Sexual abuse is not stranger to Shay. All of her life men has touched her and penetrated her without her permission. Ever since she was six months old men molested her whenever they wanted. The worst thing about it everyone knew.
“A Slice of Darkness”
The Diary of An American Girl
My Brother’s Betrayal
“Damn you got some good pussy.” Leon says as he squeezes the breath out of me. “Does it feel good?” he asks.
No, damn it no! The words lost their way as they travel from my gut to my lips. Leon looks down at me in a trance. He comes in and out of me harder and harder. Between the beatings up my insides, he licks my nipples like an ice cream cone. I am in and out of consciousness. I am lost and I am not coming back to this world. I pray to die but death is not my friend either. My private spot hurts. My meat is tearing between my legs. It hurts so badly. My head fills up with tears but the tears refuse to come out.
“Help Me! Help Me!” I scream in my head over and over again. No one is there to come to my rescue.
Leon sucks and drools all over my chest. I need a knife. I will kill him. That is what I will do. I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him! I’ll cover his body with leaves. Die Leon die! I cannot breathe. Leon is lying all the way on top of me. I faint.
Leon squeezes the last bit of air out of my lungs. He lets up a little after he sees me gagging for air. I didn't say a word. I didn't dare. I knew that I would be in trouble if I did. I cried to myself on the ground but a tear didn't fall. My tears are my own. I will not give him the satisfaction of making me cry.
I can’t understand what is happening to me. I thought we were going to play together, or at least this is what he told my grandfather when he came over to get me. He told my grandfather that he wants to spend some time with his baby sister and brother, as if he gave a dam about us.
Leon says, “This was a special game.”
I do not want to play this game. It hurts. I didn't want to pull my clothes down in front of him and let him touch me. My body disconnects from my mind every time we play this special game. I imagine that I am running on the prairie with Laura Ingles. I should have been use to Leon doing this to me by now, but I was not. No one can ever get use to the torturing of the soul.
I cried to myself on the ground but a tear didn't fall. My tears are my own. I will not give him the satisfaction of making me cry.