If you—or anyone you know—is a member of the wondrous, perplexing, and courageous gay tribe, this is the one book for you. A fully-loaded Swiss army knife for gay survival.
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Books by Perry Brass
In this indispensable book, Perry Brass starts out with the basics: how to meet men now. (It's easier than you think!) How to have a relationsip with one man (or several) that is both emotionally nourishing and sexually satisfying. How to deal with financial problems in a relationship (with an eye-opening section on "kept" men and what keeps them that way). How to survive (and counter) anti-gay violence on the street, at work, or at home. And how to arrive at a core group of feelings and beliefs that will keep you going in a difficult, often hostile, and misleading time.
Brass is totally honest. He is a not a therapist, psychiatrist, or sociologist. Instead, after thirty years of writing about the "gay wars"—starting with "liberation" after Stonewall, going into AIDS, and now in our present Age of Gay Consumerism—he realizes that he has had the kind of passionate, lasting, adult relationships with gay men that have sustained him and that many men are looking for. If you are as puzzled as so many people are about where the gay world is going, and if you're also angry at the cold abrasiveness that we often experience in it, then How to Survive Your Own Gay Life is for you.
Because, after all, it's your life and nobody else's.
This book is for every generation of gay men. For men just coming out into their "gay careers," as sociologists used to say, and for men who've been around the block many times and are just as confused each time they make the trip. It is for men who are in relationships and are trying to make them work, and for men who are trying to be in a relationship, and for men who never want to be in one. Despite it's title, it is often not so much a "how-to" book as a "why is it?" book. That is: it deals with why we are doing so many awful things to ourselves, things that you probably see around you every day; and then how can we change this.
A lot of people will ask why I did this. How could I presume to write a book like this? I don't have a PhD. I'm not a social worker or psychologist. Unfortunately, the gay market has been flooded with books by well-meaning social workers and psychologists, who often (despite being gay themselves) have only recently been able to come out. But they are sure that, with a bit more therapy, their gay patients and clients will be able to have the kind of lives that they as "professionals" could not. And, "mental health-wise" (on some planet I've not been able to imagine so far), they'll be able to cope—but not in the bruising, difficult "gay world" that most therapists still have very little handle on. Likewise, as an unaccredited sociologist, I have not interviewed hundreds of gay men to find out "how they tick." (Usually, the result of this is finding out the therapists tick!)