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My journey with my children to find Patience and a better relationship with God. Sometimes funny, but I wish to inspire other young mothers on their Journey.
A Tool for Trust, Faith, & Patience
When you were younger, did your parents or other adults ever tell you to just ignore someone? I remember being picked on at school or at home by my sister and my parents would say, “Just ignore them.” The next time someone was picking on me I would want to scream, “How do I just ignore them?” It is the same in your Christian life. When you are a child of God and not matured in your walk, people will say things like, “Just trust in Him.” “Let go & let God.” Or my favorite, “Have a little faith.” I always got irritated with that one, “How do you know how much faith I have?” I would think to myself. I was very fortunate early in my Christian walk to have a beautifully sweet lady tell me “HOW” to just trust, let go and let God, and have a little faith. But I still needed a tad bit more maturity to make it work. I have always been a bit of a worry wart, especially after I had my children.
Not long after I had my second child, we were in an automobile accident. Matt was the only one seriously injured and had to have surgery. He had cracked his skull and a month later he had fluid on his brain. The doctors put shunts in to drain it to his stomach. After a year the shunts were removed and the doctor said he was in wonderful health. He had just started walking by then. I was always chasing him or being overly protective in some way to keep him from hitting his head. It’s a wonder I didn’t just pad the whole house for a precaution. I soon had my third child. Now I have a three year old, a one and a half year old that I am always chasing and an infant. My mom had been there for almost two months before and stayed for a few weeks after the birth of my third child. We were going to a wonderful church at the time and I had a lot of very helpful doting friends that would come over and let me get some rest while they chased children and played with the baby. I often discussed with them my exhaustion of chasing my son so much due to my worry-wart-itis. I heard, “God’s got it under control.” “You need to relax and have a little more faith.” And of course, “Oh you just trust in God and that boy will be just fine.” I wanted to scream but usually just managed a smile and a thank you.
One day I had to take my son to the emergency room for two stitches in the back of his head. He had decided to be an acrobat and failed, I missed the moment due to a dirty diaper on the younger one. On Sunday most of the normal ladies were all too ready too apply their modern day “proverbs” to the situation. Once again I just stood there and smiled while inside I was screaming, “This isn’t helping – This is doing absolutely nothing for me – I need “real” help not this same old stuff.” A friend I mentioned earlier, Laura, came along and asked if we could join her family for lunch. I jumped at the invitation, I really enjoyed her company. When we got to her house, her children took mine off to play. I was in awe of them, they were pre-teens and teenagers, yet they happily took my children off my hands. They all really enjoyed playing with each other. Meanwhile, Laura and I sat down to coffee.
I started discussing my aggravation at the things that happened at church. She told me I needed a tool. I jokingly asked, “What for, I don’t want to hurt them. I just want them to help me or hold their comments.” She laughed, then explained that she meant a tool to use to “Trust in Him” – “Let go and let God” – and – “Have a little more faith.” I thought, “What kind of tool can do all that?” She told me that for her, it was just saying the name “Jesus” over and over until she had peace about whatever it was she was stressed about. I tried that and it worked a little but it wasn’t my “tool”. So I prayed for a tool for quite some time. I was now in another state and church due to a few moves my family had made chasing a job. I was still praying for a tool.
I had a unique opportunity to go on a woman’s retreat weekend and jumped at it. I had a lot of new female friends in this church and most of them went too. I was really enjoying myself. I was even inspired to write a poem (due to depression, poetry was no longer something that came easy). I was having a great time with God. The speaker, on the second day, started with something that I thought was rather childish. She told everyone to stand up, and every other person turn to their left and face the person next to us. Oh boy, my friend that I was rooming with was on my right and my bible study leader’s wife was on my left. She was a wonderful lady but until this I had never really been concerned with how little we knew each other. While I stood facing this woman, we were supposed to sing “Jesus Loves Me”. Not just once, but until the lady we were facing accepted the fact that we honestly believed that Jesus loved us. Well she only had to sing it once for me to believe that she knew it. I, on the other hand, was singing it for quite awhile before she believed me. I was a little embarrassed but I wasn’t the only one that needed to “Get It”. So I got over it quick. I realized believing He loves you is not always so easy. I mean really believing down deep were it matters, I thought I did until that day. I have always held on to the love He showed me from that day on.
That night I was praying and I prayed again for “my tool” – I immediately got an answer. Sing! Sing Jesus Loves Me! My tool was to sing a children’s song until I, “Just trusted” – “Let go and let God” – and – “Had a little faith”. I went through a lot of your average stresses for the next few years and some not so average. “Jesus Loves Me” made it all a lot easier. I was about to learn I still had a lot of growing up to do in the Word. In the mean time, I even had my daughter trying out my “tool” when she had to get shots or something that scared her we would sing “Jesus loves me” and it would be over before she realized it
God has shown me through being a mother that Patience is in no way something you get and keep. It is something that must keep growing and changing through each different stage and phase of your life. To hold onto your first grasp of patience would mean you will never let it grow or teach you new and wonderful things. God must be an all encompassing part of your life as well in order to grasp patience. I am so grateful that God saw me fit to share my story with you. I pray that you will be blessed.