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Vena McGrath

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Member Since: Feb, 2004

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Secrets, Lies & Chat
by Vena McGrath   

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Publisher:  Bedside Books/American-Book Publishing ISBN-10:  1589822641 Type: 


Copyright:  2005

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Secrets, Lies & Chat

The foreward from my book released in 2005 in the USA, revolving around chat on the internet, the men I met on the internet and then in my reality. This is not a pretty love story, it's raw and real, as are the characters.

Foreward from the book titled 'Secrets, Lies & Chat' by Vena McGrath .....copyrighted 2003 Secrets, Lies & Chat, by Yvette Moore and Greg TingleApart from the extraordinary tale, of Secrets, Lies & Chat; the most amazing thing about this book is the apparent ordinariness of the author. A suburban woman embarks on an adventure precipitated only by her at first, involvement, and then obsession with, online chatting. Sounds harmless? Not!The work is a no-frills account, hyperbole not needed. The story in its simplicity and honesty is sufficiently chilling.This is not fiction – it’s a true story and an absolute page-turner. Catalysed by the anonymity of online chatting, Vena recalls her horrendous relationships with clarity and detail.Vena McGrath in fact provides us with a story she probably needed to tell for intrinsic reasons. But I think she’s doing “the world” a service by exposing an unbelievable scenario for “chatters”, would be chatters and folks at large.Don’t believe all of those “feel good”, love on the Internet, pseudo-articles aka advertorials, you read about in the broadsheets – Vena tells and experiences all of what online chatting and often, dating, can be. Vena’s candour is refreshing and real. She doesn’t paint a sanitised picture. Could this book create an avalanche of victims “fessing up”, and subsequently bring down the Internet dating business, exposing it for what it is – Dangerous! A pedestrian pastime? Think again."

Secrets, Lies & Chat was released on 18 May 2005 and is available now from the author's website.  Please check on to purchase. Published by Bedside Books ISBN: 1-58982-264-1. $11.00AU + $5AU postage for Australian and overseas buyers.  Credit card only purchases on the website.  Purchases can also be made by cheque, money order or postal note or equivalent.  Please contact the author at for further information.   Orders can be placed through Author's Den and will be passed on to the author to fill.    
Copyright 2005 Vena McGrath

"In spite of my transgressions with married men my moralistic views about that issue are still up there at the top of my passion list in chat and I give a few married men and women I know a run for their money. Some take what I say in good faith, but others who I believe are probably guilty of transgressions themselves, become defensive and downright abusive. I just shrug my shoulders because I know I personally have won the battle, just not the war. I am dismayed that there are in existence chat rooms specifically aimed at married people where they are encouraged to flirt. It seems to me these types of rooms are contributing to the very upside down world we live in morally by saying it’s okay to be married and yet cheat with words on a computer. I see no difference in that kind of cheating to actually climbing into bed with someone. Although it could be said I have no right to judge anyone, I am single, and in my mind that makes a huge difference in spite of being the ‘other’ woman a few times. So called innocent chat can and does turn to meetings in real-time, and disasters for families."
I stand solidly behind the statement I often make in chat when debating about married people or people involved in relationships being online in chat rooms, that if I had someone special in my life and I knew it was an honest relationship, I would never go near a chat room like the ones I spend my time in. My reason is simple, I spend a lot of my spare time in those rooms, and I know what can and does result from so called ‘innocent chat’ and I know that chat is highly addictive and that I am addicted to it. In fairness to anyone I was involved with, I would have to absent myself from temptation and be grateful that I was lucky enough to have a ‘real’ chat mate, and that I could look into his eyes and use my voice and body language to turn him on, not words typed in a private room in chat. But I also realise everyone is different, and many people who are in chat and are married or in relationships are not there for anything other than some light relief and companionship. They don’t appear to visit married and flirting rooms, they usually chat in one room specifically, mainly an age room, and allocate themselves an amount of time for chat and are gone when the time is up. They are disciplined, honest people, and have a place in chat."

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Reader Reviews for "Secrets, Lies & Chat"

Reviewed by Santosh Kalwar 9/20/2008
I have not read your book Vena, but I think I like the idea of what you are presenting here. In recent future, I would like to write something which focuses on understanding human and their behavior with regard to Internet.

Wish you a good luck with your book !
Reviewed by sally white 6/26/2007
This had me in tears reading it as my marraige just broke up largely because of my husbands long term chat habits - which were less than honourable as I found out. There was no physical contact, but there was online sexual contact, text messages and telephone calls and the relationships weren't just about sex but also about these girls falling for him and him playing up to this - emotions. The hurt this has caused me is enourmous and real even though the relationships were largely in an unreal world. This went on for a long time and I agree that chatting is addictive and i think he became addicted. I am no angel, but when we had problems the lure of the chat and these relationships stopped him from being able to address our issues properly. I would find things on the computer (girls with their tits out, photos, emails) that were suggestive at best and I would challenge him about it. He always put it back on to me as if I was making things up.

He says he feels terrible and guilty however I know he still chats and still has inappropriate relationships. This has devestated me and my life any anyone who knowingly chats with a married person needs to take responsibility as well as that person.

Often there is an innocent person such as myself sitting in another room just wanting to be loved by their partner. My huband is not a horrible person, he isn't someone you would expect to do this, he loves me, he is sweet and kind and beautiful but he still did this to us and to me. And it is these attributes that would make him more appealing to girls on line (the good one's that is) as he wasn't the typical sleazy character.

I ended up going online and chatting with him to catch him out and be sure myself (and I doubted myself so much - it seemed impossible that my love could do this) and the betrayal is not just about the sex and the relationship but the things they are using to impress the other person. I remember we had just got back from holiday when i caught him out and i had spent an age researching and finding this amazing place to go and stay where we had a great time. BUt when I caught him out he was telling girls about this great place he found and stayed, the lovely dinner he did...all this stuff I put time, effort and thought into for us just became an online pickup line.

Lies lies lies lies.

Chat rooms in these situations are not innocent - the pain I feel and the tears I cry are evidence of this. Why would you do this to someone you love???
Reviewed by Approximately Naive 5/6/2007
One of my nieces nearly wrecked her marriage through meeting a man in a chat site. He did not lure her, she was completely autonomous throughout the entire sorry episode. My daughter stepped in and brought her back to reality.
I have been very fortunate on chat having struck up a good rapport with a like minded individual, the only person I interact with online.
Your book sounds intriguing.


Reviewed by Arthur Tugman 7/4/2006
Vena, I enjoyed your article on chat rooms. I personally don't do them and for what I have seen of them it appears to be mostly childre, you can tell by the way they dot their i's amd abbreviations, LOL, etc and avatars.Your book is a great read. I wouldn't mind bartering with you for some of my nutritional products for a copy and I would love to have a pen pal Down Under. I am a national poet laureate on the PoetsWorkshop. Thank you for your wonderful review.

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