES.  It took me almost 30 years to complete this manuscript, and I am extremely proud of the results.

So give Tuffy's Heroes a try, my friends... it's a read you'll never forget!!

Tuffy

 

 

 


          
 
  

Excerpt
"...Mazzo, you clown! Get yer dumb ass in step! Now, reach up there and gently brush that pregnant gnat of yer hat!"